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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Over 8s in the changing rooms

999 replies

HenweeArcher · 07/02/2019 20:19

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

OP posts:

Oxytocindeficient · 09/02/2019 17:19

FrancisCrawford

Oh my god. I had not heard of that case at Eddie Katz & Putney leisure. I’ve been to Eddie Katz loads of times with my DD and used the facilities. How horrible to think he may have images of us... gross

Dothehappydance · 09/02/2019 17:20

What kind of changing rooms are people actually using?

All my local ones are changing villages and the one I used as a child had separate male and female changing areas there was still individual cubicles. My 12yr old DD wouldn't want to be undressed in front of lots of other women, so just an open room doesn't seem particularly fair on anyone.

EdtheBear · 09/02/2019 17:26

Are you seriously trying to say mums shouldn't take their sons swimming?
Its not always possible to go to different pools or to have a man or even another adult there.

I have an almost 8yo and a toddler. I can't take them myself because of supervision ratios. We struggle to find time when Dads around. Oldest goes to lessons so he at least gets in the pool.

If it wasn't a changing village locally by the logic of some people he wouldn't get swim at all. I wouldn't trust him alone in mens.

EdtheBear · 09/02/2019 17:41

Happy Dance

The open communal ones I've come across are mainly private leisure clubs and hotels. Where lots of private swimming lessons seem to take place.

But even pools with male / female with cubicles tend to have 8 as the cut off.

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2019 17:41

“Are you seriously trying to say mums shouldn't take their sons swimming?”

No. I am seriously saying that mums shouldn’t take their over 8 year old sons into women’s changing rooms.

EdtheBear · 09/02/2019 17:45

My question was really directed at Justtwomoreseconds but seriously how are mums supposed to do it?

Risk your 8 yo, go into the mens yourself or just don't go swimming?

DragonKiller · 09/02/2019 17:47

Actually, I retract what I said before, 8 is not too young for a cut-off point. I guess I forgot what it was like at that age (it's been a while) but if I'd have been an 8 year old boy, there is no way I'd WANT to be in an all female changing room. It would be very uncomfortable, even prior to puberty.
Also, remembering what it was like, if I was a young girl of a similar age then yes, I would feel uncomfortable with them being there. An adult or older teen may not feel so uncomfortable as 8 is so much younger but they wouldn't want someone their own age watching them.
That might have been a bit convoluted but... We need more family changing rooms!

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2019 17:48

Get him changed before you go.
Get him changed under a towel at the poolside.
Teach him how to get himself changed in the men’s changing room.

Just don’t expect girls to budge up to make room for him.

nousernamesavailable · 09/02/2019 17:54

*@BertrandRussell *

*1. Get him changed before you go.

Get him changed under a towel at the poolside.
Teach him how to get himself changed in the men’s changing room.*

Why should boys have to do this?? Seriously....boys should change at the poolside?! I don’t think so!!!
ALL children should have equal rights as children , not rights for girls that don’t apply for boys!!! ALL children should have the right to be treated with dignity and worth, and ALL children should be allowed to remain with their parent if it’s the right thing for that child.
Some of the comments on this post are unbelievable!!!

Cinnamon12345 · 09/02/2019 17:55

We had a swimming pool when I was at primary school. All children managed to get changed by themselves....

HalfBloodPrincess · 09/02/2019 18:01

So where are the girls equal rights when you’re invading their changing room with your Male child?

Why is it ok to have rights for boys that don’t apply to girls?
Can you not see how hypocritical you’re being?
It’s not the girls responsibility to welcome the boys into their own space.

Boys have their own space.

HalfBloodPrincess · 09/02/2019 18:02

Bold fail, probably due to excessive use of exclaimation in quotes post

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2019 18:06

“ALL children should have equal rights as children , not rights for girls that don’t apply for boys!!! ALL children should have the right to be treated with dignity and worth,”
I agree. Including the right to privacy and not to change in the presence of the opposite sex. This applies to both boys and girls.

Weetabixandshreddies · 09/02/2019 18:11

*1. Get him changed before you go.

Get him changed under a towel at the poolside.
Teach him how to get himself changed in the men’s changing room.*

So those are solutions for boys, if we have single sex changing.

But, if we have unisex changing they aren't a solution for women who don't want to use unisex facilities?

Could someone explain the difference please?

HalfBloodPrincess · 09/02/2019 18:22

*So those are solutions for boys, if we have single sex changing.

But, if we have unisex changing they aren't a solution for women who don't want to use unisex facilities?

Could someone explain the difference please?*

Ideal solution is facilities for all - female only, male only, family. Single sex spaces are still needed.

If a woman doesn’t want to get changed in a unisex space, she can find somewhere that has a single sex space, or not go swimming.

The difference is choice.

HalfBloodPrincess · 09/02/2019 18:24

Half my post got cut off.

A female can make the choice off her own back if she wants to use unisex or female only.
By bringing a Male into the female only, you’re making that space unisex, which takes away that choice.

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2019 18:25

If there is only unisex changing and a woman doesn’t want to use it , she has to find a different solution. Of course.

squeezysparklyballs · 09/02/2019 18:37

I'm wondering how many of those offences were committed by eight year old boys.

EdtheBear · 09/02/2019 18:49

I'm just wtf at the get them changed before you go suggestion. How is that even a suggestion?
Where do they put there shoes, jacket, are they meant to go home wet?

Why don't people do that with their daughters?

FrancisCrawford · 09/02/2019 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HalfBloodPrincess · 09/02/2019 18:55

I despair. I really do.

Facts:

Unisex for everyone.
Female only for females only.
Male only for males only.

If you don’t want your sons in the men’s then use any of the other options available to you. Using the female only space is not an option.

Dothehappydance · 09/02/2019 19:02

I take my DD ready mainly because it is so tight for time between me getting in from work and going out (and I want some tea) Puts her swimsuit on and puts the clothes on top, she strips off in the loo and goes through to the pool.

EdtheBear · 09/02/2019 19:18

Happydance taking them dressed doesn't solve the problem. They still need to remove outer clothing, walk through a changing room and get dried somewhere.

The solution has to be family change facilities but where those don't exist is a issue.

importantkath · 09/02/2019 19:28

I hate swimming lessons. It really is the lowest point of my week, simply due to changing rooms .

There are no family changing facilities. The common area is full of individual changing cubicles, or a group changing (male or female).

DS1 aged 9 (ASD and struggles to dress, distracted easily etc) is 9. DD is 8 (independent, no issues). DS2 is 5 and still needs a little help. DS3 is 3 and needs to be with me.

I have been shouted at, in the middle of trying to get my kids dressed, for having him in the communal changing rooms with me. There is no other option. He hadn't got a clue about anything sexual, his disability is a hidden one, he gets dropped off at the pool by a taxi after swimming.

What about my rights? They aren't going to build a family changing room just for me, other families would just nab it anyway, but we have a right to swimming lessons. It's the only weekly activity we do and we live next to a lake, so it's vital, plus we all love it.

I just hate the changing rooms, because I feel so judged and uncomfortable.

EdtheBear · 09/02/2019 19:51

Kath I feel your pain.

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