Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

The rules should apply to everyone. They are there for a reason. And yes, the needs of girls are absolutely more important here because this is THEIR space. It is unacceptable to teach girls that they must be silent when their boundaries are violated and that, even though provision has specifically been made for them, they have to slink off to a cubicle or if none is available they can't access the service at all because older boys using THEIR space take priority.

This. See clearly how the comment above repeatedly refers to the fact it is a FEMALE SPACE. Yet any suggestion by anyone on this thread that it should be prioritised as a female space, is met with the most hysterical replies: ‘ you’re painting my son as a predator!’ For gods sake! Your sons are MALE. There has to be a cut-off, for the dignity and comfort of everyone using the facilities. Your sons are NOT the priority in female spaces.

Obviously the solution is more appropriate family changing rooms. If they do not exist, campaign for them or use a place that provides them.

Oh and as for the ‘ they’re just boys not predators’ remarks, actually you might want to look at the horrific stats of rape and sexual assault IN SCHOOLS in this country. I’m so sorry to all the Mums who can’t handle the cold hard facts about the problems we have with male entitlement and predatory behaviours, but your feelings aren’t more important than the safety of everyone else. No, not all men or boys are like that, but some are and many girls, and grown women, have been victims of their behaviour and deserve spaces away from male bodies. Boys need their safety too, but while we are talking about FEMALE spaces, we should all be able to prioritise females first, without having mothers of sons pile on with cries of, not my son & ‘you’re demonising men/boys’. No, we are not. They’re doing that themselves and their Mums are trying to make women and girls feel bad for setting personal boundaries as a response.

God my friend went into the men’s to help her ds - the men in there went mental and she got properly told off by staff.

I never made an assumption, you did

You have made several assumptions all over the thread.

You really need to chill the fuck out and stop twisting peoples words around to suit your own agenda.

“And at some point people need to realise there will always be some form of discomfort”.

Yes! I agree. So it’s ok for an 8 plus year old boy to wrap a towel around himself or get changed at home or whatever to ensure that he doesn’t encroach in female-only spaces.

How is it ok for a child to be put at risk because it makes another child more comfortable?

Those aren't the only two options.

Totally agree with oxytocin. I remember from primary school quite young boys being quite sexual and interested from 8 ish onwards and that was 30years ago

How would you decide the age when boys aren't at risk in the men's?

You are quite right that there is literally no age at which one is safe from a sexual assault. Separate changing isn't so much about safety though - men aren't separated because they are all dangerous and women are all safe, or that after a certain age boys are no longer at risk. The separation is largely due to the privacy and dignity of both sexes. The age 8 is (I believe) due to the fact that puberty normally starts between 8 and 14.

But the establishment, having done their risk assessments and safe guarding meetings, have decided that 8yo is the cut off. It is up to them to make their policies having considered the needs of all their customers.
If you don't like it, you don't get to make up your own rules; that's the very definition of entitlement.

Weetabix - if my dd was staring at you, you'd be welcome to ask her not to. Lots of parents get angry and defensive when strangers talk to their child but I have other children and no eyes in the back of her head so I accept that I may miss some bad behaviour.

My dd is female so belongs in the ladies rather than corridor but for your dignity I'd be telling her off and moving her well away so you can change in peace. You shouldn't have to endure staring.

Yes! I agree. So it’s ok for an 8 plus year old boy to wrap a towel around himself or get changed at home or whatever to ensure that he doesn’t encroach in female-only spaces.

That's brilliant! 😂

So it’s ok for an 8 plus year old boy to wrap a towel around himself or get changed at home or whatever to ensure that he doesn’t encroach in female-only spaces.

It is up to the parents of the boy to decide if the towel option is better than either no swimming or swimming somewhere else. Encroaching on female-only changing should NEVER even be considered an option.

“And at some point people need to realise there will always be some form of discomfort”.

In the women's, the last people who should feel discomfort is women. In the men's it's the opposite way round.

The separation is largely due to the privacy and dignity of both sexes.

Precisely.

MsTSwift

How dare your friend. Talk about female entitlement.

Plants You really need to chill the fuck out and stop twisting peoples words around to suit your own agenda. I think you really should calm down, just because somebody doesn't agree with you no need to get worked up.

angela my reply was to peng who was saying that girls should put up with some form of discomfort..

You have made several assumptions all over the thread. I really havn't. I suggested that a boy going alone into a men's changing area poses a risk as it does. How is that wrong to say? I didn't say "all men" or make a comment about "all" anyone.

Sorry, Nolonger, I misinterpreted your tone and thought you were being sarcastic.

See clearly how the comment above repeatedly refers to the fact it is a FEMALE SPACE.

Exactly. In a female space the needs of females do come first.

And if a male in that female space is negatively impacting on any of the girls and women in anyway then it's up to the male in question to sort it.

goldengummybear

And if you aren't there to move her away?

My right to dignity and privacy trumps everything else so your dd would have to leave. If that means she changed in the corridor well too bad huh?

So it’s ok for an 8 plus year old boy to wrap a towel around himself or get changed at home or whatever to ensure that he doesn’t encroach in female-only spaces.

I think that there are more 8+ year old boys allowed to use the men's than not. If the boy can't get changed in the men's because of "risk" or inability to do so then his mum should be coming up with an alternative. He's ONE boy and there's multiple women in the women's. I couldn't care less if he looked at me but I support the right of people to be uncomfortable by his presence. I'd imagine it is pretty humiliating to be a 9 year old girl and another 9 year old in your class sees you totally naked. My son wanted privacy by 7 years old and I suspect that others feel the same around that age.

I suggested that a boy going alone into a men's changing area poses a risk as it does.

Firstly, yes that's an assumption.

Second of all, that wasn't the comment I was referring to.

And you have been getting worked up and angry all over the thread. So yes you do need to chill a bit.

My right to dignity and privacy trumps everything else so your dd would have to leave. If that means she changed in the corridor well too bad huh?

Nope. You could go into a cubicle if you want the privacy. The girl has every right to be in the female changing rooms.

So yes you do need to chill a bit. I'm alright actually, but thanks for the concern :) I forgot that disagreeing with opinions isn't allowed anymore. Silly me

It’s ok, angela I can see how it looks like that out of context!

peng

Every time someone suggests that boys aged 8 plus arent wanted by similarly aged girls in their space you shout SAFEGUARDING (in caps).

Why don’t we all brainstorm? Let’s think of other ways an 8 year old boy could manage a swimming lesson without going into female spaces.

I’ll start :
I’m in Australia so it’s hot but I’d wrap in a towel and bundle into the car. I’d explain to him that he’s too old to change with girls.