Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

I do not use swimming pools with these set ups. No way am I sending my son into the men's changing room unaccompanied. Changing villages that are for everyone are much better.

Yes, so you keep saying.

Lots of children don't swim regularly here from a young age and not all children are accomplished at everything as soon as other children.

They don't all walk, talk, potty train, learn to read, write, add up at the same time and progress at the same rate and to the same level but suddenly they all have to be able to get changed, organised, negotiate lockers by 8 (well boys anyway)? Is that not a bit odd?

It's like you can't acknowledge this because then you might have to accept that something needs to change.

delilahbucket

I agree. They should all be changed to villages. Would make it much easier.

“It's like you can't acknowledge this because then you might have to accept that something needs to change.”

I agree. By 8 years the vast majority of children, additional needs excluded, should be encouraged to learn to take wet swimmers off, dry and get dressed without parents holding out their clothes or whatever.

Some may need a waiting parent to ensure about goggles, caps etc haven’t been left behind but infantilising capable children is how we end up with some posters thinking high school aged boys still need to change with their mums.

but infantilising capable children is how we end up with some posters thinking high school aged boys still need to change with their mums.

So what about the girls being infantiised then by having their mums doing those things until they are much older than 8?

My gym opens the pool to a swim club one night a week. I see this happen when I'm getting changed. The mums are washing the girls hair, packing bags, sorting clothes. These girls are easily 10 or 11.

No one bothered about them being infantilised? Mums could easily wait outside for their daughters couldn't they? For what reason are they needing to supervise so closely?

Absolutely not okay for an eight year old boy to come into the women’s changing rooms. I would complain to management. They can change in the men’s changing rooms. All the people on here saying it would be unsafe? So are you saying it wouldn’t be safe for a girl to change by herself in the women’s changing rooms? Not all men are predators.

“No one bothered about them being infantilised? Mums could easily wait outside for their daughters couldn't they? For what reason are they needing to supervise so closely?”

Don’t be disingenuous. The issue is :

• boys aren’t allowed in female changing rooms after 8
• some posters (you included) state it’s usual for boys to need help getting dressed, hence their need to be there
• others (me included) are stating the vast majority of 8 year old olds will be fine, if allowed to do this independently

You are then saying - “Well, some 10 year old girls get help from their parents as well!”

I'm sorry weetabix, but I find that really difficult to believe. Where do you live ish? I help at swim clubs, I coach, and I'm a judge at galas all over the country on many a Saturday night. The galas I attend are mostly for the 9-12 age group. In all my twenty years of doing this, I have never ever seen a parent helping a child in the changing room, male or female.

@wellhellothereall

She wouldn’t have to get changed in front of anyone in a cubicle....

some posters (you included) state it’s usual for boys to need help getting dressed, hence their need to be there

Not just boys, girls too.

arethereanyleftatall

I live in London. You can believe it or not. I wish it wasn't true because it drives me mad - the changing room is like Piccadilly Circus. These aren't galas, these are swimming lessons. The gym rents out part of the pool to a club who run swimming lessons.

Luckily the pool we have used recently has unisex changing rooms, miles easier for everyone, shit loads of cubicles. No communal changing area thank fuck. My almost 11 year old could actually pass for an 8 year old!

Assuming no special needs these children aged 10 don’t need help, irrespective of whether their parents are giving it to them. I’m not really sure what your point is.

Are you saying that because some parents faff around their perfectly capable 10 year olds that the age cut off should be changed to 10 years?

Ah, I see weetabix; swimming lessons, for some reason, appear to be a totally different culture with regards to changing as swim clubs. I posted about this a few times up thread.
In the swim clubs I know of (quite a few) a child (7+) of either sex, would be mortified if their parent was in the changing room with them. We all wait outside.
It's a good few years younger than the norm for swim lessons.
I think it's an interesting difference to debate. Just because a child is a stronger swimmer, why does that make them more capable of getting dressed, and at less of a risk than weaker swimmers?
My thoughts are - more familiar with environment, but also just the general expectation that your kid is capable.

