Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

discreetly - thank you! Serves me right for having AutoCorrect switched on.

that 8 year old boys are sent into the same room as these not harmful men?

That should read not harmless men

Do you tend to dry your hair whilst looking at your feet?
No - exactly.

How do you square that circle?

Not by bringing boys into female spaces. You make the Male changing areas safe.(I’ve given my suggestions already)

Or go somewhere with a family changing area.

I would imagine they are getting changed?

The point is - they are not getting changed - they are avoiding getting changed.

The lengths some posters will go to to present men and boys as a persecuted minority is extraordinary
Of course they aren’t. However children are known to be a vulnerable group and protected as such, UNCRC etc. So we should have a vested interest as parents in looking out for children. Not just the female ones.

HalfBloodPrincess
I'm not disagreeing with you.

I just find the attitude expressed above really shocking.

"I believe that men are potentially dangerous therefore they need to be kept away from girls an women but little boys don't deserve to be kept safe from these men that I believe to be dangerous".

There is just no recognition at all about what they are saying.

Tbh, I do think that 8 is quite young still, I'd have no problem with them being there.
But there really is a need for family changing rooms or even just more individual cubicles.

I sonmt think boys are at risk in the men’s changing room of a swimming pool. I do not think girls are at risk in the women’s changing room of a swimming pool. I do think that both boys and girls have the right to privacy and, beyond a certain age, should be allowed to change in the company of their own sex.

Why 8? That's far too young to send them in the male changing room alone.

Why isn't it 10 or 11?

squeezy it's because 8yo girls may have started puberty and are entitled to privacy. They develop at a younger age than their male peers.

it's because 8yo girls may have started puberty and are entitled to privacy. They develop at a younger age than their male peers

That statement doesn't make sense - there are just as likely to be 10/11 year old girls in the changing room as 8 year old girls.

“That's far too young to send them in the male changing room alone.”

As I said-if I raised a NT physically able 8 year old of either sex who could not get changed without help I would consider myself a failure.

Howeverchildrenare known to be a vulnerable group and protected as such, UNCRC etc. So we should have a vested interest as parents in looking out for children.

^^This. Parents of girls, parents of boys and parents of both should be campaigning for solutions that see both sexes kept both safe and comfortable. Unfortunately debates like this thread do a good job of pitting parents against each other, depending upon which sex child you have. They are all potentially vulnerable. This thread has made me intend to write a strongly worded letter to my local leisure centre. But I doubt they'll be flooded with similar correspondence, so what's the likelihood of anything changing? So until then I'm faced with a situation whereby I either jeopardise my son's safety, jeopardise his female peers' right to comfort and privacy, or sacrifice our swimming trips when dh can't come too. The choice really is that stark.

That statement doesn't make sense - there are just as likely to be 10/11 year old girls in the changing room as 8 year old girls

Therefore, the reason for the rule must be based on the perceived maturity of the boys.

That statement doesn't make sense - there are just as likely to be 10/11 year old girls in the changing room as 8 year old girls.

I'm not sure I follow you. We're talking about boys over 8 being in female only spaces. An 8yo boy is unlikely to have started puberty but his female peers may well have done so and therefore be uncomfortable getting changed in front of a male of the same age.

Whatafustercluck

I'm not sure I follow you

Your statement only makes sense if all of the females getting changed are aged 8 or younger.

Otherwise - there is always the potential for girls aged 10, 13, 15 etc. to be in the changing room. The op in this thread is an adult.

Oh come on Bertrand, that's not the issue.

Perverts, aggressive older boys, men who are just cunts are the issue

I have a DS whose currently 1, so I am a long way from this issue. I'm also fortunate that our local facilities have family changing so hopefully can avoid this dilemma. I know my solution wouldn't be to bring my DS into the family changing above the centre age (8 in this case) but instead to use toilets, chuck clothes on and shower at home etc. However, one pp has highlighted that we must safeguard girls and women from boys being in the women's changing room as men can be harmful. This is absolutely correct. Women and girls must be kept safe from harm and potentially harmful men. So why then, is it ok for me to send my DS and other little boys into vulnerable situations with no one to keep them safe? I'm not saying the answer is to have them change in women only spaces, but as parents, surely to stop bickering, come together to petition centres to have family changing well as single sex facilities to protect all children, regardless?

I'm not sure I follow you. We're talking about boys over 8 being in female only spaces. An 8yo boy is unlikely to have started puberty but his female peers may well have done so and therefore be uncomfortable getting changed in front of a male of the same age

We’re also talking about girls over the age of 8 having no access to the male changing area

“Perverts, aggressive older boys, men who are just cunts are the issue”

Not for me it isn’t.

Good for you.

I have a son. It's an issue for me.

Agree with squeezy the thread got derailed by whether or not an 8yo can/ should be able to shower and change themselves. It's a question of safety for me. And that doesn't mean I see a paedophile on every corner or that all men are a danger. But it's a recognition of statistics that 95% of violent and sexual crime is committed by men - against women, against children, against other men. And paedophiles are more likely to be in places where large groups of children gather and are sometimes alone, such as changing rooms (football training clubs, for example).

We’re also talking about girls over the age of 8 having no access to the male changing area

Indeed. Thanks for the reminder