Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

Mini - if there's a lesson there will be other boys the same age there.

11 year olds are at secondary school. It's a ridiculously high limit imo.

peng because when you mentioned up to 11 year olds I assumed that was 8-11 inclusive. I doubt you could find more than a handful of 11 year old boys who still wanted to change with their mums, in the female changing room.

But why is it up to girls to give up their safety? how on earth is a 8 or 9 year old boy making a girl unsafe? The girls safety isn't at risk, their feelings are but not their safety.

What I was trying to say earlier, that if men's changing rooms are such an unsafe places for older boys then shouldn't society and indeed more directly, the health clubs, do something about this risk, not just keep accommodating creepy men by making women move over in their spaces?

nolongersurprised I later said I felt that 11 and over should be the rule. I'm sorry, I wont be going around surveying children's opinions on this subject, but you go ahead if that's what you want to do.

Clue is in the name ‘safe space’

My ds was nearly 6ft by the time he was 11 - I’m sure he could have made a grown woman feel unsafe let alone a young girl.

@floribunda18 my first post on this thread was to suggest they have an attendant in the men’s changing rooms - I don’t know why they don’t tbh

Equally you have no idea if the boy has been through trauma either.

I agree HalfBlood.

But why is it up to girls to give up their safety?

What's the risk to a girl's safety in an 8yo, not yet pubescent, child being accompanied by his mum into a women's changing room? There is an actual risk of a boy entering a male changing area, alone.

11 and over should be the rule

Why? If your argument is that boys aren't safe in the men's changing rooms then that doesn't change at 11. Most 11yo boys are still far smaller than adult men. And 11 seems like a pretty random cut off.

8yo at least has some reasoning is because the normal range for starting puberty is between 8 and 14 yo.

peng

But this just exemplifies your dismissive attitude to the changing issue.
Girls who are at pubertal age don’t want to change with boys.
Boys at the same age therefore can’t change with girls but you are lamenting their lack of a safe space and of equality
You feel that boys should be able to entire female spaces till high school (11 years)
You don’t have any actual idea about whether boys aged 8-11 years would accept this as an option
You have no ideas about alternative ways to change boys
It’s less important to ascertain whether a 10/11 year old boy would choose to change in the girls’ changing rooms than ensuring he has access to this space just in case

11 because its right before teenagehood

There is an actual risk of a boy entering a male changing area, alone

But why is there a risk? Why just accept that there is a risk? It should be a safe space for boys.

When my son turned 8 I told him he needed to get ready in the men's. He was also mortified seeing all the naked ladies and would always get ready in the cubicle.
There is another boy in his class who is 9 now and going to be 10 this year who always still gets ready in the females.
I think it's really helped my sons confidence to get ready himself.
He also does swimming at school now and the getting ready on his own had really helped him manage his school lessons.

It is an equality issue. The fact is that most sahp are women and for some reason pools structure lessons late afternoon/early evening so by default the most likely parent to be taking children swimming will be female.

The answer is for mums of girls to join with mums of boys in asking for suitable space.

Why is the answer for some women to just insist that because it doesn't affect negatively their child that it is of no concern to them and that they safety of all children isn't their problem?

my first post on this thread was to suggest they have an attendant in the men’s changing rooms

Good idea. But until we solve the problem of male violence and sexual violence then there's still a risk isn't there? That's the crux of the matter. But an attendant might help reduce the risk.

11 because its right before teenagehood

So teenagers are safe in men's changing rooms? What about 12yo?

Male violence is an undeniable threat to society. But forcing pubertal girls to change with similar aged boys isn’t addressing this.

I don't disagree floribunda. At all. But there is a risk nonetheless and that needs addressing while we work on reducing male violence.

I suppose the upshot here is that mums of daughters can't expect any support from mums of sons when they want changes made that help girls can they?

I don't know where that leaves mums of both then weetabix

If I don't like the way a young girl looks at me in a changing room (I'm an adult female) does that mean my space is being violated?

I am a mum of both.

Mine are grown up now but I think the least that all mums could do is understand that there is a need for some children that isn't being met and that the very least support the demand for change.

If this was an issue that affected girls I think these mums would expect everyone to join in the fight for change. Because it's boys they just don't want to know.

And I'm not insisting boys go in the ladies. I'm saying why can't all mothers recognise a need and demand it?