Over 8s in the changing rooms

[HenweeArcher]

I’ve started swimming just before swimming lessons at my gym recently as it fits in well with the crèche being quiet. I’ve noticed that no matter what day I swim, I can always count at least 2 or 3 boys who are almost undoubtedly over 8 (which is the rule) in the female changing rooms just before lessons. Sometimes they use the separate cubicles (there are a couple in the corners) to change themselves so are more than capable of changing alone! I’m aware that some boys might need extra support for whatever reason but I fail to believe that a handful every day at a small health club do.

AIBU to mention it to management? It doesn’t necessarily affect me a great deal as I’m fairly relaxed about nudity and don’t see it as my responsibility to all of a sudden start changing under a towel or anything but I do feel it’s unfair for younger girls to be put in this position.

Does that mean their child doesn't get to go swimming because of it?

Yes, unless the parent takes their child to use facilities that fit their choice. Petition the leisure centre, change your child poolside, whatever you want, but you don't get to bring your child into no over 8s opposite sex changing. Going swimming is a choice.

halfblood

Ffs it’s not about the sexual risk. It’s about teaching girls that their right to feel comfortable and to privacy is valid. And teaching boys that they do not get to stomp all over that right.

It IS about sexual risk. they are CHILDREN FFS! Stop making this a feminist issue. So by safeguarding an 8 year old boy we are teaching girls they aren't important? Stop projecting adult issues onto children. No 8 year old boy is going to "stomp all over women's right". Boys should feel safe too!

And it’s disingenuous to keep going back to the argument that a 9 year old boy isn’t a sexual predator.

Of course he’s not, but many 9 year old girls don’t want him in their space.

PurpleCrazyHorse So only girls are allowed the privilege of going swimming because society is currently not thinking about the risk to young boys? That's unfair. This SHOULD NOT be a girls V boys thing. this is about safeguarding. For a forum full of parents I don't understand why this is so hard for people to grasp.

“It IS about sexual risk. they are CHILDREN FFS! Stop making this a feminist issue. So by safeguarding an 8 year old boy we are teaching girls they aren't important? Stop projecting adult issues onto children. No 8 year old boy is going to "stomp all over women's right". Boys should feel safe too!”

No-one is projecting adult issues onto children, people are pointing out that girl children have a right to their own changing spaces.

Of course he’s not, but many 9 year old girls don’t want him in their space. I'm sure those 9 year old girls wouldn't be happy if they got told that CHILDREN their own age are at risk of being molested. but that's ok because the parents of the girls don't care about safegaurding

No 8 year old boy is going to "stomp all over women's right"

Not when they’re 8. But 8 year old boys grow up into men.

No-one is projecting adult issues onto children, people are pointing out that girl children have a right to their own changing spaces.

Yes, and young boys and their mothers have a right not to put their children at risk. One option is about emotional comfort the other is about real life, serious risk. Regardless of gender the risk should ALWAYS outweigh the comfort.

HalfBloodPrincess that is irrelevant, right now they are children.

And yes halfblood is projecting adult issues about sexism onto children. She has just said 8 year old boys grow up to be sexist men.

peng

“Ok, DS, now that you are 8 you aren’t allowed to use the girls’ changing rooms anymore. Girls your age want to be able to get changed without boys there, I’m sure you feel the same way. Just wrap your towel around you afterwards and you can have a shower at home”.

Or,

“DS, I can’t go into the men’s changing rooms so after swimming can you go with Nate, Ryan and Kai and make sure you remember your swimmers and cap. I’ll be out here when you’re done”.

Not when they’re 8. But 8 year old boys grow up into men. oh do get a grip. We are now onto generalising all little boys? Good god.

nolongersurprised if the boy has friends or siblings or older male relatives that you second paragraph is great, but that isn't really an option for everyone? Its not helpful giving solutions that only suit a few people...

And your solution is to have your 8 plus year old boy change with girls, knowing that those whose bodies are changing or who are of a similar age don’t want him there.My solution - which is theoretical because over 8 year olds aren’t allowed in the female change rooms - would not be one that would encroach on female spaces. I would say that girls might not feel comfortable with a boy in their changing room and if there was a reason the men’s was unsafe he could change at home, afterwards

The boy probably doesn't want girls looking at him either.
I think a girl can see an 8 or 9 year old boy miss a child. Both may feel uncomfortable.
If you expect a little bit to be taken home wet and half naked you are being ridiculous.

Having read comments on here I think society has become sick with paranoia.

It’s about learned behaviour. Teaching young boys that the rules don’t apply to them. How is that projecting?

If a leisure centre does not have the facilities you require then find another one. To take my son swimming we have a 80 minute drive and have to pay £50 to hire the pool for a 40 minute swim.
I don't think it is that difficult to take an NT child a bit further away for a few years if you don't want to do alternatives like them wear a onesie on the way home.

Is a child not miss. ..and Little boy,....not little bit.

It’s about learned behaviour. Teaching young boys that the rules don’t apply to them. How is that projecting? FFS you aren't teaching them rules don't apply to them, you are teaching them that a situation isn't safe so this is the only option!

Sleepyblueocean speaking from a place of privilege there, how lovely for you that you can afford a car £50 for a 40 minute swim.

I can see both sides of the theoretical debate and it is a tough one.

In my specific example there are probably 30 kids doing lessons at any one time, so certainly will be parents and children in both the male and female locker rooms although there will also be adults using other facilities present too. There is almost always a member of staff (cleaning) in both changing rooms as this is a peak time and the floors need mopping frequently! There is also a warm shower on the poolside so it would be possible to make sure a child was adequately rinsed and mostly dry (in swimwear) before sending them to the changing rooms of the correct sex. There are no additional doors (one from poolside and one onto the main corridor area) to get lost. Personally to me, bringing your 10/11 year old son into the ladies with you in this specific scenario smacks of entitlement tbh.

I think round about the time I feel it’s safe for my ds to cross a road on his own is the same time I’d think he had a chance of navigating a dangerous situation in a changing room successfully. For me that was closer to 10 than 8. But we never had single sex changing so has not arisen. I live in a city with a choice of pools, not so easy for others.

How do you know they are over 8? I got very fed up when ds was younger as I was challenged a number of times about ds (when he was 6 or 7) being in the female changing rooms. He’s tall for his age so people just assume he’s older. Still happens now as he’s 5’11” and nearly 13.

“If you expect a little bit to be taken home wet and half naked you are being ridiculous.”

T-shirt and towel on, more top layers of cold. My kids in summer spend days on end wet and half-naked.

Having had daughters become exquisitely self-conscious daughters who were early developers I wouldn’t dream of sending an 8 plus year old boy into a female change room. I would respect their changing space and I would explain to him why he had to wrap himself in a towel and change at home. I don’t think it’s ridiculous, I think it’s respectful, but each to their own.

The only option is to take something that’s not meant for you no matter who you’re inconveniencing in the meantime?

It’s not the only option at all.

• a car AND £50 sorry!