Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

Do boys just miss out on swimming lessons?

It depends what age boys are safe to change in the men's. If 10 years old is ok and there is no adjustment that can be made then the boy can't have lessons when he's age 8 and 9 but can resume at age 10. If boys are never safe then they need to learn to swim by age 8.

I would have died of embarrassment at 9 years old if I had had to go into the males changing room with my dad. I remember hating it when I was much younger than that. Thank god he let me in the ladies on my own.

A females right to privacy, dignity and feeling comfortable in a space that is designated to them is what is important.

Excellent. So I can safely tell the girls that stare at me to leave and change elsewhere because my right to privacy, dignity and feeling comfortable in a space that is designated to them is what is important.

Weetabixandshreddies you’re being deliberately obtuse.

By your reckoning people should be separated by ‘men’ and ‘everyone else’?

Why do you think things are segregated by sex? I’m genuinely interested.

Weetabix - many kids won't leave just because you told them to and you'll be delighted to know that my dd is 15 and doesn't stare in communal changing areas. She stopped staring well before age 8.

Unless you are a little boy and then your safety is at the expense of other's dignity?

I am finding your posts disingenuous and deliberately manipulative. It’s the kind of language TRA’s who want access to female spaces use: we’re unsafe, you have to move over so we can be safe & to hell with your feelings.

I want boys to be safe AS WELL.

The solution is family changing facilities. What are you not getting about that?

Excellent. So I can safely tell the girls that stare at me to leave and change elsewhere because my right to privacy, dignity and feeling comfortable in a space that is designated to them is what is important.

No because it’s their space too. But you’re more than welcome to leave yourself

“I'm in the UK. It's -1 today. Still ok to bundle your child out in their swimming trunks with a towel in the car?”

I would in preference to telling him to change with the girls. Big warm jersey or fleece, towel, shoes and socks, heater on in the car and a quick change under the towel in the back seat.

If you feel strongly (as I do) that 9 year old boys shouldn’t be in female spaces then a bit of minor discomfort (to paraphrase peng) isn’t a deal breaker when it comes to the activity.

So I can safely tell the girls that stare at me to leave and change elsewhere

No. They’re female and have as much right to be there as you. You can deal with it by alerting the parent, or telling the child to stop. Because you are an adult and female.

My local leisure centre does not have changing rooms separated by sex. Instead they have cubicles with locking doors. I think everywhere should be the same.

HalfBloodPrincess- “There’s a choice. You either use the facility for your sex or go somewhere with unisex changing. You do not encroach on female only spaces.”

Yes, this is what I was trying to say earlier. Boys right to go swimming does not trump women and girls rights to a female only changing area. I really cannot understand why people are getting this.

Put it this way, as a child (after the incident mentioned above), I point blank refused to go swimming at centres where boys were likely to be in the female changing room. My mother would have had to drag me screaming and kicking and forceably changed my clothes.

My DD will not take her daughter to certain centres that allow boys over 8 in the same changing room. My GD would be really upset if she was made to do so and would most of her friends. Most of my DDs friends feel the same way.

So I ask you, is it fair for girls that they cannot go swimming at certain centres because boys are likely to be in the female changing room? Should they just they budge up, ignore their boundaries or not go swimming? Does a boys right to go swimming trump a girls right to go swimming?

Instead they have cubicles with locking doors.

What a great solution!

goldengummybear

Don't worry. I shall make them leave because my feelings matter.

And maybe your dd doesn't stare but many many do. I should imagine their parents would deny it too.

HalfBloodPrincess

I don't have the issue with segregation. I have the issue with I don't have a son and therefore I don't care, that's just his tough luck. That's what I don't like.

I will look out for any children and help if they need it. I would never turn a blind eye because they weren't mine.

Aren’t getting this

It’s odd how some posters here can’t move past the concept that the only way boys 8 plus (until aged ???) can be safe is to go into a female only space. And if anyone suggests that another option needs to be found for these boys then those posters don’t care about boys’ safety and don’t want them to swim.

I think what is bothering me so about this is that once you have an age (say 8) you will be looking askance at any boy who seems to be 8+
As the owner of a son who would have easily been mistaken for 8 when 6 (but had the sense and needs of a 6 year old not an 8 year old) I do worry about the dirty looks I would have got.
Round here you can swim without an adult at 8 but I don’t know any parents who sent their dc at that age alone, 10 more common.

Oxytocindeficient

I think you will find that it's my right to privacy and dignity in that space. Anyone violating that needs to leave. I shall be insisting on it. And I shouldn't have to tell a child not to stare - it is not nice to be always on the receiving end of stares.

I have 2 sons and a daughter. I’ve posted lots about them before, AS me if you want.

My older son (14) has not or would not be using a female only space over the age of 8 at the detriment of anyone.

younger son is 18 months so moot point.

My god! Children in the women's changing rooms.

Christ! Clearly you're all in imminent, immediate danger.

Those children may see you naked!

Best log it with 101 to be safe. And call SS, they may want to know too, for "safeguarding" and all that.

And you'll definitely need counselling.

I mean 8 year old boys, even 11 year old ones just can't be trusted!

Your female children need protecting from the other male children.

Please never go to France, you'll have a coronary if you ever use a swimming pool over there.

Yes. Report those children immediately.

Save the children!

Report the children!

Please, won't somebody think of the children!

Confusedfornow

🙄 not a constructive contribution at all.

Nobody would ever go for it, but it's interesting that it is never suggested that men lose out in some way.

The issues are;

1. Male children aren't safe around men

2. Women and girls lose privacy/dignity changing in front of male children.

So hierarchy of privilege, as ever, Adult males>Male children>Females.

Why not say men over 16 or 18 have to have a separate adult facility and if there isn't one they can changed in loos/before they arrive under their clothes/ just not go.

All these solutions are suggested for uncomfortable male and female children and women. Never for men, who are causing the problem.

Weetabixandshreddies

Like I said, your contributions are disingenuous and manipulative so I see no point in addressing your posts further.

Oxy

Was it something I said?

Just pointing out the insanity of it all. Are we now afraid of children?

Really!

“I don't have the issue with segregation. I have the issue with I don't have a son and therefore I don't care, that's just his tough luck. That's what I don't like.”

I have a son and I still don’t think he should be changing in female changing rooms past 8. I’d impose minor discomfort on him (leaving in a towel) or social embarrassment (making sure he changed with friends) and would never tell him to change in the female changing room. It’s possinle to have sons, care about the well being and safeguarding of boys AND still don’t think they belong in female spaces.

I doubt he’d want to enter a female space at that age though

the only way boys 8 plus (until aged ???) can be safe is to go into a female only space

What?? NO.