Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

t1mum3

Well apparently it does but that's your problem because they have a right to be there and if you don't like it you have to leave - or so I've been told.

Raised to 11? For goodness sake it gets worst. A friend of my DD was attacked in a changing room by two 11 year old boys in her class. Tried to strip her costume off. Would have succeeded if her friend hadn’t rushed out for help. The incidences of sexual assaults of school girls by school boys is quite high in the U.K.

Girls aren’t really important are they. Off course boys should be safe but if there isn’t safe facilities find somewhere that is or don’t take them swimming. Girls shouldn’t have to stop swimming because they aren’t comfortable in a space which is actually theirs.

does that mean my space is being violated?

No, because it isn't your (singular) space. It is your (plural) space. The girl and you have EQUAL rights to be there. Her behaviour might be affecting your comfort and privacy and you can deal with that appropriately.

I am made to feel uncomfortable every time I go swimming by girls who stare at my scares. I am in the right place.

Apparently though my only choice is to not go.

^^arethereanyleftatall

Nolongersurprised.
Ironically, at our swim club, 90% of the kids (7+) do indeed get out of the pool, straight in to their respective sex changing room, straight in to their Toweliing onesies and uggs and straight in to the car. Two minutes tops from last length.
I'm not sure why, but there's for more mollycoddling when the children are less able swimmers and still in the stages lessons.^^

There's probably a link in the children finding it harder to learn to swim to finding it harder to coordinate themselves and their belongings and need supervision longer than their peers.

I dread to think how many lessons, mainly group, but also extra boster and private to nudge him up after getting stuck on each stage that DS has had over the last 4 years since starting foundation, and he's still struggling to swim 10m competently. (Partway through stage 3) He also still gets tangled up in clothes and needs reminding that towels work when you rub them on his body, (plus flushing toilets and cleaning up after himself )

I try hard not to mollycoddle (I'd love an independent child!), but he does need more supervision in that department than most, and my main concern with changing facilities is being able to supervise and an 8th birthday hasn't had any effect on his coordination or organisational skills.

Weetabix But this is an issue that affects girls - as well as boys. Boys are at risk in one scenario and girls are having their needs denied in the other. So yes, I agree with you - the common denominator is our children children. I am so sick of hearing the sexes pitted against one another. It's in everyone's interests to demand change. But it's the women who are left fighting for change. We need men to fight equally hard.

Girls shouldn’t have to stop swimming because they aren’t comfortable in a space which is actually theirs.

And the same applies to boys.

And the same applies to boys

But the female changing rooms are not for boys over the age of 8. The issue of why they’re not comfortable in their own space should be the one being addressed.

And the same applies to boys.

Absolutely. And at 8+ the space which belongs to them is the male changing rooms. If they are uncomfortable or unsafe in there then something absolutely should be done to make their space safe and comfortable.

But them budging over in to the female changing room shouldn't be considered an option.

This whole situation reminds me of people who park in the blue badge parking spaces. The blue badge parking spaces are provided for the use of blue badge holders. If there isn't enough parent and child or regular parking spaces the solution should never be parking in the blue badge space.

I wonder why the boys aren't getting changed in the male changing rooms?

My DS attends a small hotel pool for lessons and their rule is that other pool/gym users must leave the changing facilities no later than 15 minutes before kids swimming lessons start.
I'm a mum and I've been taking my 9 yr DS into the boys changing rooms since he was 6 yrs old and if I encounter a man getting changed, I remind him that he should have been out of there by 4.15 or whatever time.

Unless there are extra needs your 9year old is capable of getting changed in his respective changing room. Why are you going in the changing room with him?

On the flip side, I don’t think many men/teenager boys would be comfortable changing in front of an 11 year old girl. Not in a sexual way but in an embarrassed for himself/the child way. Because obviously if you’re wanting to change the age limit to 11 it works both ways.

@AnotherPidgey
Im sure you're right re the coordination. But I also think it's a mindset, and just doing what everybody else does.
At our swim pools swim lessons, the norm is for mums to go in the changing rooms with their dcs right up to about 10 yo.
At the same pools swim club, the norm is for parents to sit outside the changing rooms and wait from 7yo.
And, ironically, it's only the swim club who swim at the same time as the public, not the other way around.

I'm a mum and I've been taking my 9 yr DS into the boys changing rooms since he was 6 yrs old*

So boys can't go in the girls changing room because that is their safe space.

Apparently boys safe space is the mens changing room - except it isn't because adult women are in there?????

Sorry. Who is entitled now?

My little boy is 6. I can't imagine I will be happy to send him alone into a room of naked men in a couple of years. We don't have many pools to choose from so I suppose he just shouldn't swim?

HalfBloodPrincess

Well, the boys at sewingbeezer pool have to get changed in front of a grown woman so their embarrassment is just tough cheese isn't it?

weetabixandshreddies I don’t agree with that at all. Facilities should be kept sex segregated. I’d be just as outraged with a woman in the men’s as a man in the women’s.

greathat whether you’re happy with it or not it’s what you’re going to have to do as he’s not to go into the female changing rooms after the age of 8.

weetabix, their embarrassment does matter (of course). I wouldn't think it acceptable for a dad to take their 8yo daughter in to the male changing room either.

It sounds like in the place sewing is talking about the changing rooms are effective re-designated as "boys plus parents" and "girls plus parents" for the times around swimming lessons rather than being male/female split. I imagine a number of girls and boys would be uncomfortable changing with opposite sex parents around, but as that is the rules of the place they are in they either cope or find an alternative solution. Which is exactly what lots of posters are saying mums with boys over 8 should do when the rules of their gym/leisure centre don't suit them. Just ignoring the rules and thinking "everyone else can put up or shut up" is out of line in either case.

My son is almost 11 and I would feel uncomfortable him going in the men’s changing rooms alone.... just as I won’t allow him in men’s toilets alone. I don’t see the problem if they are using cubicles. To be honest I find those women who parade around naked a bit odd

But you were fine with boys having to get changed in front of grown women when it was in the ladies changing weren't you? Didn't give a toss about their possible embarrassment then. I give up Weetabix your posts give me a headache and I don't think you're half as clever as you think you are.

Birdie

I will tell you the problem - my pubescent 11 year old daughter doesn't want to get changed in front of an 11 year old boy particularly one who is at her school. I can't believe you can't see that

Waspnest

No I'm not fine it actually. I think pools should provide family changing so that children over 8 who can't manage can still swim.

I'm angry at the ugly attitude being displayed by the posters lucky enough to be the same sex as their children.

Now their is a poster saying that she goes into the mens changing room and none of the "girls are entitled to a safe space" posters are calling her out on it.

And if the pool lets opposite sex parents in the changing rooms then we are all ok with dads being in with the girls while they are changing? Because that's the rules?

This place is just nuts.

My DS1 now 9 was diagnosed with VPD 2 years ago. Poor co-ordination , slow at dressing and undressing, disorganised with belongings. I booted him into the men's changing room a few months before his 8th birthday so that he'd be pushed into independence and looking after his belongings and getting changed and unchanged with no help. They start school swimming in year 3 so I knew he had to have this nailed. This overrode any other fears I had.

I personally wouldn’t be happy for my 11 year old son to get changed on his own in the men’s changing rooms. He is gaining independence by walking home from school on his own, being left alone at home for an hour or so but the men’s changing rooms at a public swimming pool are too risky I think. He only looks about 8 or 9 and would be extremely vulnerable.