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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mortifying situation

255 replies

PooleySpooley · 06/02/2019 23:28

I am doing futher education through my work.

I am a professional and now have to do one of the core subjects which I never achieved at GCSE (not English), lied about but couldn’t produce the certificate so have to do an evening class.

I have started, it’s a small group of very mixed abilities and there is a teacher and a TA type person.

Tonight she stood over me twice (while I was trying to remember the basics and was perfectly capable of doing them) and then she sat next to me and was doing the work with me - asking questions to help me like I am about 5.

I said I think I have this thanks but she seemed really upset and offended.

WTF do I do? I am quite intelligent am not an idiot but I just didn’t manage to get this at school Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:19

@Fairenuff
I don’t really need to go into it here.

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:22

I didn’t get the qualification because I was unwell in hospital.

It’s the only one I didn’t get and I have managed perfectly well without it.

I am doing functional Maths which is a piece of piss and I don’t need a TA sat next to me.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 07/02/2019 00:28

Ok, well if you don't want to clarify I will just go on what you have posted so far that you lied on your application form, couldn't produce the certificate and as you said 'doing further education through my work', it sounds like they have said you have to do it. Which is pretty good really.

My friend's plan is to just say that she's lost the certificate. Let's hope that if they offer her the job they will give her a similar opportunity to 'retake' the exam.

MitziK · 07/02/2019 00:28

Then why did you have to be 'left alone' to remember basic numeracy skills that an average 11 year old knows instantly?

It's only a 'piece of piss' if you already know it. Which you didn't.

spudlet7 · 07/02/2019 00:29

To be fair to OP, it sounds like she was honest? She said 'I think I've got this thanks'. Sounds fine to me. Unless she was aggressive or rude, I'm not sure why the teacher was upset.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:29

Then why did you have to be 'left alone' to remember basic numeracy skills that an average 11 year old knows instantly

Because I haven’t had to think about it for over 20 years?

OP posts:
MostlyBoastly · 07/02/2019 00:30

Oh bless you, yeah that’s horrible! This is the reason I hate exercise classes - in case you’re singled out for support. Urgh.

OlennasWimple · 07/02/2019 00:30

I am doing functional Maths which is a piece of piss and I don’t need a TA sat next to me.

Bit dismissive of at least some of your classmates who won't be finding it a piece of piss Hmm

Just explain to the TA that you are finding it hard to concentrate when she is watching you answer the questions, and you would prefer to do it yourself first and then check in with her if you have any questions.

It's only a mortifying situation if you let it be.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:31

And it was fractions.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 07/02/2019 00:31

Complaining about being taught in a way that works is a great way to deflect from the work itself - it's an adult version of disrupting a class by shouting out, tapping on the table, rocking back on a chair or pulling faces at another student because you don't understand the work and don't want anybody else to know.

Clearly that 'way' doesn't work for the OP. And as an adult she is perfectly capable of asking for help when she needs it.
If after a few weeks it becomes apparent to the tutor that the OP isn't coping, then she can try other methods.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:32

@MostlyBoastly

Totally

OP posts:
MostlyBoastly · 07/02/2019 00:33

It’s not about understanding at all. It’s a social attitude - often introversion. I’ve taught functional maths and literacy and found no correlation between aversion to support and understanding (atleast
not in this way. Obviously, those who are under-confident because they’re not skilled-up will also shy away from help, but it’s not the same thing.)

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:33

Complaining about being taught in a way that works is a great way to deflect from the work itself - it's an adult version of disrupting a class by shouting out, tapping on the table, rocking back on a chair or pulling faces at another student because you don't understand the work and don't want anybody else to know

I am 44 Hmm

OP posts:
FlyingMonkeys · 07/02/2019 00:34

I wouldn't email about it because the TA may give you a wide berth in future and the work may get to a point you do want support. Just say thanks but I struggle to concentrate having someone sat with me, is it okay if I let you know if/when I need help? Thank you.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:34

I don’t need the TA.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 07/02/2019 00:34

WTF do I do? I am quite intelligent am not an idiot but I just didn’t manage to get this at school
I am doing functional Maths which is a piece of piss
Perhaps your perceived attitude that you think you're so much better than the rest of the class is coming across as a deflection from your struggles.

You were sitting there struggling, she came over to help. Perfectly acceptable to say actually I think if you give me a few minutes I'll get it but I'll call you I'd I don't. Less reasonable to imply everyone else is an idiot and you only needed a second be a use you haven't used functional math skills in decades

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:38

We were doing an assessment and she cane to help me. Asking me loudly in a silent room about my workings out in my first class tonight. It was basic fractions which I just needed to remember.

She then proceeded to ask the teacher if she was supposed to be helping us which she was told she was not.

My first class and all three times we were asked to work alone she was hovering over me.

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:38

The lesson started with being told what an odd and an even number is.

OP posts:
MostlyBoastly · 07/02/2019 00:40

I wouldn’t email the TA. I might comment next week but appropriate the blame myself. So, “Sorry if I was a bit stand-offish last week. I get really self-conscious and distracted when offered support sometimes, but thank you.”

You don’t have to, of course. But it will stem any bad feeling.

And for the record, it’s not at all incongruous to say that you were trying to recall the basics but you weren’t struggling. I get it. I’m not sure what the problem is really.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/02/2019 00:43

She sounds like a new TA. Teacher has probably had a word and told her to back off. You can also tell her thanks, but I'm fine. If she continues, say it loud enough for the teacher to hear.

The lesson started with being told what an odd and an even number is
And? You're in a basic functional maths class. If you can't just sit the exam at the end, then that's what you've signed up for.
If you did the assessment today to see where you are, it might be worth speaking to the teacher about just doing the exam when she sees you scored 100% on the assessment

Bloominglovely · 07/02/2019 00:45

Sometimes if people are making an obvious effort to be nice to me/help me, I worry that they are trying to help because they feel sorry for me and pity me and then this idea grows legs and my face reddens with embarrassment which makes it even worse.

I wouldn't email but do as a previous poster suggested and have a little chat saying you are grateful for the support but will raise your hand/ask for it when you need it but for now you are happy to try and manage by yourself.

It could be that the assistant is well aware that it is possibly thirty years since you had to do fractions rather than she is singling you out.

MitziK · 07/02/2019 00:45

Your age doesn't surprise me at all - it's the middleaged students that have been the most resistant in my experience.

(they've also been the ones that have been the nastiest to other students they see as being worse than them - on one occasion, I remember 2 middleaged women pointing, whispering and giggling at a young lad because he was using his fingers to work something out. Personally, I didn't think that somebody with the numeracy skills of a nine year has any business taking the piss out of somebody who had was at entry level because he'd been in hospital with cancer when he was five.

He got the individual help, they were left to ask for help if they wanted it and the Look of Death every time they started trying to distract away from their lack of understanding by picking on somebody vulnerable - guess who reached the highest level upon summative assessment?

He went from not understanding the concept of place value or division to getting a D at GCSE within the year (and resat the following year and got a B). They were still below the level required of an 11 year old.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:46

I scored 99%

OP posts:
JasperKarat · 07/02/2019 00:46

If it's all so easy, don't take the course just pay to sit the exam, as you said 'piece of piss'

MarthasGinYard · 07/02/2019 00:48

'I scored 99%'

Shame you didn't first time around and chose to lie about it.

It's basic maths which you've previously failed. TA would probably just respond to a smile and 'I'm ok at the mo, will give you a shout if I'm struggling'

Seems a strange thing to make a song and dance about