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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents who don't get their children to give up seats!

332 replies

thatsmyspace · 09/02/2019 11:48

Went to the doctors this morning and had a long wait.it was extremely busy as it usually is on a Saturday morning. And I was extremely shocked at the amount of parents that don't make their children give up there seats so others can sit down. An elderly gentleman positioned hisself at the end of a row of seats when right next to him was a child of maybe 4/5 and her mother the other side of her. She didn't even move the child onto her lap and offer the elderly gentleman the seat. A lady that was sitting close by stood up and gave him her chair. Another parent did the exact same thing when a pregnant lady with her toddler came in. She didn't move her child to let the pregnant lady sit down. So I stood up and offered my chair.

This isn't the first time I've encountered this. You see it all the time. Where's is people common courtesy! Maybe it's because I was raised to give up my seat to my elders I just don't understand this rudeness.

OP posts:
Crystalintheeyes · 09/02/2019 13:19

I’d only make my child give up a seat for a elderly person or a pregnant lady.
My child doesn’t have to give up there seat for anyone else.

GlitterStick · 09/02/2019 13:20

@PCohle Sat 09-Feb-19 12:47:43
Well either the parent or child was unwell or they wouldn't be at the doctor's

Just came on to say the exact same thing! Can't be doing with common sense on MN, though Grin
Of course one of them must be unwell, otherwise they wouldn't be there in the first place.
I mean, it's not like you wake up in a morning and think "I know what would be a good Saturday morning activity, kids! Let's go sit around the doctors waiting room. That'll be fun."

GlitterStick · 09/02/2019 13:23

The only people who offer a seat on the London Underground these days are tourists

How on earth do you work that one out?

Maybe they go round with I Heart London tshirts and cameras slung round their necks? Grin

daisypond · 09/02/2019 13:24

In general, I would expect children to give up their seats. I always made mine do this on public transport, etc. But at the doctor's, I do think it's different because someone, parent or child, is unwell, I'd assume.

chocatoo · 09/02/2019 13:24

People on mumsnet are obsessed by invisible illnesses and disabilities. We all appreciate that some people have them and don’t need reminding on every thread. The thread is referring to the people who don’t have invisible reasons not to have the common courtesy to give up a seat for an elderly or infirm person.
I would be embarrassed and ashamed to leave an older unwell person standing when I or my child was sitting.

Bobbycat121 · 09/02/2019 13:27

Mine sit down. If they are up they will run around and mess about. I couldnt give a shit about an able bodied adult 😂

Fluffyears · 09/02/2019 13:28

Why is a child considered a second class citizen who has to give up their seat. The fact is anyone able bodied shouldn’t sit whilst others in need stand. They shouldn’t automatically be a child simply because of their age.

DarlingNikita · 09/02/2019 13:29

Why is a child considered a second class citizen who has to give up their seat.

I don't think they're second class citizens. They're just smaller than adults, so it's easier for them to sit on a lap if necessary.

As I said in my last post, this is notwithstanding medical issues.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 09/02/2019 13:31

Being a geek I apply a simple algorithm - maximise number of people sitting by putting small kids on laps if possible then the most able to stand should stand. I don't think a 5 year old is more capable of standing than a 20 year old to be honest. I'd have mine sit on the floor if there was space since he wouldn't mind but I'd rather stand myself than have my 5 year old standing because he's likely to accidentally start leaning into people and fiddling etc.

I'd always stand and make my child stand to let anyone who needed a seat (pregnant, elderly disabled) have one though.

mindgoinground12 · 09/02/2019 13:32

'Obsessed with INVISIBLE ILNNES'
'This thread is about those who don't'
INVISIBLE liness you won't know. Jesus yes not everyone has one but there becoming more prominent, people shouldn't have to write it on there forheads or shout about it. That's why people shouldn't judge. You don't know. Even if they didn't as others have said someone there wasn't very well you can't judge this situation!

Huntawaymama · 09/02/2019 13:33

My kids are very young so maybe my opinion will change as they're older but atm I wouldn't make them give up their seat. I'd happily stand for a pregnant lady though and if an old person really looked like they need to sit I'd probably stand to but my grandma would be most offended if people got out of their seats for her, she 89 but still talks about "old people" and doesn't realise she's in that category 😂 I'd never make my child give up a seat on transport for anyone, to me their safety is more important

daisypond · 09/02/2019 13:33

Mine sit down. If they are up they will run around and mess about. I couldnt give a shit about an able bodied adult - nice... No wonder society's a mess.

ooooohbetty · 09/02/2019 13:35

I agree. It's pig ignorant.

