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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be massively irritated at new lodger

304 replies

Nutmeggy · 09/02/2019 17:17

Hi all
Sat fuming at the moment.

6 weeks ago I got a lodger short term for three months.

All was fine until Friday when she told me by text that her friend was coming to stay for the weekend bringing her 8 year old daughter

Got text Friday evening, by the time I arrived home they were here. Took them 4 hours by coach so not like they live near by.

However I think you have to ask and 2 extra people here all weekend not very relaxing.

Going to.have words with lodger when they have gone tomorrow but seriously who does this?

Massive over reach on part of lodger i think particularly as they are sleeping in lounge

OP posts:
manicmij · 12/02/2019 00:27

A lodger can't just invite whoever they want to the accommodation. Not a flatmate. And even then, sleeping in lounge should be agreed with others sharing. Doesnt't seem to understand the role of a lodger. Notice time pronto.

Nickpan · 12/02/2019 01:11

or just take it on the chin, I assume you're getting hundreds of pounds a month from the lodger.
I do Airbnb in the spare room, a couple arrived and said "hope we won't be too late or too noisy!" I said they had paid enough to do what they want.
(They weren't late or noisy)

marcopront · 12/02/2019 01:32

@Vicky1990
Shame on you, women against woman

Does this only apply to the OP.?
Was the lodger fair to another woman?

Pashal2 · 12/02/2019 01:49

How is it the friends fault? They believed they were invited and had permission to be there. They are a victim of circumstances created by the lodger.

ZacharyQuack · 12/02/2019 01:55

Are men ever told "Shame on you, men against men" ?

Or are they held to a different standard of behaviour?

ZacharyQuack · 12/02/2019 01:56

Has the OP even said that she is a woman? Perhaps she's a bloke, in which case he can be as unkind as he likes?

ZacharyQuack · 12/02/2019 02:02

Perhaps women need to self-identify as men whenever they need to be assertive.

BoomBoomsCousin · 12/02/2019 02:59

How is it the friends fault?

If you read the OP's posts you'll see that her lodger told her that the friend wasn't invited, she just came on down and didn't tell the lodger until she was already on her way.

JenniferJareau · 12/02/2019 05:48

Shame on you, women against woman and children, no kindness here.

This folks, is the kind of attitude that allows CF's to continue to be CF's.

Pinkprincess1978 · 12/02/2019 05:50

Clearly both are at fault (friend and cf) cf must have indicated at some point to her friend that it would be ok to visit otherwise she wouldn't have come. Or if she had genuinely just turned up she wasn't invited in anyway then cf would surely have told her landlord how mortified she was and could she tell her friend she must leave.... cf lodger did nothing accept allow her friend and the child to take over the living room for an entire weekend!

The only way friend maybe isn't cheeky would be if cf has made out this is her place and the landlord is actually her lodger. Which if she had the op taking refuge in her room would have testified too.

Personally I'm stubborn and would have stayed up late both nights watching tv and gotten up early and eaten loud crunchy cereal while watching tv also.

lazymare · 12/02/2019 07:03

Seems like a massive overreaction to me.

Juells · 12/02/2019 07:05

JenniferJareau
Shame on you, women against woman and children, no kindness here.

This folks, is the kind of attitude that allows CF's to continue to be CF's.

Yup!

Juells · 12/02/2019 07:14

Nickpan
or just take it on the chin, I assume you're getting hundreds of pounds a month from the lodger.
I do Airbnb in the spare room, a couple arrived and said "hope we won't be too late or too noisy!" I said they had paid enough to do what they want.

Except that attitude by you leads to others deciding the money isn't worth it, and results in fewer people taking lodgers. I frequently have people asking if I would take a lodger, but one CF (I described the experience earlier in the thread) put me off lodgers for life, even though I'd welcome the money.

A house-share by young people is one thing, but most houses where a room is rented to a lodger are owned by older, settled people who aren't going to accept "you're paying so make as much noise late at night as you like". That attitude limits available rooms-to-let.

Nickpan · 12/02/2019 09:59

@Juells not sure it's my attitude that put other off the idea of taking a lodger. You're either the landlord type, or you're not.

Mumoflove · 12/02/2019 10:57

Ask her what prompted her to invite her friend at such short notice. Maybe there is some reason that although doesn’t justify it, will explain the reason behind it. Stay calm and remember in the large scheme of life kindness is key

JacquesHammer · 12/02/2019 11:05

Here was a chance to show some human kindness, especially as a young child was involved

She was kind. She allowed them to stay despite the lodger's poor behaviour.

Shame on you, women against woman and children, no kindness here

Why are women expected to put up with any old shit under the guise of the "sisterhood".

The OP was NEVER "unkind" - she handled the situation perfectly well.

Cookingclass · 12/02/2019 13:33

Absolutely no way someone with a child would just turn up somewhere four hours away for a long weekend with no prior arrangement. The lodger just clearly made that up.

Ellyess · 12/02/2019 15:58

Nutmeggy No! No! No! She has no right to do this! Presumably she rents her bedroom and shares the other rooms. She cannot take over the day rooms for bedrooms for her guests! If there were a terrible crisis or even a good reason (say if her mum was coming to see her choir perform) she has to ask well in advance, appreciating that it is an imposition and recognising you are doing her a favour. and squeeze them into her room unless you offer otherwise. Plus offer a bit more to the housekeeping, as a gesture that it isn't something to take for granted.

Ellyess · 12/02/2019 16:23

GetOffTheTableMabel Oh crikey! I'm as bad! Apologies for arriving late and stating the obvious. Do hope it was a bit of moral support though!

Bignosenobum · 12/02/2019 16:35

Most of the answers are the same. So what. means many people in agreement. I find that reassurring actually. God tjete are some toffee nose twats on mn. It is a fun forum who put stating the bleeding obvious to point out to individuals in charge.

eaudynamisantee · 12/02/2019 18:08

@Mackymacmacface it's not a house share. House shares are more expensive. Lodgers don't pay anywhere near as much hence less privileges!!

Humboles · 14/02/2019 13:03

People with strangers round the place (like B&Bs and hotels) sensibly display T&C's prominently in bedrooms. There's then no argument when a guest oversteps the mark. Your lodger is not an instant friend but, rather, a business client who may not share your good manners, and lots of people see others as mugs, there to be taken advantage of. My parents had a guest house and I could tell you stories! Remember, the same guest who's all smiles in the morning might try to sue you for thousands that evening, blaming your bathroom mat for his tripping and hurting his back! Be friendly, but professional.

Wauden · 17/02/2019 16:35

BoomBoomsCousin, how are things now? Ok?

BoomBoomsCousin · 18/02/2019 00:59

Wauden, did you mean to direct that at Nutmeggy?

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 19/02/2019 20:02

Hi, thanks for asking yes all ok, she leaves in a few weeks now and I have a new lodger moving in day after she goes. Was very very clear to new lodger that overnight guests in her room are fine but give me notice but guests who want to stay in lounge not fine , new lodger fine with that so fingers crossed.

OP posts: