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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mortifying situation

255 replies

PooleySpooley · 06/02/2019 23:28

I am doing futher education through my work.

I am a professional and now have to do one of the core subjects which I never achieved at GCSE (not English), lied about but couldn’t produce the certificate so have to do an evening class.

I have started, it’s a small group of very mixed abilities and there is a teacher and a TA type person.

Tonight she stood over me twice (while I was trying to remember the basics and was perfectly capable of doing them) and then she sat next to me and was doing the work with me - asking questions to help me like I am about 5.

I said I think I have this thanks but she seemed really upset and offended.

WTF do I do? I am quite intelligent am not an idiot but I just didn’t manage to get this at school Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 18:45

Op. I think we all know what an apprenticeship is, but the point remains, an apprenticeship is training to do a trade. If you've done it for ten years. It makes no sense you'd go back to being an apprentice to qualify and learn to do what you're already qualified and experienced in

If you read the link you would see it’s a new government initiative Hmm

NOT learning a trade but gaining a qualification while working which enhances what I already do.

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 18:47

If you have a pay bill of more than 3 million quid you pay an apprenticeship levy.

OP posts:
Donmesswime · 07/02/2019 18:50

Bluntness, there are certain companies who are going for something like ISO certification or similar, who require every employee to for e.g. have a diploma say. That could be the reason.

So, say you've worked your way up through the years from a Receptionist and are now a Business manager, but have no qualifications whatsoever, they might want you to now get the qualifications so that they can get the certification.

PrismGuile · 07/02/2019 18:52

@Bluntness100 actually you're wrong. I'm an apprentice right now and just graduated from my Ma. You can do apprenticeships which are Masters equivalent qualifications... it just means there is an element of training that the government funds.

PrismGuile · 07/02/2019 18:55

It's not like it used to be, 8 out of 10 apprentices at my work have a degree or higher and it is an academic role.

AhhhHereItGoes · 07/02/2019 19:34

I had to take Maths 3 times in all. I'm reasonably intelligent but I find BODMAS/Geometry/Spacial things really hard.

I lost took it at 20 though and got the C - phew.

Honestly I'm fairly easy going so I just would say "Thanks for trying to help, but I get flustered when being watched. Can I E-Mail you if I have any questions?"

I wouldn't be rude or patronising, she's likely just enthusiastic and eager to please.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 21:28

@Bluntness100

But thanks for coming back Hmm

OP posts:
Advicewouldbelovelyta · 08/02/2019 17:41

Why don't you ask for last year's exam as a practice test and see how you do? Then you'll know where you may need help or certain areas you need to focus on

Mmmmbrekkie · 08/02/2019 17:41

Sorry if I missed this
You were found out to have lied about a qualification, obviously fairly significant to the role if they are making you take it

Tbh i would be job hunting if I were you. They won’t trust you and i doubt progress you

icannotremember · 08/02/2019 17:44

My DH had to go and do L2 equivalents in English and Maths as a 30something, as he was going back to college and they insisted all students had to have a GCSE C in those or equivalent. He has no access to his educational records in his home country so had no proof he'd ever achieved an equivalent. He's a really bright man who has used Maths far more complex than the stuff in those courses for years, but he found the learning environment really off putting too. And he was massively patronised by a member of staff there. Totally get you, op. Find a way to explain that you are an adult, with years of work experience and a perfectly good set of qualifications already achieved, you know your learning style and you're very aware of what hinders you, so can they please just feck off and leave you to get on with it?!

icannotremember · 08/02/2019 17:47

but she seemed really upset and offended.

Tough shit if she is, to be honest. You sound like you were polite and reasonable, if she chooses to get upset because someone doesn't need or want her help that's her problem!

Mmmmbrekkie · 08/02/2019 17:47

Significant to the role insofar as required rather than used on a day to day basis

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 08/02/2019 17:50

Tbh I understand what you mean and I understand about you having lied. There are some subjects that not getting a good grade with is as bad as a jail term in some people's eyes so I don't blame you at all. I left school with a bad grade in a subject and it's just something I've never got or been able to do and I have tried to retake a lower level of said subject but I didn't even get that. I just know I never would get it if I had to do it now. Said lessons at school were spent picking chewing gum out of my hair as I sat at the front of the class which didn't help. The teaching when I was at school was pretty bad, teachers just taught stuff and didn't much care.
Just be firm and explain to the teacher.

