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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be massively irritated at new lodger

304 replies

Nutmeggy · 09/02/2019 17:17

Hi all
Sat fuming at the moment.

6 weeks ago I got a lodger short term for three months.

All was fine until Friday when she told me by text that her friend was coming to stay for the weekend bringing her 8 year old daughter

Got text Friday evening, by the time I arrived home they were here. Took them 4 hours by coach so not like they live near by.

However I think you have to ask and 2 extra people here all weekend not very relaxing.

Going to.have words with lodger when they have gone tomorrow but seriously who does this?

Massive over reach on part of lodger i think particularly as they are sleeping in lounge

OP posts:
GetOffTheTableMabel · 11/02/2019 17:59

@Relightmyfire2017 The original post was put up 2 full days ago and, before you posted another 243 messages had been added to the thread. As you might imagine, the OP had already received that advice once or twice! She has also, in the intervening 2 days, given notice to the lodger which is clear if you read the thread.

lily2403 · 11/02/2019 18:17

I would hate to be a lodger, sounds worse than being at your parents can’t have guests staying over etc
I agree with the notice but sounds like op wouldn’t be happy even if she got notice

Mackymacmacface · 11/02/2019 18:17

Wow can't believe how rigid mn is being on this: as far as I'm concerned, as a lodger (within reason), that person should feel comfortable having guests over to visit, like any other abode. Clearly those on mn have never house shared! It's only for two nights, so what's the big deal? And getting a takeaway?! Outrageous! (Tongue firmly in cheek) Living with a lodger goes two ways: you get the income, but with that comes some inconveniences. Op, yabu

starpops · 11/02/2019 18:21

Having had lodgers many times due to finances, no matter who it is or how nice they appear to be, they ALL do this without exception!! so just say at outset, no visitors, socialise outside please, absolutely NO overnight guests, if it does not suit, do not stay here..Good luck..Sorry to say you have to be firm, I learned the hard way, after guests solidly unremittingly thought I was a soft touch fool..so be polite but firm..It works..

JenniferJareau · 11/02/2019 18:31

said her friend and child had not given her any notice so she couldn't give me any

Yeah, right.

They stayed in all weekend, they didn't visit to attend an event, they came to see their friend. Unless she was total CF, she never would have travelled all that way with no expectation of a warm welcome for the whole weekend.

Yougotdis · 11/02/2019 18:39

@mackymacmacface you’ve answered your own question. Being a lodger isn’t the same as sharing a house. If you share a house you pay equally clean equally and use all public areas equally. As a lodger you pay less, usually just for your room and use of the bathroom/kitchen. You pay less for less rights.

Reallyevilmuffin · 11/02/2019 18:40

To be fair, was it worth giving notice if it only shortens her stay by 2 weeks? And might antagonise her?

Juells · 11/02/2019 18:49

sounds worse than being at your parents can’t have guests staying over etc

Guests staying over in the sitting room, sleeping on the sofa? Who does that in someone else's house? Even in a house-share, rather than lodging situation, it would be really cheeky and the other sharers would object to not being able to use the sitting room or watch TV.

Vicky1990 · 11/02/2019 18:59

I have to say I am shocked and very disappointed by most of the comments on this thread.
Here was a chance to show some human kindness, especially as a young child was involved.
Instead we have disgraceful comments about making your lodger, her friend and 8year old child feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.
Shame on you, women against woman and children, no kindness here.

Fredathetortoise · 11/02/2019 19:09

I see the lodger has found the thread...

SpanielEars070 · 11/02/2019 19:10

OMG It's you!!! The CF lodger is on MN as well!!

Waves to Vicky1990

Thebelleofstmarys · 11/02/2019 19:17

Vicky1990 - I agree one should try to be be human and kind , especially when children are involved . But unfortunately, this post reeks of C.F. and the person who is responsible for mortgage / rent / utilities/ council tax needs to stamp on this behaviour fast .
We've had lodgers for most of our adult lives . Most of them have been lovely , aware , mindful people we've enjoyed sharing our lives and homes with . The two individuals who weren't like that, left destroyed rooms , carpets , huge debts from ridiculous use of energy , giving our address to debt collecting agencies for parking fines etc and one of them , plastic buckets of piss behind them . We are very happy to accommodate - for no extra charge - a pre arranged visit staying in our lodgers space and also , a short stay likewise in our spare bedroom for our lodgers friends and family of it suits us. This is why we accept less rent for the use of our middle floor to a lodger rather than let it out as an independent apartment . We've learned to charge less money and stay in control .

