Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

And paedophiles are more likely to be in places where large groups of children gather and are sometimes alone, such as changing rooms (football training clubs, for example)

And this is what people should be demanding solutions to. But there’s ways to do it without compromising female only spaces.

“I have a son. It's an issue for me”

So do I. When he was 8 he was not at risk in the men’s changing rooms at our local swimming pool.

They're not female only. It's adult women and children of both sexes.

We’re also talking about girls over the age of 8 having no access to the male changing area

Are there signs on the changing room door to that effect?

Children up to the age of 8.

They're not female only. It's adult women and children of both sexes

Up to the age of 8

Are there signs on the changing room door to that effect?

Yes.

@HalfBloodPrincess I couldn't agree more, however unfortunately as this thread has demonstrated by some, it has become a battle ground for mum's with DD's versus mum's with DS'. Actually, all children need protecting and their dignity, self respect and wishes listened to. Both girls and boys, as children they are equally important and equally in need of protection. The dangers of the men changing rooms need dealing with (as you have quite rightly said several times) and not a them vs us situation when talking about children.

It is a shame, that collectively as parents we can't work together for change for tbe better for all.

Eight is too young.

You wouldn't allow an eight year old boy to go off on his own in a city centre. Why is this different?

Put the limit around ten or eleven and I might agree with it.

Not eight. That's just stupid.

“, it has become a battle ground for mum's with DD's versus mum's with DS'”
I have both. To me is is a “battle” (for want of a better word” between people who think girls have a rights to privacy and dignity and people who think they should give it up for the convenience of boys.

Absolutely you should complain and mums of boys should complain too and demand family changing. Putting them in the female changing room is just another instance where because some men and dirty pervs that can’t be trusted boys have to be placed in women’s spaces making young girls very uncomfortable. Use the space of them men’s changing room to make family and men can be crammed in their changing rooms. Why do women always have to make the sacrifices for essentially men’s issues.

He was at risk actually- your son just got lucky. I'm deadly serious here.

I love how the boys so apparently safe and harmless to have in the girls changing rooms till 13 are also the very same boys you are avoiding in the men's just in case ....

Theres an awful lot of nt boys who apparently can't be trusted to stand still.outside a doot for 5 mins. I think some parents need to work on that tbh jts a bit ridiculous.

Btw they manage fine at school to change and behave themselves. Unless you are called in to change them?

I don't think 9 or old boys are perverts. I do think my 12 year old dd doesn't wanna take her clothes off in front of them. And has evey right to not have to be naked with her Male classmates.

And the boys shouldn't be put in that situation either. God it must he embarrassing to have to stand their with your mum trying to not make eye contact with your table partner....

I've seen 9 year olds bigger than my 12 year old . I don't see how they'd even want to go into the womens. It must be like when your nan licks a tissue and wipes your face in front of everyone at the school gates..

I have both sexes - 2 ds (14 and 18 months) and a dd (15) (also pregnant with a dd) so can truly understand the dilemma, but when it comes down to it, is my daughters right to privacy and dignity that should never be up for question.

An eight year old boy in the female changing room has not (usually) gone through puberty and is under the supervision of his mother. That's the difference.

@BertrandRussell I agree that boys over the age of 8 should not be in the female changing rooms and can see many solutions round this. In no way do I think that my DS when he is that age should being that environment, that is completely unfair on women and girls in their safe space. But, until the issue around safety in men's changing rooms is addressed this will always be an issue. There needs to be parents working together to adapt facilities for all children rather than people agreeing that women/girls need protection from men but then saying young boys should be sent into this environment. It's become a thread of bickering about something so very serious. It is so important that girls and women are allowed their space and their voices are heard and respected. It is of equal importance that we can send boys off to get changed without being fearful of the real threat of sexual or physical violence against them. It shouldn't be boy vs girl but all children should be protected.

I don't care if he's not gone through puberty, I don't want him gasping at me

*gawping!

My 8 year DS2 has to go in the male changing room with the boys in his class who are mostly 7. The girls change in the ladies and are supervised by the three teachers. I find this mad. Do boys not also need to feel safe? The same happened to my DS2. Only female teachers. He was so young. He stuck his hand in a urinal. I was helping out fortunately, so I walked straight into the men’s and helped him. I doubt a man would complain to havin a woman in the changing room though?. I’ve had my son molested right in front of me. I would never, NEVER let him go in a changing room unless he felt 100 percent safe. It takes just a second to molest a child. Let’s be a bit more understanding, please, and am not just suggesting to OP. If you have an issue, I suggest you ask the parent. I release it may be an uncomfortable situation, but you may find they are big boys who look a lot older that they really are. As for the comments about girls feeling uncomfortable, really how sexual are boys below 10? They are not. And if they laugh at someone’s boobs, who cares?

An eight year old boy in the female changing room has not (usually) gone through puberty and is under the supervision of his mother. That's the difference

But an 8 year old girl could have started/be going through. And that’s the whole point. It’s her place. If having a same age boy there makes her feel a tiny hint of embarrassed/uncomfortable/ashamed then that’s why he needs to get out/not be there in the first place.

I think all parents would he up for that.

They are just fed up with the solution apparently being the womens room. Because that means it mo longer is the women room and that leaves everyone with nothing doesn't it?

Theres no miraculous transformation that occurs at midnight on their 10th birthday . They aren't any safer at 10 than they are at 9. Or will even be at 11. My brother was 15 when he shot up. Theres no way he could have been in a ladies changing room till then.

At some point we need to stop bullying women to take boys in their spaces till some arbitrary age and do something about it. Making out we arenthe villains somehow is just getting men and boys off the hook

Safety trumps being made to feel a bit uncomfortable.

Family changing rooms are the answer but they're not always available.

Safety trumps being made to feel a bit uncomfortable

Nope

Yep!

Why does it have to be either or? Either boys safe, or girls comfortable? Why can we not keep the boys safe in their spaces AND the girls comfortable in theirs?