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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Could you and your partner leave your 7 week old baby for a week?

185 replies

froggy3 · 07/02/2019 17:34

To go to an exotic resort on the other side of the world...partly business, partly holiday and leave your baby with another family member?

That's all there is too it. I'm not going into anymore details. Just wondering peoples opinions.

And no this is not me. I have my opinion on it....which is absolutely not.

OP posts:
Juells · 08/02/2019 07:37

HRTFT - I might have with my first (apart from the fact that I BF) as I didn't realise that I'd go crazy without the baby and have to come home 😂

Janleverton · 08/02/2019 07:53

An ex neighbour of mine did this, but for 2 weeks and a 4 week old baby. She and her husband went to Dubai (I think it was) and her mother came over from Italy to look after the baby.

I judged. The gm had never met the baby before and couldn’t speak any English. It seemed a bit chancy if there was any emergency with the 4 week old, lovely for the grandmother and the baby was fine, but it just seemed really cold I suppose.

BertieBotts · 08/02/2019 08:08

No, but why do we have to judge each other incessantly? The baby would in all likelihood be fine. Though I do believe they recognise people this early, and while they are too little to be distressed by a parent's absence (it seems rather "out of sight out of mind" at this age, but IME they absolutely know and react when somebody familiar comes back) a week is a long time to be away and they might forget you. They are not "potatoes" as some people seem to think. I don't think it would be totally harmless, but it's not serious enough to get judgy over.

People are comfortable with different things though. At 7 weeks I'd be more comfortable being in full body contact for 24 hours of the day but that would be some people's idea of hell.

Ribbonsonabox · 08/02/2019 09:36

Why would anyone judge anyone else for leaving their baby in the care of loving grandparents for a week!! As pp have pointed out it's very common in some cultures as grandparents do the majority of caring for children traditionally... I have Italian family and they would not bat an eyelid at this because its assumed young adult people want to be out doing things and the older family members who've had that already now should watch the children.

Pernickity1 · 08/02/2019 09:48

It depends who’s looking after them. My mum was heavily involved in my children’s lives from birth. I would have trusted her completely to look after either of them at that age. I think it’s easy to leave a 7 week old - they have no idea at that age. It’s much harder when they’re older and have separation anxiety etc. besides breastfeeding there’s no reason why you couldn’t leave a 7 week old baby.

I’m not sure I would have left my DC for an entire week at that age but I don’t get why people never want to leave their children for any amount of time? Do you not crack up? My DC were very much wanted and loved, I gave up many things for them but I adore getting time away from them and I felt that way from when they were newborns. It had nothing to do with “bonding” I just value time alone without the exhausting dependency of small children.

LeAmEl19 · 08/02/2019 09:59

Easily. Does that make me terrible? Sad

Pernickity1 · 08/02/2019 10:00

okokokok wondering if we know each other in real life?!

Like the person you know, I too left my two toddlers to go to America with my DH (not quite for two weeks but close enough!) I have no regrets whatsoever, we had an amazing time and really needed it as a couple. My DC had a great time with my DM who looks after them every week anyway. No harm done at all! No anxiety issues while we were gone or since we came back. Win win.

So easy to judge, mothers can’t win and it’s definitely mothers who are judged for this not fathers. The martyrdom on this thread is nonsense!

Parthenope · 08/02/2019 10:04

Easily. Does that make me terrible?

No. Though it means you get Nul Points in the game of who can claim to be the best parent based on how, when they went to the shop by themselves for the first time when their offspring was fifteen, they collapsed sobbing in the frozen food aisle at the pain of separation.

As476 · 08/02/2019 10:15

Havent RTFT. I personally couldn’t leave my kids to go abroad, especially not that young. But saying that, I did leave my 3 week old for one night to attend a wedding that I couldnt take children to. I wasn’t breastfeeding. I completely trust my mum as she had my daughter at 1 day old so I could sleep as we had been up all night and all of the previous day (we lived with her at the time to save a deposit). Funnily enough that wedding was the thing that seemed to snap me out of quite severe PND. I realised I was still me and not just some sort of zombie mum with two children that didn’t sleep when actually I should have had my career started - all put on hold.

