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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think some posters on here lie?

216 replies

mystar · 09/02/2019 23:54

This leads on from the drinking thread. Yes, when my daughter was a baby I barely drank but she’s now 12 so I don’t think twice about smashing a bottle of wine on a Friday or Saturday night.

Obviously if she was ill it would be a different story.

When she was at junior school her pack up regularly included Pom bears or the the Aldi equivalent. And, every now and again we have dinner which consists of freezer tapas or a beige platter (chips/goujons etc). We even sometimes have said platter in front of the tv.

I also swear inadvertently in front of her and I don’t use my recycling bins properly.

Sometimes when I read things on here I think I must be the worst mother in the world. AIBU to think I am normal? Are there others out there like me?

OP posts:
DragonKiller · 10/02/2019 00:12

Yep, and about so many things.
Honestly, I'd say I'm not a bad parent, eg firm but fair, limited screen time, relatively healthy food etc, etc
But it's the level of martyrdom from some posters which often leaves me a bit gobsmacked. I struggle to believe just how many people stopped drinking full stop, stopped watching the news, never go out, wipe their nt 8 year olds bum, cosleep forever, among so many other things.

TildaTurnip · 10/02/2019 00:12

I’m genuinely teetotal and hate that saying that on here and in real life often gets responses that I must think I’m ‘holier than thou’ or smug. I just don’t drink!

Ribbonsonabox · 10/02/2019 00:14

Also the people who change towels after one use and their bedding every week.... I dont think they are lying but I find it astonishing that so many people make that much effort

ilovesooty · 10/02/2019 00:16

I'd have slapped her
I'd have told her to fuck off

Yeah... sure you would Hmm

Original poster
mystar · 10/02/2019 00:16

Phew! I feel better now, in the back of my mind I was thinking I should be up prepping a lunch of jack fruit and crafting clothes made of hemp!

I come on here for some escapism and laughs. Life is hard enough without pretence.

OP posts:
Mummylife2018 · 10/02/2019 00:22

@Guineapiglet345 I genuinely would give the money back to my mum though - seriously. Because I know my Mum wouldn't ask unless she'd made a mistake and genuinely needed it. Then again, I never read the thread you're referring to 🤷🏼‍♀️

Joey7t8 · 10/02/2019 00:24

Read lots of stuff on here that I’m suspicious of being highly exaggerated at times. Also you sometimes read things and notice a detail in an anecdote that just doesn’t add up.

Iamtheworst · 10/02/2019 00:24

I genuinely thought the only people that lied on social media were vapid tv star wannabes and therefore easy to spot. Until I ran into my friend with her kids at the zoo. Her kids were fighting with each other and with her. One of those days we’ve all had and they ended up going home before the picnic. When I ran into her she gave her husband both barrels for something. Totally normal no judgment from me, just delighted it was me storming back to car for once.

Checking Facebook that evening there was an array of family photos, happy smiling posed photos! And comments “Johnny wants to train to be an environmentalist while Jenny was wondering where we could buy a real penguin lol” . When I saw them Johnny was saying that Jenny looked like she’d escaped from the cage and the zoo was for babies. Jenny was still whinging she didn’t get something from the gift shop. The pics looked like they’d been taken all day but must have been in a quick blast .
Changed my life a little that day, people present their best selves. Apart from me, never occurs to me to cover the cracks so people must assume I’m a total disaster if that’s my best self.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 10/02/2019 00:24

Well ... some people lie, of course. But some people really don't drink and really do cook from scratch using organic vegetables every day (or whatever it is). Don't be so insecure that you compare yourself to them. All of us are imperfect. I seriously doubt anyone on here (with maybe 2 notable exceptions) is saying otherwise.

NunoGoncalves · 10/02/2019 00:26

Firstly, of course people online lie. I'm sure half of what is said on here is a lie!

Secondly though, I'm not sure that many would lie about the things you mentioned. It's more probably that the people who don't do these things are more likely to reply to the threads than those who do.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 10/02/2019 00:29

People lying on the internet?! Shock no way!

babycatcher411 · 10/02/2019 00:30

Not only do some people lie, but I think also many people read way to deeply into people’s comments. There’s always an ulterior motive or conspiracy hiding between the lines.