FriarTuck · 09/02/2019 13:37

Can a healthy child without SN not manage to stand still on their own 2 feet or sit quietly on the floor for a few minutes?! I could possibly (maybe) understand on a bus if there's nothing to hold on to, but the floor in a doctor's isn't moving. They have legs, let them use them (cue massive uprising of posters claiming their children have no legs).
Once upon a time parents taught their children manners - you didn't run around in restaurants / shops / doctors, you didn't require electronics to cope with being quiet and sitting still, you didn't disrupt others, and you had respect for those older than you. I miss that world.

WombatChocolate · 09/02/2019 13:38

Isn't it a simple fact that a small child can easily sit on the lap of an adult, hence freeing another seat, whereas an adult cannot fit on the lap of another. Quite simply by having a child on a lap more people can sit down, regardless of who is seriously ill or not.....and in a doctors surgery, quite a few people will be ill, so having as many people sitting as possible is probably a good thing!

People are often rather ignorant and unaware of those around them! Some choose to ignore others and some simply don't notice.

I'd be keen to teach my children to be a bit more aware of those around them too, as a basic social skill. Some will be telling their children 'you have every right to that seat, so don't get up for someone else' but I think I'd be saying 'just be aware of those around you. You can always sit on my knee for a short time, and that might help someone else'.

MitziK · 09/02/2019 13:38

When I don't have to stand up at a Rheumatology Clinic because older people have brought their spouses along and they hog seats at the expense of the other patients, I'll be more of a dick about women with children sitting down at the doctor's - children need looking after whether Mum is unwell or not, adults don't require somebody to sit there for a couple of hours to keep them company - if the patient needs transport home, go and wait in the coffee shop, go home and come back, do some shopping, but don't take up seats when the person isn't needed there at all and just sits in the waiting area for the entire time.

Original poster
thatsmyspace · 09/02/2019 13:42

@Lizzie48 did you even read my op? It was this morning.Saturday. So obviously no school! I too have to take my my children with me too sometimes it's called being a mother 🙄

OP posts:
MyNewBearTotoro · 09/02/2019 13:43

If the women were at the doctors for themselves no wonder they didn’t want their children sat on their laps - either they were likely to be in pain or to have an illness they don’t want to pass on to their DC if they could help it.

I don’t agree with children standing for elders anyway - children have shorter legs and tire more easily. I wouldnt expect a child to stand for an able-bodied adult and in the case of an elderly or disabled person needing a seat I would expect fit and healthy adults to stand and offer before children.

anitagreen · 09/02/2019 13:43

Lol if I'm at the doctors my child is getting a seat I don't understand all this making kids sit on laps crap, same as if I'm on the bus why should I force my child to sit on my lap? It's just not needed at all.

Bobbycat121 · 09/02/2019 13:44

couldnt give a shit daisypond 😂 society isnt a mess because children like to play and get bored waiting 😂😂

WombatChocolate · 09/02/2019 13:45

And choosing to give up your own seat, or asking your child to sit on your lap and give up theirs, is not making them a second class citizen. It's simply manners and consideration for others, rather than thinking if yourself first all of the time.

The point is it's a choice. There is no rule to say 'give up your seat' but it's common decency to be aware of others and where possible to help them. Simply having a child on your lap is such an easy way to do that - yes it might be a tiny inconvenience to you in terms of being less comfortable or a bit of wriggling....but are some people not prepared to bear any level of inconvenience at all in order to make someone else's life just a little bit easier? Seeing someone who is pregnant or frail and ignoring them and letting them stand when a very small action on your part just sounds so self-absorbed. You help out not because a rule or law has told you you must, but because your basic sense of human decency points you to do it. I can only conclude that some people lack any sense of that basic human decency and only have a sense of themself and their immediate friends and family.

Original poster
thatsmyspace · 09/02/2019 13:45

@charming! Admitting to being part of the problem is nothing to boast about.

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 09/02/2019 13:48

Apologies. But no need to be rude; you're the one who needs to learn some manners judging by some of your replies.

Doctors surgeries are never normally open on a Saturday, though, so that's unusual. It would also suggest some urgency, as surely a mum would prefer to go to the doctors' surgery on a weekday whilst kids are in school??

Either way, my point stands. Taking kids with you for a GP appointment is something most of us do all we can to avoid, so I'd be sympathetic, not judgemental. Hmm

Eliza9917 · 09/02/2019 13:48

I agree with you op. When I was growing up it was the opitome of rudeness not to get up to let an adult have the seat. And toys be told off if you didn't.

I suppose it just shows the general lack of manners being instilled today, and the erosion of standards in our society.

I think it's pretty disgraceful really to allow your child to occupy a seat while someone that needs it more stands.

Entitlement, entitlement, entitlement.

Didn't you know op, children are mini gods nowadays and must be revered and hallowed by all Hmm

Which is probably why they all growing up as entitled little snowflakes.

Allyballybeee · 09/02/2019 13:50

I hate this superiority type stuffed based simply upon a number!

THIS ^

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