We are going abroad for a weekend at the later end of this year, but they’ll be 3, and 1.5 so I’m not as worried. I wouldn’t judge anyone that did go without their 7 week old though!

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/02/2019 10:20

Eminybob
I had a lot of trouble conceiving so I have no idea what it’s like to fall pregnant easily and I consider 2 years ttc pretty easy tbh.

All I know is parents, who’ve sought a lot of medical assistance to conceive or suffered in other ways with miscarriages, still births, children recovered from serious illnesses etc are usually ultra careful and protective of their dcs. Having come across a couple of girls in dds school, whose parents are like this, when they’ve explained why, it makes sense.

This poster was saying she knows someone, who went through the hell I described upthread at least once only to leave them as a tiny baby. I think that’s pretty extraordinary myself actually and relevant. And no one is saying that an ivf baby is any more valuable than a naturally conceived child.

However we don’t know the individual circumstances. The hormonal changes going on with ivf are very difficult to bare, which is why I compare it to rapid onset of menopause. Maybe the mum just needed a break for her mental health.

notangelinajolie · 08/02/2019 10:21

Yes, I did. DC was 8 weeks . It was for work and I went to Paris. Not exotic but it was still away from home My baby DC was absolutely fine with DH who was (still is) just as capable of caring for them as me.

sleepylittlebunnies · 08/02/2019 10:44

I think it is different if they are left with their other parent, but both parents going together and having someone babysit for a whole week is not good for anyone.

JacquesHammer · 08/02/2019 11:04

Not for me.

Also not for me to judge how other parents choose to raise their children. Provided the baby is safe, well cared for and its needs are met, no problem.

It takes a village and all that.

AfterSchoolWorry · 08/02/2019 11:06

No way.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/02/2019 11:06

If it isn't your baby then it's none of your business really. As long as the child is being looked after properly, why do you even care?

Charley50 · 08/02/2019 11:07

Nope!

3boysandabump · 08/02/2019 11:19

I wouldn't leave any of my kids to go abroad and the eldest is 8

Mandraki · 08/02/2019 19:14

I couldnt have done but had bad postnatal anxiety so didnt do much at that stage. Wouldn't judge someone who did, as long as the baby was with someone responsible and familiar to them.

reetgood · 08/02/2019 19:18

I wouldn’t have inflicted my 7 week old on anyone for a week. I think it was around this point I arrived at gp’s, slightly wild eyed and looking for help with a sicky, 2 hour sleep cycling baby...

No judgement for how other people do their parenting when it’s unlikely to result in any harm.

squeekums · 09/02/2019 02:35

I cant believe the people saying they cant even leave a 8 or 9 yr old. How will you cope come school camp or sleepovers?
Id be in a straight jacket by that stage with no proper break. As it is every school holidays dd spends a week at grandmas since she was 4.

Im laughing at the people who claim they judge. Ok then dear, good for you. I oddly find that a happy mum makes a better mum and if a holiday helps that, so be it. I pity the mums who literally lose themselves cos 'baby'

Solstice888 · 09/02/2019 02:38

Don't have kids, or want them xD but I know I wouldn't be able to do that. A day or two with my parents maybe but 7 week baba should be with it's mother, even I know that.

FenellaMaxwell · 09/02/2019 02:45

No. We’ve had to leave DS with my DM twice for weekends to go to child free weddings of close friends, one at 7 months and one at 18 months, but aside from that I can’t imagine wanting to go away without him. He sometimes sleeps a night at my DM’s, which I do struggle with but keep quiet about because he and she both love it. He’s 2.

Marvelus · 09/02/2019 02:53

I would have if I had the opportunity

But I was breastfeeding, babies were fussy and no one would ever offer to babysit for the long. So I am jealous Envy

Even now they are older i would leave in a heartbeat if I was offered this!

Pk37 · 09/02/2019 07:29

It’s a no from me

Auntiepatricia · 09/02/2019 07:37

Sounds absolutely fine. I think I might struggle to do it myself but there’s no reason not to other than worry about missing the baby.

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