Ribbonsonabox · 10/02/2019 00:30

I do think small detail stuff might be because posters wish to remain anonymous though. I often change the gender and/or age of my children, location, slight changes to job titles, descriptions of people just to make sure that anyone who knew me who read it would not be sure it was me.
I think a lot of posters do that so when you see stuff not quite adding up it might be that they have done that.

Patr1ckJane · 10/02/2019 00:30

I think it’s unfair to suggest that everyone who says they don’t drink or cooks from scratch is lying (just examples)

I don’t drink at home (due to growing up with alcoholic father) unless it’s a special occasion. I don’t go out much and drink (all my friends lost interest when I had kids). DH doesn’t drink either.

I cook from Scratch 70% of the week. I’m on a strict food budget (saving for DC3 maternity leave) it’s cheaper to meal plan and cook from scratch. We also have what are called freezer food nights sometimes as out of that meal plan but on the whole cheap mess from
Scratch (must to my 7 yr olds disappointment)

Marcipex · 10/02/2019 00:32

Ive seen posts from a particular 'parent of a child with SN' and all the details of the difficulties she therefore faces. I know her v well, it's all made up, she has no child with SN. I do wonder what she gains from sucking in the sympathisers. People are weird.

oneyearnobeer · 10/02/2019 00:32

However, the other side of it is why lie when your anonymous??? What does it achieve ?

There’s a name for it but it’s very common. There’s a guy who predicts elections by analysing google searches and according to him what people say and what they actually do/think are very different. Even on anonymous surveys people lie about all sorts of things ( say they drink and senile less than they do and say they exercise, eat vegetables and have sex more than they do.) fact: if people actually had sex as much as they say they do on anonymous surveys then even by conservative estimates, condom sales would be 3x as high as they actually are Grin.

There’s also the ‘right side of average’ factor where people automatically assume they’re on the right side of average ( taking the recommendation as the average which is usually not true anyway). So they assume they eat 5 fruit and veg/do 10k steps.

Then there’s also the (relatively few) posters who have wholesale fantasy lives and live in 1950s villages where literally everyone is an investment banker/SAHM couple.

However I think the ‘way the wind blows’ factor is also important. If a thug read has a consensus view, a lot of posters either can’t be bothered to or are too afraid to post an opposing view.

oneyearnobeer · 10/02/2019 00:33

Senile=smoke
Thug read= thread

Original poster
mystar · 10/02/2019 00:34

@bibbity I’m not insecure and I don’t compare myself to anyone. I’m a great mum. I’m not perfect but I do my best and my daughter loves me. I’m sure I have many faults but I try and address them to the best of my abilities. I’m always trying to be a better version of myself.

OP posts:
GallicosCats · 10/02/2019 00:34

I'm convinced that most people on weight/diet threads lie their socks off. How else do you explain the 'overweight' ones who are 9 and a half stone and 5 foot 7 and really need to get down to their 7 and a half stone ideal, or the ones who are 10 stone but half the size of their house (OK, with the size of new build houses these days I can believe that one Grin), or the 24 stone ones who eat nothing but alfalfa sprouts and green tea?

halfwitpicker · 10/02/2019 00:35

I tell the truth on here, but I do filter what I tell you. No way you're getting the bare bones of the half wit Grin

AornisHades · 10/02/2019 00:36

People present their best sides on social media. The person posting about walks in the woods might be necking a bottle of red every night. The organic lunchbox mum might be a screeching horror at bedtime etc.
The muddling through, glass of wine, fish fingers and slightly grumpy at bedtime parents are avoiding the threads.

halfwitpicker · 10/02/2019 00:36

I'm convinced that most people on weight/diet threads lie their socks off

^^

I'm one of those pests who tell the truth on the weight loss threads. Sorry.

halfwitpicker · 10/02/2019 00:38

AornisHades, exactly. No ones perfect.

PCohle · 10/02/2019 00:40

I think people lie but I also think people are just drawn to post on threads on topics that they have strong feelings about.

Like threads about towels always have loads of people saying they wash towels every 5 minutes. Presumably the rest of us (filthy slatterns) who don't give towels a second thought aren't really interested enough to post their more measured towel washing schedule.

Original poster
mystar · 10/02/2019 00:40

@gallicoscats I can’t believe you would doubt these lithe 9stone supermodels and their daily struggles!

OP posts: