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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be massively irritated at new lodger

304 replies

Nutmeggy · 09/02/2019 17:17

Hi all
Sat fuming at the moment.

6 weeks ago I got a lodger short term for three months.

All was fine until Friday when she told me by text that her friend was coming to stay for the weekend bringing her 8 year old daughter

Got text Friday evening, by the time I arrived home they were here. Took them 4 hours by coach so not like they live near by.

However I think you have to ask and 2 extra people here all weekend not very relaxing.

Going to.have words with lodger when they have gone tomorrow but seriously who does this?

Massive over reach on part of lodger i think particularly as they are sleeping in lounge

OP posts:

LLOE7 · 10/02/2019 11:56

Don't stay in your room, op! Go into the kitchen and make your own food, sit in your lounge and watch your tv. Other than polite 'good morning/afternoon', ignore them and carry on your Sunday as you usually would.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/02/2019 11:59

Please go and take ownership of your home. Aren’t you hungry? Don’t you want to watch your tv in peace? Time to cook food and chuck them out of the living room.

WellThisIsShit · 10/02/2019 12:03

Some people just push and push until they hit a un-push-able barrier.

It’s a spectacularly selfish way to live life and I’d be terribly upset at hurting other people all the time, but it doesn’t seem to bother these types.

They rely on others feeling too embarrassed or awkward or just plain stunned at the brass neckedness to react.

Poloshot · 10/02/2019 12:03

I'd go mad and turf them out to be honest. Hope your notice discussion goes well later.

primoestate · 10/02/2019 12:05

How thoughtless. Well, that's your weekend spoilt.
I agree with you, I'd give her notice as soon as the friends have gone.
Actually, I think I'd say now that I'm claiming my lounge and kitchen back at 1pm and that I'd like to be alone to get some things done. They can go for a walk for a few hours.

Original poster

Nutmeggy · 10/02/2019 12:06

As soon as they have gone im giving notice, don't want to cause a scene whilst they are still here.
The fact they haven't ventured out all weekend makes it worse !!!!
It's a very cheap rent and Brighton is expensive so very easy to find someone else who is a bit more considerate

OP posts:

southeastdweller · 10/02/2019 12:07

Hmmm, I'd have no hesitation to give her a piece of my mind even with her friend there but with an eight yr old in the mix it must be really tricky. Hope it goes well when you do talk to her later.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 10/02/2019 12:12

OP, you need to get out there and make yourself food. Otherwise it'll be all wide-eyed innocence and "Well of course you could have made yourself food if you'd wanted to" and you'll feel conflicted. Go out and establish for yourself that any such statement would be bollocks!

cstaff · 10/02/2019 12:14

That is just taking the piss big time OP. You definitely need to have words and if she doesn't get it then she gets her notice.

Drum2018 · 10/02/2019 12:16

Why are you staying in your room though? Go to the kitchen, get your breakfast and turn on tv to what you want to watch. Stop hiding away accommodating their intrusion.

pigsDOfly · 10/02/2019 12:22

Yes, don't sit in your room feeling resentful OP. It's your home. Go into the living room, open some windows, turn on the TV, even if you don't want to watch anything and establish that this is YOUR home.

Turf them out of your kitchen and tell them you need to cook your lunch.

My DD lets a couple of the rooms out in her house. It's a much more house share type of arrangement, although it's not a true house share.

None of people she lets to would do this. Very occasionally someone will have someone stay over and they always stay in the lodgers room.

I'd be so angry in your shoes. You're absolutely right to give notice and as you say, you'll have no trouble finding someone else better.

Aridane · 10/02/2019 12:24

I am glad I am not a lodger

Sparkletastic · 10/02/2019 12:27

I'm glad you are not a lodger too.

Sweetpea55 · 10/02/2019 12:29

The first mistake sge made was that she TOLD you they were coming,,,,she didnt ask you,,What a cheeky fcer

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/02/2019 12:31

They haven’t been out all weekend. Wtf! You really can tell what kind of people both the lodger and her guest are by this alone. It’s totally not normal to do nothing with an 8 yo kid. She must be bouncing off the walls!

poppycity · 10/02/2019 12:31

I've taken in lodgers over the years and for sure this is always an issue. Before I had kids and was in a flat I let my lodger have her boyfriend stay over and she just needed to check in with me first and I asked it wasn't every weekend. I would say he came to stay 1-2 weekends/month and that was fine, the other weekends she went there so it was a win-win as the other weekends I got my place to myself.

Now I have kids I will host exchange students and had a no guest policy.

I think you may have to give a few more boundaries re lodger. For example one guest at a time, guest needs to stay in the lodgers room. I would say maybe if you are in a tourist area it's a nice trip for the 8 year old but should have been okayed with you first.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 10/02/2019 12:34

Jesus wept I'd have already kicked them out. She's a CF. Have they left yet? Give her notice today. No 'quick chat' or 'quick word'. She didn't give you notice and then acted like she was in a shared house. It's not a shared house. She's been there 6 weeks and acting like this she's not a good lodger.

Next time be firmer about guests.

On MN you always get virtue signallers who will tell you that in your situation they'd have given up their own bed and cooked them all a 5 course meal and provided hotel service because it's the kind thing to do.

southeastdweller · 10/02/2019 12:35

Yes I don't think the guest is totally blameless here! If it was me I would point out how much money her friend has saved by her and her daughter staying with you, compared to staying in a hotel (north of £200? - I'm very familiar with accommodation in Brighton).

Holidayshopping · 10/02/2019 12:37

Have you actually said anything? Does she know you’re pissed off?

Exhaustedmummy1811 · 10/02/2019 12:37

Shamelessly place marking for updates lol if she wanted to spend time with her friend and daughter why did she not go their house, instead of uprooting the dc and making her stay in all weekend with people she didn't know?

PuppyMonkey · 10/02/2019 12:45

I can understand you not wanting to cause a scene OP, but honestly this is getting ridiculous and maybe it’s time to call them all out on this.

“Hi everyone, I’m coming into the kitchen to cook a meal in ten minutes, so you’ll need to all move into lodger room or go out for the rest of the day. Thanks!”

Then give her notice later when you feel ready.

londonrach · 10/02/2019 12:46

Op..go back into the lounge. Its your house. You should have put your foot down friday...all sleep in the room thats rented not the lounge. Give notice asap

londonrach · 10/02/2019 12:48

And charge lodger £50 per night for the use of the lounge as a bedroom

RandomMess · 10/02/2019 12:50

Bet you are on a count down until they leave!

Original poster

Nutmeggy · 10/02/2019 12:54

All still here sat in the lounge chatting....

OP posts:

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