To clarify: when my local pool has swimming lessons, access to the gym is suspended and only parents and children swimming are allowed in the facilities and changing rooms.

Generally, the girls go to the Ladies changing and the boys go to the men's changing rooms.
However, there are both mums and dads in the Men's changing rooms and girls and boys from about 5yrs to 11yrs old showering and changing.

I always go in before the start of swimming and check the room is free of men getting changed before leaving DS to it.

No. I'm saying there is a massive double standard.

Boys
Of course the can manage at 8. All children can manage. You are just infantilising.

Girls
It's fine for mums to help because they're there anyway, so what if they want to help their child while they are there. They could do it if they had to but why should they have to if we can help?

Now you are talking about 10 year olds. What relevance are 10 year olds? I am saying that even 10 year old girls at my pool are being helped by mums yet 8 yr old boys are expected to have mastered what 10yr old girls can't.

Actually is that what you are all saying? That boys are mire advanced, more independent than girls?

Generally, the girls go to the Ladies changing and the boys go to the men's changing rooms.
However, there are both mums and dads in the Men's changing rooms

It isn't right for mums to be in the mens changing rooms.

Are dads in the girls changing room?

“My thoughts are - more familiar with environment, but also just the general expectation that your kid is capable.”

And if they’re in a squad they’ll be swimming 2-3 km a session so there’s the expectation tht they are physically able to push through some discomfort and also follow instructions, ie more than physically and mentally capable of drying themselves. Plus there’s the whole fins off and on stuff, my children would die if I rushed up to help them during training.

On the other hand though, my 10 year old plays other sports which she’s not as used to and hasn’t been doing since she could walk, I don’t help her get changed for those sports either.

weetabix you are trying to tell me I’m invoking a double standard but I’m not. I don’t think girls aged 8 plus should be helped by their parents either. Please show me where I’ve said that.

I’m talking about 10 year olds because you mentioned 10 year olds. Personally I think a 10 year old being helped with dressing is nuts and I’m fairly sure I’ve made that clear.

nolongersurprised

Why are you constantly referring to squads and swimming 2-3 km?

We aren't talking about that. We are talking about kids doing a 30 min lesson once a week. Lots don't even start swimming until they go at school which is what 8 or 9?

These kids might have never been to a pool before at age 9.

We aren't talking about the next Olympic champion.

Indeed @nolongersurprised

I think our coach would be 'wtaf?' If some of the 8yo sons on this thread did a trial at our club and then attempted to go in to the female changing rooms to their mums. I'm actually laughing at the thought. It would be farcical, and actually, would not be allowed.

The expectations of what kids are capable of is just so much higher.

weetabix I was responding to arethereany who speculated that children who are considered more capable may generally enabled more autonomy.

I agree.

This kind of is what we've moved on to be discussing in the last half hour or so weetabix.

Why is an 8 yo potential Olympic champion capable of getting themselves dressed in the correct changing room, when an 8yo in stage 2 doggy paddle is not?

nolongersurprised

The tone of the thread is one of double standards.

It's saying all children should be able to do this by age 8. But of course girls can take their mums in to help them but they could totally do it if they had to but as their mums are there, well they might as well help.

Then we get mums of daughters outraged by boys in the ladies changing rooms because girls have a right to privacy in their changing room while a mum of a boy is posting that she, and other mums, go in the boys changing room. So where is the boy's rights to privacy? Yet barely any posters are saying that is wrong.

Those are the double standards.

We need all changing villages and then there is no issue.

“It's saying all children should be able to do this by age 8. But of course girls can take their mums in to help them but they could totally do it if they had to but as their mums are there, well they might as well help.”

Please show me where I’ve said this. You keep crediting me with this bit it’s not true.

Weetabix, the one poster who said she goes in the men's has already been back on to clarify that you misunderstood, and the other poster had it right, the changing rooms are suspended to other adults for the duration.