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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go grey?

222 replies

sandytoes84 · 07/02/2019 22:00

Mid 30s and I just feel too young to be this grey! Currently as soon as the roots appear and my mother starts looking back at me in the mirror I quickly dye it.

But it would be so liberating to ditch the dye and let it go natural...I see women with lovely long grey hair but am I too young/ not cool or brave enough to pull it off? Will I look much older than I am? (I have otherwise dark hair and dark brows, so the greys really show!)

Has anyone taken the plunge?!

OP posts:
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17
MrsJBaptiste · 08/02/2019 16:31

Completely agree with everything you've said newname

Grey hair on men looks fine, even great on some older men but it's just not the same on a woman below the age of 50 (at a push)

Of the pictures posted, there's probably one that looks nice and not for a 20-30 year old which is what some of the posters are talking about.

I'm early 40s and the mine every 4 weeks, it's really not that hard! However there's no way I want to look my age and will defy it for as long as possible!

CallMeWoman · 08/02/2019 16:40

Why is it so awful for a woman to look older? What is horrifying about it?

slcol · 08/02/2019 16:55

Why are people so worried about looking older/their age? I'm 38, why on earth would I want to look anything other? It isn't about it being "that hard", just a complete lack of desire to do it. Why is that so hard to understand?

Cocolepew · 08/02/2019 16:56

Or just to look their age?

Cocolepew · 08/02/2019 16:59

X post.
I have no desire to appear younger, I'm happy to look 50, that's what I am.

newnameforthis7 · 08/02/2019 17:02

Completely agree with everything you've said newname

Grey hair on men looks fine, even great on some older men but it's just not the same on a woman below the age of 50 (at a push.)

Thank you @MrsJBaptiste. Smile

Seems you can't have an opinion on here that goes against the grain without being yarped at, and accused of being horrible, and as for being called a misogynist for saying grey hair suits men better than women (50 and under.) Do bore off.

It's not 'misogynistic' to state a fact. And it's nothing to do with 'having expectations of women that you do not expect of men'. What a load of guff. It's just a fact that men (especially under 50,) suit grey hair better than women...

@Callmewoman

What is so awful about a woman looking 10 years older than she is?

What is so GOOD about it?! Wink Seriously, who the fuck wants to look 10 years older? No-one!

No woman I have ever met, EVER, in my almost 50 years of life, would CHOOSE to look 10 years older than they do. I have no issue looking my AGE, but 10 years older? NOPE!

Anyone who says they wouldn't care if they looked 10 years older than their age is lying.

If someone was 48-50 y.o and a stranger mistook them for 58-60, they would be gutted. NO-ONE wants someone thinking they are 10 years older than they are.

You can tell from the many threads on here about age/ageing. They are full of posts where people claim they get asked for I.D. to buy booze even though they're 43!!!

There are SO many threads on here where women claim everyone everyone they meet thinks they look soooooooooo much younger than they are. So I don't buy it, that people wouldn't have a problem with looking 10 years older than their age.

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 08/02/2019 17:04

I'm 42 and totally grey. I grew it out last year to see what colour it is and wore it grey for about 6 months.

It looked quite nice actually, but I felt a bit drab so I've bleached it again (v similar hair to Cocolepew).

CallMeWoman · 08/02/2019 17:04

Your interpretation and opinion does not equal fact. Do stop with the hyperbole, you are making yourself look silly.

crispysausagerolls · 08/02/2019 17:08

newname

I’m
Scared to admit it but I agree with you

slcol · 08/02/2019 17:12

It's just a fact that men shit grey hair better than women

I think you are confusing opinion with fact.

Besides, all men? All women?

I think the reason people are 'yarping' at you New name is that you've been unnecessarily aggressive tbh, a fair few people have said that they like their hair grey etc and yet you insist on 'yarping' on about how no women in real life do this, no women look good with it etc.

It's a juvenile argument, and one bound to cause offence.

slcol · 08/02/2019 17:13

And there mere fact that it is deemed acceptable to you that men age and show it through the natural changing of their hair colour but it is apparently unacceptable for women to is the very definition of misogynistic double standards when it comes to appearance.

Member · 08/02/2019 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cocolepew · 08/02/2019 17:24

Member the photos at the bottom of your big one show your face if you are wanting to remain anonymous report your own post Smile

WorraLiberty · 08/02/2019 17:27

I work with 2 women who have allowed their long hair to go naturally grey.

One is in her early 40s and the other, late 40s.

Both look undoubtedly older by about 10ish years or more but their hair is beautiful.