Mammajay · 08/02/2019 17:50

I taught for many years working with students with specific learning difficulties and when in some schools support would be in class, I knew it was the kiss of death for some students to single them out. For me, I experienced as an adult being singled out for help in a dance class. I found it humiliating rather than helpful and stopped attending. So, op, well done for tackling this. I would try to go in early and tell the ta thanks but if I need help I will ask for it. If you have any difficulty with the subject try to note which area and use some of the interactive stuff online to strengthen those areas. You will benefit from looking at materials for each class in advance if you can. You are clearly intelligent and resourceful, so good luck and hope you get top marks.

Honeyroar · 08/02/2019 17:52

The whole definition of an apprentice has changed nowadays. A lot of companies are changing terminology to be able to claim for training by calling employees apprentices. Also a lot of apprentices are graduates. It doesn’t always mean you’re new or novice.

WinnieFosterTether · 08/02/2019 17:55

tbh the problem isn't the TA. It's that you think it's mortifying. You need to work out if you're mortified that you need to be there. That you're mortified because anyone is trying to help you. Or that you're mortified because the TA is trying to help you. Other people could have taken the help with good grace or said 'oh you're making me nervous, can I just give you a shout if I get stuck?' You did neither and felt mortified. I think you need to work out why, then you'll know which approach to take at the next class.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 08/02/2019 17:57

I'm 47 and also starting an 'apprenticeship' (name makes me eel about 16!) I've worked for my company for 14 years and it's seen as quite big deal to get accepted on it. I also did the diagnostic tests for Maths and English, we all had to, it's part of the requirements for the course to be legitimate. Luckily for me I can prove I got O'Levels in both so I don't have to do what the OP's doing. There are people in my company however who do - because they can't locate certificates or took exams in other countries. It's not unusual. No-ones going to be hunting OP down about it!

@pooleyspooley hope it goes well for you - don't forget to apply for your NUS card!

Catsinthecupboard · 08/02/2019 18:21

My ds is dyslexic. Had this throughout school. He was mortified. I wish people would understand that it's not helpful to be subjected to being singled out.

Best wishes and i think you're going great to go out of your comfy place to do this. Very brave.

Gwenhwyfar · 08/02/2019 18:22

I really don't understand all the nastiness directed at OP here. There's also at least one person here who seems to be very bitter about her own job in adult education.
I agree with all the other sensible people - just explain to the TA that you will ask for her help if you need it.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 08/02/2019 18:39

Thank you Smile

As far as work know I can’t “find” my certificate, and I am a valued member of staff who is very unlikely to lose my job over this Smile

OP posts:
dragonsfire · 08/02/2019 19:05

Wiw this has escalated quickly so many judgmental people!

I am the same as you OP I used to get super stressed if teacher tried to help me.

As others have said a quiet word to explain you will ask when needed will probably work and you aced the test so they will know you don’t need help.

Well done on all you have over one ignore the ignorant idiots.

BTW my sister just got a new job they asked if she had a driving license as would need to drive fleet cars- she does it’s just an automatic one! I have leant her money for manual lessons 😜

Kennehora · 08/02/2019 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fleetwoodsnack · 08/02/2019 19:19

Tell the truth in future - certificates can be reissued so you can be found out.

I say this as a cancer survivor who hasn't lied about any of my qualifications. I have a particular form of degree in my subject which is slightly different from the norm and is therefore less useful. I would never present it as anything different although the reason I have what I have is similar to yours. Next time do the exam then apply for the job.

PrivateDoor · 08/02/2019 19:21

I agree with you op. You aren't going to lose your job. Your work very much value you or they wouldn't be paying for you to do the course. They really don't care so long as you end up with this qualification one way or another!

I do think the TA is just trying to help, though I can see why you are frustrated. I would just keep saying 'thank you but I am ok, I will ask you if I need help'. At the end of the day, you aren't there to make friends - you are there to get this piece of paper which you clearly will have no problems getting.

gingerninja · 08/02/2019 19:24

Haven’t posted in about 9 years, had to reset my password just to say ‘what a bunch of bullying nasty bitches’.

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