Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

It really doesn’t. It’s not for girls to sacrifice their spaces for a boy. And I despair of all parents who are teaching their sons this.
No wonder misogyny is still such a huge problem in this day and age.

That would be the ideal @Mummabear2212 but it's not always possible where there are only male and female changing rooms.

Our local pool only has mixed changing - all cubicles at the pool side. That is the ideal.

Allusernamestakenbutthis, I think you’ll find a young girl who is just developing breast might care.

I'm a mother to 2 son's and no way would I have taken them into the women's changing rooms after the age of 8, and I'm pretty sure they didn't want to go in there either, DS2 in particular is very private.

I don't think there's a gay paedophile around every corner and they were capable of dressing themselves, so they went in the men's. Although, maybe it depends on where you live? We've had paedophilic teachers, scout leaders, postman, that I can remember, but I've never heard of anyone being assaulted during a swim class. Maybe I'd have been more reluctant to send them in alone if there had been a recent assault? Having said that, I still wouldn't have taken them in the woman's, I'd have put them in a onesie or dressing gown to drive home.

I can't believe how some posters can't see how entitled their behaviour is and how they are passing that attitude on to their sons.

That's behind a paywall.

What is that 90% based on? N data please.

FrancisCrawford

Surely if you don't like the facilities on offer then you have the same choices as are being presented to mothers of boys

-go somewhere else

• wrap a towel around yourself and change in the car
• or just don't go

Young boy assaulted in toilet after school swimming lesson - no supervision because all teachers were female.

www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk/news/gloucester-news/schoolboy-sexually-assaulted-using-toilet-1077736

Seems as though the teachers didn't even report the incident to his parents.

The girls change in the ladies and are supervised by the three teachers

One of the female teachers should be standing outside of the male changing rooms/toilets for safeguarding.

I get the arguement that some girls may be developing and find it embarrassing. However it works both ways. My sons teacher, when he was age 11, didn’t think it was an issue to allow the girls in the changing room while HE was still changing, and he was terribly embarrassed. The girls spent the whole afternoon giggling and talking about it. As a mum of boys I’ve really had my eyes opened to how vulnerable and self conscious boys can be. If however there is a boy in the changing room watching and giggling at women I would definitely call them out tbh, but generally I think boys are in there because they look older than they really are or are having difficulties. My sons generally don’t want to see me or any other woman naked and would usually be terribly embarrassed and change under a towel!

My son looked 8 when he was 5 and I was so tired of the constant questioning and being asked to leave changing rooms, etc. He became so upset by the questioning aged 7 he insisted on using the men’s toilets in a shopping center and got stuck in the cubicle for 30mins. In hindsight I should have carried his birth certificate around! Perhaps this is the only solution!

This is why family changing rooms or toilets are ideal.

I stopped going to a gym because there were boys that appeared aged 10 or more staring at me every time and there were no private cubicles.

Developing young adults are also easily embarrassed.

Open changing rooms deter a lot of people for all sorts of reasons.

In a leisure centre your sons dob will be on his membership so if the women had have not believed you and complained then they would have been put right.

And yes your son should not have been put in that position and I would have been angry enough to complain to the school if it were me.

But this
As a mum of boys I’ve really had my eyes opened to how vulnerable and self conscious boys can be
Works both ways and if you can understand that, then you should understand why boys and girls over the age of 8 should not be in the changing room of the opposite sex

There have been threads on here about how unsafe changing villages are, men exposing themselves in them and secretly filming people changing (which I know men have been convicted of) and women saying we should demand single sex changing spaces only. So we go round and round.
I used to be quite relaxed about letting my boys use toilets in public spaces but have become a lot so after reading about several cases where a child (male or female) was assaulted in them.

In a leisure centre your sons dob will be on his membership

Do you mean a private members only one?

Our leisure centre is council run - you just turn up so no membership or anything.

I wouldn’t let my 8yo son go alone in a male changing room. Not sure what I’d do if that was the only option available (our local leisure centre has family changing, though).

Lifeinthelastlane

This is what I find so bizarre. Some of the very same posters arguing for single sex changing on the grounds that men are dangerous and they have no way of knowing who the safe ones are so they need to be kept out of female changing rooms are then happy to send 8 ye old unaccompanied boys in there.

If the truly believe that men are a threat how can they in all good conscience insist on little boys being sent into the danger?

*Do you mean a private members only one?

Our leisure centre is council run - you just turn up so no membership or anything*

Ours is council run (Monmouthshire) You sign up for free membership then get subsidised swimming/gym etc. It’s not compulsory but worth doing if you use it often. Was a similar set up when I lived in London, but I think it was more to do with 8-16 year olds getting free swimming sessions in half terms/school holidays.

Its totally bazaar when you think of it that way.
Unisex changing villages at least have individual cubicles for people to change in, reducing the risk of assault or attack.
The issue really is open single sex communal changing areas.

You do realise that issues of parents with opposite sex children and single sex changing areas is an age old problem!
My mother is in her 70's wasn't overly keen when the local pool changed to having a mixed changing village. Then recalled she stopped swimming with her Dad when she wanted to go into the Ladies and he didn't feel she was old enough to look after herself!

franciscrawford I agree. There should be female only, male only, and family. The communal spaces shouldn’t be at the expense of single sex

Unisex changing villages at least have individual cubicles for people to change in, reducing the risk of assault or attack

See I would have thought that a lockable cubicle would be more of a risk factor than an open space

TBF the local facilities had similar issues of people being filmed so they amended the cubicles so they went to the floor and rails across the top prevents people being able to stand on the seat and look over.

However women being filmed is less of a worry than young unaccompanied children being assulted.

Female spaces must be respected!
I agree that male changing rooms can feel unsafe for an 8yo boy but the solution is NOT to ignore the girls right to privacy and dignity. Never!
Family pool, other pool, go with dad or another trusted male, etc. but don’t be selfish and allow your precious DC to walk all over the girls. What are you trying to teach him??

I bet someone bringing their 8-9-10 yo boy with them in the ladies changing room wouldn’t be happy for their 8-9-10yo DD to have to change in front of a male if she is uncomfortable.