I think it also depends on how someone goes grey. Some are lucky enough to have lovely even streaks, rather than random patches.

Member · 08/02/2019 17:28

Thank you @Cocolepew

Cocolepew · 08/02/2019 17:35
Smile
MaggieAndHopey · 08/02/2019 17:48

@crispysausagerolls don't be scared pet!

Plenty of people have said they don't like grey hair on this thread, without incident, because they haven't been personally rude or offensive in the way that @newnameforthis7 has, calling grown women 'luv', accusing anyone who disagrees with her of 'yarping', telling people to 'bore off', whilst saying lots of things in CAPITAL LETTERS and MANY EXCLAMATION MARKS!!! as if that's a substitute for reasoned argument.

There's nothing new or interesting about what you're saying, newname - you're just restating the majority view. Women who grow out their greys in their 30s and 40s know fine well what most people think about it. They don't need to be reminded all the time. I think you should take a leaf out of @Breconbebuggered 's book:

"I was once told by someone with very platinum hair that I ought to dye it, but tbh I thought hers looked bloody awful, all dried out and brassy. I kept that thought to myself."

She kept that thought to herself. Because that's what civilised people do, on matters of personal appearance. If someone put up a photo of themselves in a new dress, would you say "It's OK I suppose. It'd look better if you lost a few pounds". I doubt it. So why is it OK to criticise someone's appearance in other ways?

ILikeyourHairyHands · 08/02/2019 17:55

I'm 45 and have let my grey come through for years now, I look my age, which is fine, it's salt an pepper now from very dark brunette and I'm very cool with it, I don't think I look like a scarecrow or 10 years older. I don't know why you're so angry with women with grey hair newname, why does it bother you so much?

To go grey?
lljkk · 08/02/2019 17:56

If you dye your hair then you very likely don't look your age. That's why people dye. To present a deceptive appearance.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 08/02/2019 18:05

The thing is, what's wrong with looking one's age? I'm very happy to look my age, I don't want to look 35 or 25, I've been those ages and I'm now the age I am, and although I occasionally think to myself, 'bloody hell Hairy, 45, how the fuck did that happen?', I'm actually very pleased to be 45, I have experience and knowledge and some hard-won wisdom, why the fuck would I want any one to think I'm a young 'un?

I've earned my bloody stripes and I'm quite comfortable with the world knowing that.

OneStepSideways · 08/02/2019 18:06

The 3 pictures a few pages back (think Maggie posted them?) the ladies look around 60-70. But imagine them with blonde/brown/red/black hair instead, do you not think it makes them look around 40-50?

They are so many ways to blend out grey without home box dyes or harsh chemicals. I get a balayage at the hairdressers every 6 months or so, streaks of dark blonde blended through in a natural way, so the grey is less noticeable.

MaggieAndHopey · 08/02/2019 18:14

That's fine for you, @OneStepSideways - but not everyone can afford to get their greys professionally covered, as I said a few pages ago. But to be honest I don't see why anyone who does dye their hair thinks this is an argument worth having. The expectation is that women should dye their hair at least until they're 60. In men, covering your greys is seen as almost a laughable affectation, but in women it's totally de rigeur.

I'm not sure how old any of the women in the pictures I posted were, but I agree with @ILikeYourHairyHands (who looks amazing by the way) that it really shouldn't matter. At 40, I want to look my age. I take care of my appearance, I go to the gym, I eat well, because it's part of keeping strong and healthy. But I have no wish for people to think I look younger than I am.

Threewheeler1 · 08/02/2019 18:26

ILikeYourHairyHands
I'm clapping at that last post! Love it.
45 too & not sure I remember getting here.
Letting the grey grow because it's me as I am now Grin

picklemepopcorn · 08/02/2019 18:34

I've just cut my hair, having seen a woman with very straggly grey hair. Mine was heading that way, and it was a wake up call. 6" off, and a damn good condition. But the grey is staying.

OneStepSideways · 08/02/2019 18:35

But to be honest I don't see why anyone who does dye their hair thinks this is an argument worth having

It's an interesting debate. I think there's more to it than just looking your age or not, or following a trend.

Grey has lots of negative connotations in our culture- it's a sad colour, associated with death, decay, rainclouds, fog, mould, cobwebs, smoke, dull metal. In tech talk things are 'greyed out' when there's an error. Witches are usually depicted with straggly grey hair. Cruella DeVille is shown with grey streaks in her hair. Elsa in Frozen accidentally puts a grey stripe in her sister's hair when she injures her.
Grey is rarely portrayed in a positive way. Perhaps this will change for future generations?