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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Over 8s in the changing rooms

999 replies

HenweeArcher · 07/02/2019 20:19

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

OP posts:

nolongersurprised · 09/02/2019 12:08

You could argue it’s even more relevant in Australia - to swim for 2km at 8 years a child has usually had countless years of swimming lessons prior. They are familiar with swimming lessons.

Weetabixandshreddies · 09/02/2019 12:11

And that is why it is irrelevant.

If by age 8 they have had countless lessons then they are well used to swimming and no doubt have friends there that they change with.

Contrast to UK.

Age 8. Never swum before. 1st time ever at a pool and you get separated from your parent and left to fathom it out. Boy or girl isn't relevant.

Dothehappydance · 09/02/2019 12:14

Do you wipe his bottom for him as well?

As it happens, I do. Do you think I do it for the shits and giggles? (No pun intended)

nolongersurprised · 09/02/2019 12:16

“Age 8. Never swum before. 1st time ever at a pool and you get separated from your parent and left to fathom it out. Boy or girl isn't relevant.”

You’ve brought this up before. IIRC another poster replied that it was a parent’s responsibility to walk them through the area and help with navigation. And also that it was the first time only once.

And most children practice dressing and undressing twice/day and drying themselves once.

Weetabixandshreddies · 09/02/2019 12:24

IIRC another poster replied that it was a parent’s responsibility to walk them through the area and help with navigation

How do you walk them through it if you aren't there?

And getting dressed and undressed at home is not the same as organising yourself and doing it in a public place is it?

I would be surprised if all 8 year olds are totally self sufficient with showering/dressing and organising all of their belongings at home with no input from a parent.

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2019 12:25

NT physically able children of either sex need to be in the correct changing room at whatever age the pool has decided. Usually 8. This will not come as a surprise to pool users. So they either make sure their 8 year old is capable of changing or they make alternative arrangements. I honestly don’t see why this is even a subject for discussion.

The lengths some posters will go to to present men and boys as a persecuted minority is extraordinary.

Clavinova · 09/02/2019 12:31

On a normal day - LEGOLAND don't allow adults to enter the park unless they are accompanied by children - I wouldn't have a problem with a young boy going into a male changing room alone if all of the adult males in there were accompanied by children.

Clavinova · 09/02/2019 12:38

just stand outside the men's and tell him to yell if he is u comfortable

That's fine if they are in and out within a couple of minutes, but if they take longer than that because they are waiting for a cubicle, then it's natural for the mother to worry about what's going on in there.

Biancadelrioisback · 09/02/2019 12:59

What suddenly happens when a bit turns 8?
Why are so many girls terrified as young boys? Why are so many girls embarrassed of their bodies? The problems here are boys being separated from their mothers and made to feel like they are bad or wrong. Young girls being told that they should fear men, even young boys, that they should hide their bodies, any young boy who still wants to change with his mother is instantly a pervert. It's madness! I'm so pleased that all my pools have family changing

Oxytocindeficient · 09/02/2019 13:03

Why are so many girls embarrassed of their bodies?

What kind of bullshit response is this? Are you female? Is it really so hard to understand girls, and many boys also, do not want to get changed in front of the opposite sex? Particularly when their bodies are changing? Ffs the lack of empathy on this thread is mind-blowing. It’s not just girls, women want privacy too.

Oxytocindeficient · 09/02/2019 13:05

Young girls being told that they should fear men

It’s called safeguarding. Are you really trying to say men are harmless and we have nothing to worry about? You really don’t think about the girls who have already been abused? Or the adult women either?

It’s fucking simple. We all live in a country with sex separated spaces. Women fought for thisfor our safety and privacy. We shouldn’t be told we are ridiculous for wanting to maintain our boundaries.

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2019 13:05

They are not terrified of boys. They just don’t want to get changed in front of them. Just as boys don’t want to get changed in front of girls.

HalfBloodPrincess · 09/02/2019 13:10

Young girls being told that they should fear men, even young boys, that they should hide their bodies, any young boy who still wants to change with his mother is instantly a pervert

Young girls being told that their right to feel comfortable in their own skin in their own safe place. That they have body autonomy. That their bodies are their own and they can hide them or not but it’s their right to choose. That their voice, opinion and dignity is theirs only, and no one of the opposite can take that.
By letting a boy into that space you are STEALING that from girls. Actually taking that away. How dare anyone think that’s an option!

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2019 13:18

They are not being taught to fear boys. They are being told that their rights and needs matter and they don’t have to budge up to let boys in.

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2019 13:19

Or what HalfBloodPrincess said.

Clavinova · 09/02/2019 13:31

We shouldn’t be told we are ridiculous for wanting to maintain our boundaries

In which case, can we have a ban on female exhibitionists as well?

I've been a health club member on and off for 20 years and invariably there is one woman (not the same woman) who wanders about the changing room au naturel, whilst the rest of us are getting dressed discretely.

When I'm drying my hair in the mirror, I really don't want to see another woman's pubic hair staring back at me for 10 minutes!

Are these women making a feminist/lesbian statement? Pubescent girls must feel as embarrassed as the rest of us.

HalfBloodPrincess · 09/02/2019 13:33

When I'm drying my hair in the mirror, I really don't want to see another woman's pubic hair staring back at me for 10 minutes!

Don’t look then.

Fuck sake.

MsTSwift · 09/02/2019 13:35

Young developing children in very late childhood and early adolescence have been kept apart when changing in most cultures since time immemorial surely - this is hardly a new untested development .

Clavinova · 09/02/2019 13:35

Don’t look then

Very difficult to avoid unless I look at my feet!

MsTSwift · 09/02/2019 13:38

That’s and entirely different thing though isn’t it? Dear god. Totally agree with halfblood

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2019 13:38

“Are these women making a feminist/lesbian statement?“
I would imagine they are getting changed? I don’t think wandering around naked is a requirement for being a feminist.
Mind you, it’s been a while since I checked. They might have changed the rules.....

MsTSwift · 09/02/2019 13:39

Oh and you mean “discreetly” not “discretely” they are different things.

HalfBloodPrincess · 09/02/2019 13:40

Very difficult to avoid unless I look at my feet!

Well there you go. Your problem, solved in 2 posts. Doesn’t happen very often on here does it!

Weetabixandshreddies · 09/02/2019 13:41

Interesting that you think it is a safeguarding issue and that men are harmful - yet you are demanding that 8 year old boys are sent into the same room as these not harmful men?

How do you square that circle?

This is where my issue lies.

You think boys in female changing is a privacy issue - fine.

You think boys in female changing is a safeguarding issue because "men aren't harmless" but are fine with young boys being sent off to these "not harmless men" - that's a disgusting attitude.

If you truly think that men are a risk then you should be as bothered about protecting boys from them as you are girls. IF you truly believe that men are a safety risk.

Dothehappydance · 09/02/2019 13:41

Do you tend to dry your hair whilst looking at your feet?

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