Nanny0gg · 11/02/2019 20:08

'Shame on you, women against woman and children, no kindness here.'

If it hadn't been for the child marching orders would have been issued at the outset!

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 11/02/2019 20:13

Oh, I love it when the CF virtue signalling kindness crew shows up! Wails, What about the children?!

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 11/02/2019 20:35

Guests staying over in the sitting room, sleeping on the sofa? Who does that in someone else's house? Even in a house-share, rather than lodging situation, it would be really cheeky and the other sharers would object to not being able to use the sitting room or watch TV.

When I was house-sharing I always looked for 'no overnight guests' places due to having been burned many times by piss-taking flatmates who effectively moved in another tenant under the guise of 'love' who didn't want to pay his/her share of the increased utilities, hogged the shared spaces, made extra noise. Even at uni, after a couple of times, that shit got really old fast!

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 11/02/2019 20:39

Yes I agree with above post.

A lodger having a friend over and staying in her room.now and again no problem or a boy friend. Her friends have been welcome to come for dinner etc or the evening..

What I objected to was 2 people staying in and taking over the lounge all weekend all day with no notice so I had no option to refuse

Then being made to feel like an intruder when they were there.

I wouldn't do that to that myself so.dont expect it done to.me

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 11/02/2019 20:40

Shame on you women against woman
The spectacular irony is this exactly what op should have said to the two women, who took over her home for the entire weekend and left her virtually imprisoned in her room.

Vicky1990
I don’t think you quite understand the concept of lodging in a house.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 11/02/2019 20:41

Go 'no overnight guests' next time, Nutmeggy, lesson learned. In an area like yours, which is in demand, it's easy enough to fill the space.

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 11/02/2019 20:44

Thanks , I'm going to say overnight only in your own room!

OP posts:
SingaporeSlinky · 11/02/2019 20:55

How did lodger react when you gave her notice to leave?

theworldistoosmall · 11/02/2019 20:56

What about air bnbing the room?
In Brighton, you would probably make the same as you are charging her now, in a week or 2.

I was thinking about getting a lodger but then thought back to some of the fuckers I shared with years ago. Never mind threads on here. I rent the room out a couple of times a month, get slightly more than I would a lodger and don't have the hassle of a full time person,

Original poster
Nutmeggy · 11/02/2019 21:09

She was quite civil , haven't really spoken since but all ok, airbnb I would struggle I think with check in during the day and all the washing !?

OP posts:
JaesseJexaMaipru · 11/02/2019 22:15

Future contracts:
Overnight guests only allowed (a) in own room (b) with WRITTEN agreement from you at least a week in advance (gives you a chance to think and say no). In event of breach of terms, notice period is reduced to 1 week. Notice period of 1 month only applies if terms weren't breached.

Remember that it's your home - you don't have to put up with being made to feel like this.

ZenNudist · 11/02/2019 23:05

You have neen very kind. You let them have their weekend taking over your house and now youve given her 4 weeks to find alternative accommodation.

BoomBoomsCousin · 11/02/2019 23:57

I don't think you have to change your contract unless this has been an ongoing issue. You already had a rule about overnight guests being agreed upon in advance, so your rules covered the situation it's just that your lodger didn't follow them.

You say you've had lodgers for years so I'm sure you have plenty of experience to look back on. I think your only change might be whether you should have allowed it to go ahead when you found out. Given there was a child involved I would probably have done the same as you and would do the same in the future, should it happen again. But you wouldn't be outside your rights to have told them they couldn't sleep in the lounge/stay in the house all weekend/take over the kitchen/stay at all. And if you are annoyed at yourself for letting them ruin your weekend you could resolve to take a harder line should you find yourself in a similar situation in the future.