Parents who don't get their children to give up seats!

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Went to the doctors this morning and had a long wait.it was extremely busy as it usually is on a Saturday morning. And I was extremely shocked at the amount of parents that don't make their children give up there seats so others can sit down. An elderly gentleman positioned hisself at the end of a row of seats when right next to him was a child of maybe 4/5 and her mother the other side of her. She didn't even move the child onto her lap and offer the elderly gentleman the seat. A lady that was sitting close by stood up and gave him her chair. Another parent did the exact same thing when a pregnant lady with her toddler came in. She didn't move her child to let the pregnant lady sit down. So I stood up and offered my chair.

This isn't the first time I've encountered this. You see it all the time. Where's is people common courtesy! Maybe it's because I was raised to give up my seat to my elders I just don't understand this rudeness.

Let's be honest, people with elegant manners;

Would stand up for others less able to stand.

Wouldn't expect validation for standing up so that others could sit down.

Wouldn't criticise others for making different choices.

Wouldn't get arsey on an Internet forum with people who have differing opinions.

But then we can't all have perfect manners

My dd is disabled so I know about disabilities thanks Rainbow

I would usually say that children should give up seats for adults. In this case though I'd assume that anyone there could be ill and needing a seat even if they were laughing. The person who wasn't ill however should have given a seat to the elderly person though.

elders means anyone older than you. If we have visitors then my children are told to get up. Infact they do it automatically it's even if that person is only in their 20s.

So, you are teaching your children that they are less important than every other person in the room. Yay you.

A Drs office has many many chairs.
I would prioritise keeping my sons arse on the chair so he's not messing around.
Any other adult in the room who is capable of keeping both feet on the floor at the same time and who can manage the very difficult task of not tripping over air can give up their seat.

I would offer my own seat to an elderly person, before I asked my children to. I am pretty sure that my children would then offer me their seat if I was standing, as they are very considerate of me. I would decline, as they are as entitled to a seat as I am. I show them by example, not by asking them to do it. It should then come naturally.

I don't agree with making kids give up their seats. I would give up my own seat for an elderly person, but after dragging my child around the shops for hours I wouldn't be making them stand, their legs get tireder than mine.

@MakeAWhish teaching by example is the perfect way I think. I always say please, thank you and you're welcome to my 2.5yo so he now says it to everyone else.

People just dont seem to give up seats now which is a shame. I am not saying anyone should but the mind set seems different. I do give up my seat if I see someone in need. And would make sure my kids do as well. The kids and I can always take turns on a seat, if necessary.

Once I was going from London to Scotland on the train. I had a reserved seat. The train broke down half an hour out of London. We all got on the next one. We were packed like sardines. Someone was getting off at the next stop and gave me their seat. After that station I noticed an old lady standing. I watched and waited for a bit. No one seemed to notice or care. Even though I have a back problem and standing still for long periods makes it bad I could not sit while she stood. I gave her my seat. Then I had to stand all the way to Edinburgh. I had to change trains there and was so grateful for my seat for the rest if the journey.

An old or obviously ill person needing a seat? Well my little prince won’t be giving his up.

No one is saying that as you well know.

However if an able bodied 20/30 year old allowed a child to give up their seat for them, I would see that as the height of entitlement and bad manners.

I'd offer my seat, I wouldn't direct my child to. We would only be there together if he was ill as he is old enough to be home alone. He would then stand up too if well enough and then were other people waiting for a seat. If he was feeling quite ill then I would hope others more able would give up seats before him. Our surgery has a pile of stacking stools in addition to chairs, that may not be suitable for some people who need back support, so we would move to one of those first.

I honestly don't think you can judge anybody in a Drs waiting room. Nobody is there for fun. Often bugs and viruses can affect both parent and child.

However if an able bodied 20/30 year old allowed a child to give up their seat for them, I would see that as the height of entitlement and bad manners.

But now this ends up at the opposite end of the spectrum. Adults should always offer their seats before children, define a child, what is the cut off when they have to offer their seat instead of another child or is it only when they get to their 20’s? I wouldn’t feel bad if I saw a 10 year old offer their seat to an elderly person, I wouldn’t fall over myself to take their place.

This attitude is also rather extreme IMO.

@Imissgmichael

“People are so selfish. I can remember getting on a bus to go to an anti natal appointment, heavily pregnant and carrying a wriggly toddler. No one offered me a seat including quite a few self centred women with children. In the end a teenager with a full leg POP stood up. Disgusting really“

This happened to me when I was pregnant with my first child. I was a week within my due date and got the bus to the hospital and not one single person offered me a seat. I was the ONLY PERSON on the bus who was standing, so everyone else on the bus could see me.

But do you know what? I wasn’t disgusted or offended that no one on the bus offered me a seat. Why? Because I didn’t know any person on that bus’ circumstances - they may have (or may not have) needed the seat more than me - who am I to judge? Also, I’m not an entitled princess like a lot of people on here who would expect a child to get up from a seat while they continue to sit on their arses. People who would expect a child to offer their seat to a stranger before they would. THAT IS fucking ridiculous. THAT IS being rude and entitled. THAT IS devaluing children and making them think they are a lesser member of society than you, just because you’re senior to them.

