Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

The girl has every right to be in the female changing rooms.

Yes exactly, it’s laughable how someone else is tying to frame the conversation. It’s the female changing room, so a girl has as much right to be there as a woman.

I'm alright actually, but thanks for the concern

I'm glad and you're welcome .

I forgot that disagreeing with opinions isn't allowed anymore. Silly me

You know fine well that's not what I'm talking about.

And you have been getting worked up and angry all over the thread

Not angry actually, just tired of seeing the double standard on Mumsnet all the time and parents not caring about safeguarding. I read a thread awhile ago at mums freaking out because a man who identified as a woman was allowed to volunteer for girl scouts. that was accepted and nobody was being blamed for making assumptions, but for some reason pointing out potential risk to a little boy in an all men's changing room is wrong?

Let’s think of other ways an 8 year old boy could manage a swimming lesson without going into female spaces

What a great suggestion! Funny how the default position is always: get the girls/women to make allowances for men’s behaviour.

Weetabix- You'd be welcome to complain. Assuming the staff brought her to me in costume and towel (I'd be outside the changing rooms presumably) I'd be leaving with her like that and supervising her in future. It's important for her to learn how to behave when I'm not there and staring is totally unacceptable. You have every right to expect to change in peace.

for some reason pointing out potential risk to a little boy in an all men's changing room is wrong?

Everybody agrees there is a risk.

There aren't cubicles only an open changing room.

So is there a hierarchy of right to privacy then?

So girls can stare and make other girls feel uncomfortable but that is ok because they are girls? Bit double standards isn't it?

parents not caring about safeguarding

You love to misrepresent what’s being said don’t you? Cos nobody at all on this thread, sounds to me like they don’t care. It’s the opposite. The solution to basic safeguarding isn’t: put all the vulnerable people regardless of sex, in with women and girls. People are trying to discuss solutions which respect female spaces as female. Safeguarding doesn’t come after that, it also doesn’t come before that in a female space. Both things can be achieved if they provided family changing facilities. The problem is with the design of these changing rooms, not with women and girls setting boundaries.

Nobody should stare. Any child doing so should be spoken to by their parent, or the person they’re staring at. I’ve told a child to stop staring at me before, it’s important they’re educated about people’s boundaries and right to privacy. Clearly staring is worse for most people if it’s a member of the opposite sex. That’s part of why we have sex separated spaces.

goldengummybear

And if she was there with her dad who is in the mens changing ie no parent waiting outside? I'm to run around the centre looking for a member of staff?

I'm glad we're agreed that I don't have to put up with it. Also I now see children's safety comes below my feelings. From now on I shall just tell any staring children to leave. They'll have to sort their own safety won't they?

The other suggestions aren't always feasible? honestly, I've already said what about people who don't have access to appropriate changing facilities? Or may not have a car or money to travel further away? Its also a lot colder here than Aus to be out in the cold. Sometimes there may only be one option and then what? Do boys just miss out on swimming lessons?

Then there is the other notion of kids with SN who may need assistance changing. Of course in that case they should use a private cubical but what if it isn't available or on the way they have to pass young girls getting changed?

There is no way I'd let an 8 year boy in a men's changing room on his own. If my DH takes my dd swimming, there's no way he'd let her go in the women's changing room on her own either at the age of 8. It's too young.

My local leisure centre has family changing rooms which is all cubicles and that works perfectly. No kids left on their own.

It’s really not about the staring at all.
If you blindfolded all boys over the age of 8 they still shouldn’t be allowed to get changed in a female only space. You’re deliberately missing the whole point.

nolongersurprised

I'm in the UK. It's -1 today. Still ok to bundle your child out in their swimming trunks with a towel in the car?

Do boys just miss out on swimming lessons?

Yes.

Weetabix - if she was with her Dad, he'd do the same but probably wouldn't take her for a while if there wasn't a female chaperone.

It's not unsafe to go to the car in a swimming costume and wrapped in a towel. Most kids wouldn't leave a changing room just because you'd told them to. I assume that you'd get staff involved because in my experience lots of people go beserk if you initiate conversation with a child you don't know. (Stranger Danger and all that)

HalfBloodPrincess

Half the thread has been about feeling uncomfortable because of staring!

Clearly staring is more important than safety. I shall bear that in mind.

Do boys just miss out on swimming lessons?

That isn’t ideal, but the solution isn’t breaking rules or changing with females. That’s not an option. If all other options have been explored, then yeah they’ll miss out. You do realise a lot of children don’t learn to swim in the UK until they’re much older? I have adult friends who don’t know how. It is quite privileged to be able to swim here in the first place. Coming from NZ it blows my mind as it’s a basic life skill there. My opinion is that everyone should learn from a young age and that appropriate family changing facilities should always be available. It does suck when things aren’t the way you want them.

peng

So in your scenario : 9 year old boy can’t change in men’s changing rooms, can’t travel to a pool where there are unisex changing rooms, can’t change in the car because there is no car and he would get cold. Is that right?

How does he get to lessons without a car? Public transport?

Why can’t he put swimmers under clothes before swimming, change in male changing rooms afterwards with another boy in his group with you specifically making sure they go off to get changed together?

Peng- the SN argument is a strong one. I know that there's rarely adequate facilities and if they are located so you have to go through the women's then that's obviously unavoidable so acceptable.

Clearly staring is more important than safety.

Privacy and dignity are important. Safety is important. One should not be at the expense of another.

goldengummybear

I'm not going out half undressed to find staff. My dignity is more important. Any child I catch staring will be told to leave and of course a parent won't get upset because everyone agrees that feelings matter more than safety or stranger danger.

It is writ large on here.

Clearly staring is more important than safety. I shall bear that in mind.

A females right to privacy, dignity and feeling comfortable in a space that is designated to them is what is important.

Privacy and dignity are important. Safety is important. One should not be at the expense of another.
Unless you are a little boy and then your safety is at the expense of other's dignity?