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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking friend to return maternity clothes

739 replies

CakeCrumbs88 · 08/02/2019 16:36

Last year a good friend of mine was pregnant with her first DC, so I gave her a load of maternity clothes; the good pieces e.g. Isabella Olivier trousers, Seraphine dresses, a lovely woollen maternity coat, rather than my washed out Primark leggings with holes.

I’m now pregnant with DC3, and she with DC2. During one WhatsApp chat I said “let me know when would be good for me to pop in and collect my pregnancy clothes, can’t believe how soon I need them with number three!”

She responded “um, pretty taken aback you’d ask me that. I’m pregnant too and you gave them to me”

I’m stunned. Surely I’m NOT unreasonable??

By way of comparison, a friend of mine gave me load of her baby’s clothes and toys when I had DC1 but when she was pregnant with her DC2 at the same time as me, I arranged to return her belongings, even though of course I could have made use of them. It didn’t occur to me not to!

FWIW, I intend to insist, but would rather get some views first to try to understand where she is coming from.

OP posts:
TurquoiseDress · 08/02/2019 21:06

The dress in the link is £55 full price

SovietKitsch · 08/02/2019 21:06

I don’t believe that half the posters saying “a gift is a gift” would really be so incapable of nuanced thought in real life...it’s just one of those MN bandwagons that exist.

Louiselouie0890 · 08/02/2019 21:07

You gave them her. You didn't loan them her. However, I would be bamboozled if someone gave me something then asked for it back but I wouldn't reply like she did. I would just say ok and thank the lord I still had them and avoid having anything from said friend again.

Aridane · 08/02/2019 21:07

(currently £45)

Atalune · 08/02/2019 21:08

soviet

You’re cray cray! Grin

Atalune · 08/02/2019 21:09

Yes if a friend of mine would be so crass to ask for it back I would be cringing so hard for them!

I’d return sweetly but inside would be thinking well....you haven’t been brought up very well!

Squigglesworth · 08/02/2019 21:10

Even if she thought you'd given them to her (rather than loaned them until you'd need them again) even if she feels like maybe you shouldn't be asking for them back I'm amazed that she'd dare to confront you about it or try to make you feel guilty or awkward. She should've just kept her opinions to herself, said "sure, I'll get them together for you", and gone shopping for some clothes of her own.

You did her a favor by letting her use them while you didn't need them. Maybe she was a bit confused by the fact that you hadn't asked for them back after the first baby was born, but that's no excuse for rudeness.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 08/02/2019 21:10

She's being a CF.

Fully expects you to fund a brand new maternity wardrobe for yourself while she swans around in your perfectly acceptable and very nice quality existing maternity stuff?

Brass neck.

slcol · 08/02/2019 21:11

Atalune it wouldn't occur to me to send such a sucky up message, the friend wouldn't be doing the oP a favour! In the context of this being a miscommunication in a long standing friendship the OP's message was totally fine IMO. It wasn't 'snotty', because the OP did not get know that 'friend' wasn't planning on returning them.

Monestasi · 08/02/2019 21:11

YANBU

Mn is a weird place sometimes. I recently lent a friend my empty apartment. she was in need.

At no point did either of us think the apartment was hers.

I don't know what world someone lives in where they think these items should not be returned to the person who needs and bought them. It is on the recipient to check if they are on loan, until then they are.

twig1234 · 08/02/2019 21:11

I'm amazed at the responses stating you are unreasonable!

RaeCJ82 · 08/02/2019 21:11

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be..."
I actually think YANBU. If I had been lent some clothes by a friend and she asked for them back, I'd give them back. I wouldn't question it. Very cheeky!

slcol · 08/02/2019 21:11

Isabella Oliver dresses are around £100 a pop

Sweetpea55 · 08/02/2019 21:12

'Here you go' doesn't mean you have given her the clothes. Neither does it mean you loaned her them either
But yourself some new stuff

SparkiePolastri · 08/02/2019 21:13

Wow, awkward all round. Her text to you is shocking.

But so is yours to her!

I can't believe you'd ask for them back like that, even if you had loaned them.

Not sure where you really go from here. Neither of you can possibly wear the clothes in the presence of the other, can you?!

abw94 · 08/02/2019 21:13

Very surprised with the responses here! I think your friend is in the wrong, they're your clothes no matter what you said when you handed them over. Her response should have been to get them back to you and if any were damaged to say so.

Can't believe some of the responses on here, ridiculous.

Monestasi · 08/02/2019 21:14

I’d return sweetly but inside would be thinking well....you haven’t been brought up very well

This made me laugh. Bless you.

twig1234 · 08/02/2019 21:14

Sparkle why shouldn't she ask for them back!!

DarklyDreamingDexter · 08/02/2019 21:16

I think if I was the friend I'd assume they were more of a long term loan than a gift - unless you stated for a fact your family was complete and you weren't planning on having more kids. (Therefore no expectation of ever wanting them back.) I might be a wee bit peeved at the timing, but I'd probably just hand them back to you and be glad I'd had the use out of them previously.

Atalune · 08/02/2019 21:16

monterasi why thank you 😁

TurquoiseDress · 08/02/2019 21:20

And for balance/comparison here is a dress from Isabella Oliver- it's £79 and that is the sale price!

www.isabellaoliver.com/uk/sale/rosa-maternity-dress-caviar-black.htm

LettuceP · 08/02/2019 21:20

Aargh I just can't get my head around this. In my head the clothes are the property of the friend not the OP. Doesn't matter who paid for them, they were given to the friend. If it was made crystal clear that they were a loan then it would be different.

And I'm thinking of this from the perspective of the person who has given the clothes not the receiver. I just can't imagine asking for them back, I'd feel too embarrassed. Okay if the friend wasn't pregnant then yeah but she is and they are her clothes that she has been given!! This thread is giving me a headache trying to understand it from the opposite point of view 😂

PrimalLass · 08/02/2019 21:20

I’d return sweetly but inside would be thinking well....you haven’t been brought up very well!

I'd think the same of you if you knew the friend needed them back and you didn't offer. Grabby.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 08/02/2019 21:20

Exactly, if I found out you were pregnant I’d feel obliged to offer them back to you...

TurquoiseDress · 08/02/2019 21:22

I’d return sweetly but inside would be thinking well....you haven’t been brought up very well

And I would be thinking precisely the same of you, as well as what a total grabby CF of a friend you were!

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