Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

At 8 you may not know if your child is NT or has SN. It is a common age where development finally slips sufficiently behind "normal" for schools and professionals to begin investigating and finally taking parental concerns seriously.

I don't know if my 8yo is NT or has SN or quite what they may be. I do know that I've been banging my head for years as my 5yo gains skills quicker than his older sibling, and that school has been holding us back for years on things like dyslexia testing when DS in y3 still hasn't met his yR target for correctly writing his name.

It feels like a bloody cheek to attempt to use a disabled area on a "I think my opposite sex child has some kind of dyslexia/ dyspraxia/ ADHD/ ASD disorder that means that they are too disorganised and faffy to reliably change themselves unsupervised".

Hopefully when my younger DS is 8, he will be competant to change independently, plus he is likely to be accompanied by his older sibling with an extra couple of years of maturing.

I have been trying to train my 8yo a good while before his 8th birthday, but he is an anxious child, resistant to change and gets lost in his own thoughts. Swimming areas are full of sensory overload (noise and humidity) and I really don't want to trigger meltdown by exceeding his limits.

I still can't say that he isn't NT though.

The room we use is a female family room, seperate to the main female comunal/ cubical facilities. I'm hoping that starting lessons with school might boost his organisation skills because he's just not picked them up from me despite years of effort. I don't do it for him, but he does need prompting as he just doesn't pick up logical routines. The cubicals in the changing village zone are too small to supervise both DCs as obviously my u8 needs supervising too. Standing outside giving prompts is too stressful for DS and counter-productive.

I remember being y6 and regularly being the last to be dressed and sorted at the school swimming lessons and being ushered out of the door by teachers. I don't think I would have been competant to be left unsupervised at 8 either.

“If you expect boys to manage alone at 8 yrs old then expect girls to do the same.”

Yet you’re the main voice on this thread insisting that girls 8 plus need help. The thread is littered with posts with people saying that their

If you can’t see the difference between a young person travelling alone on public transport late at night and an over 8 year old getting changed at a swimming pool at family swimming time then there is no point in further discussion.

Who says we are only talking about family swimming time? At quiet times it's quite possible that it could be 1 boy and 1 man in the changing room. How would the mum know who is in there?

@birdiewoof just stand outside the men's and tell him to yell if he is u comfortable. I wouldn't send my son into public toilets in the park but in a restaurant the chances of assault are extremely unlikely. Regardless you are being inconsiderate and if you were at my pool I would complain. It's mollycoddling - Do you wipe his bottom for him as well?

nolongersurprised

I am not saying 8 yr old girls need help. I am telling you what I see - mums fussing around helping their daughters just because they can because they are the same sex. If their dds are perfectly capable why are they in the changing room, clogging it up for other people? If they don't need help why not stay outside and let them get on with it rather than hover around, picking up clothes, sorting lockers, washing their hair?

@wellhellothereall

Oh yeah course I do 🙄 how the hell is me taking him in ladies toilets molly coddling?! What’s the big deal, there aren’t people crouching shitting in public are there. Geez.

“The posters saying that boys should wrap up in a towel and then get dressed in the car, do the same for your daughters.”

But they do! It’s a non-issue. One of mine was in the pool for 6 sessions last week, last night she couldn’t be bothered changing (independently, btw) at the pool and chucked on a T-shirt and a towel and showered at home. If my son, when he’s 8, has to do this so as not to be in a girls’ changing room I don’t think it’s a big deal at all.

(He won’t, because he should be swimming at squad level by then and the kids travel in packs, both in and out of the water).

“Who says we are only talking about family swimming time? At quiet times it's quite possible that it could be 1 boy and 1 man in the changing room. How would the mum know who is in there?”

Shouldn’t matter. Why are you assuming all men are a risk?

We are in England. It was snowing here last week.

Any child taken home from swimming wearing a t shirt and a towel would be receiving a visit from social services.

And fgs. I get it. Your children are in the swimming squad, as you keep saying.

It is different here in the UK. Is that so difficult to understand?

@birdiewoof I am less bothered about the loos to be honest. I was speaking on that more from the child's perspective of having to use ladies loos at 10. It doesn't bother me although I think it odd. Changing rooms are different though. Girls are getting undressed and boys shouldn't be in there

“If their dds are perfectly capable why are they in the changing room, clogging it up for other people? If they don't need help why not stay outside and let them get on with it“

Yep. I agree.

“I am not saying 8 yr old girls need help”

Exactly. And neither do the vast majority of 8 year old boys. So you now agree they dont need to be in the female changing rooms so their mums can help them get changed?

Shouldn’t matter. Why are you assuming all men are a risk?

I'm not.

Just wondering why, in every other situation, you insist that men, as a class, are a risk.

Unless it's when they are naked, around unaccompanied naked boys?

nolongersurprised

Tell mums that they can't accompany their dds into the changing rooms and then that's fine.

weetabix

You said that posters (ie me) who suggested a boy wrap a towel around themselves should also accept that a girl does the same. I replied that my daughters do this, it’s a non-event.

I agree Weetabix parents over over 8s should be told to stay out of the changing rooms - they don't need to be in there . I am as guilty as the rest on that. I just sit on a bench and chat taking up space with all the other mums

That said that's an entirely different issue from boys being in girls changing rooms

Unless the parents are also swimming, so therefore getting changed themselves, there’s no need for them to be in the changing rooms at all.

“Tell mums that they can't accompany their dds into the changing rooms and then that's fine.”

I don’t need to. There’s a sign on the door saying parents aren’t allowed into the change room. Again, you’re the one who has seen hoards of 10 year old girls being assisted by their mothers, not me.

We all just hang out in the car park and gossip out the car windows, most of the time I don’t even enter the pool area.

nolongersurprised

Just as you are posting about your specific situation - in Australia with children who swim in the squad 5 days a week.

That isn't the situation we are discussing here.

There is a distinct lack of interest in campaigning for family changing I notice.

I don't see the point in arguing this. They aren't allowed in there and if you see one complain to the management. Simple

weetabix and at the public pool where my younger two swim 8 plus year old boys arent allowed in the female changing rooms. The difference is that not as many 8 plus year olds are still having these type of lessons but I do remember this happening when my oldest DD was changing when she was about 8. She had come to the lessons of the younger kids and had gone for a swim in the outside pool.

All of the mothers complained and he was made to leave. The pool manager was formidable . I was in there because my youngest daughter was only 2.

There is a distinct lack of interest in campaigning for family changing I notice.

There really needs to be.