The people who expect children to get up are the rude and entitled ones, not the people sitting on the seat!! And, in my experience it’s elder ladies (usually pensioners) who are the most rude and entitled. They turn up for the bus at the last minute, when everyone else has been waiting for ages THEN go right to the front of the queue like its their god given right to get on that bus first because they’re older than you. It’s them that are wrong with society, not fucking children!!

It's like I said earlier, I don't want to teach my son that he has to give up his seat for an adult. If I did that, then one day when he is an adult, he will just expect kids to give up their seat for him and he won't give up his seat for others. If I teach him that all able bodied people should offer seats to those less able to stand, then he can carry that lesson with him forever.
My 95 year old grandad will give up his seat for people he thinks need it more than him. He did this all the way through my pregnancy. It was like a battle of manners with us both refusing to sit and insisting the other one should.
You lot can tell me I'm doing a poor job of parenting him and can judge away. In OPs post, she expected children to move before other perfectly capable adults, but she doesn't say why she thinks that?

@Biancadelrioisback

Exactly!! I would always offer my seat before my having my child do it. That then teaches my child. I’ve asked the OP numerous times why she thinks a child should give up their sear before her and she’s not answered once.

She is clearly an entitled princess who glory hunts on the back of her children’s good manners. Then comes on to mumsnet and slates all other parents for not having the same values are her, albeit most of the mums have said they would rather get up before having their child get up!

I mean, watching your disabled son stand up to offer a seat to someone just so you can harp on about “how proud” you are of them for having good manners, it utterly ridiculous!

You sound utterly ridiculous and pretty thick OP.

HTH

She is clearly an entitled princess who glory hunts on the back of her children’s good manners

My parents always did this. We were always made to stand up for adults or offer help tidying and washing up after dinner at relatives’ houses (none of my cousins of similar age were never made to do this). Said relatives would always gush about how well mannered and polite my parents were and I remember thinking even back then, ‘why, they haven’t done anything or put themselves out, they have just made us do it?’ It seems even stranger looking back now I have children of my own, why the hell should they stand or clean up after adults while I do nothing? I think it’s a very outdated view and not in line with modern thinking where children have rights rather than simply obligations. Yes, children should have some sense of consideration and pitch it etc, but to complement the efforts of responsible adults, not substitute them.

I don't think that teaching children that they should be the ones to stand up for adults just because they're older teaches them anything except that children don't matter. Then when they become adults, they expect the same from the children around them, and become rude and judgemental about those who don't offer their seats to adults.

Far better to lead by example by offering a seat yourself to someone who needs that seat more than you do. That way you teach your child compassion and empathy and not that they themselves have no value.

Making a disabled child stand up when on crutches wouldn't make me think that you've raised your child to have manners, but that you're an abusive parent.

Passengers are requested to give up the priority seats if a disabled person needs them. That surely includes a disabled child? Or is this another example of children not having the same value as adults?

Another point, just because it might have been the way things were when you were growing up doesn't make a good thing by any means. After all, back in the 1900s it was thought to be a good thing for children to go up chimneys and down mines, or to be brought up in workhouses.

“So, you are teaching your children that they are less important than every other person in the room. Yay you.”

Subjugate em young, and they’ll be less likely to get uppity as adults. Dominance, that’s what that mindset it about.

People are being ridiculous talking about cut offs and hard and fast rules. Anyone who is able bodied should give up their seat to anyone who has a greater need than them. This might be because they're elderly, disabled, unwell or any other number of reasons. If you can see they need a seat you should offer otherwise if someone explains they need a seat you should give it to them.

Likewise if you can create more available seats by having kids on laps or sitting on the floor if they're happy to then you should do. (If you can't do this then obviously you can't).

• I wasn’t disgusted or offended that no one on the bus offered me a seat. Why? Because I didn’t know any person on that bus’ circumstances - they may have (or may not have) needed The people who expect children to get up are the rude and entitled ones, not the people sitting on the seat!! And, in my experience it’s elder ladies (usually pensioners) who are the most rude and entitled. They turn up for the bus at the last minute, when everyone else has been waiting for ages THEN go right to the front of the queue like its their god given right to get on that bus first because they’re older than you. It’s them that are wrong with society, not fucking children!!*

A few years ago I took my son and my elderly relative to an event and we had to go by train. Due to track works, the train had a bus replacement service over part of it. Because I was with a 4 year old and an 85 year old who used walking sticks, we were the last person to get to the bus. Everyone else was sitting down except the three of us. I spoke up on the bus and asked if anyone would give up their seat for my elderly relative. Not one fucking person would. An 85 year old woman who used two walking sticks, and not one person would give her a seat. Due to where we were going, half of the bus was aged between about 7 and 40. Are you saying that not one of those people was able to stand up and give an 85 year old woman a seat? I wasn't even asking for me and my 4 year old, I'd have just held onto him. In the end, we had to get off the bus and pay $70 for a taxi to get to our destination because my relative would not have been safe on that bus if she had to stand.

Tiscold elders means anyone older than you. If we have visitors then my children are told to get up. Infact they do it automatically it's even if that person is only in their 20s.

Fucking ridiculous