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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mortifying situation

255 replies

PooleySpooley · 06/02/2019 23:28

I am doing futher education through my work.

I am a professional and now have to do one of the core subjects which I never achieved at GCSE (not English), lied about but couldn’t produce the certificate so have to do an evening class.

I have started, it’s a small group of very mixed abilities and there is a teacher and a TA type person.

Tonight she stood over me twice (while I was trying to remember the basics and was perfectly capable of doing them) and then she sat next to me and was doing the work with me - asking questions to help me like I am about 5.

I said I think I have this thanks but she seemed really upset and offended.

WTF do I do? I am quite intelligent am not an idiot but I just didn’t manage to get this at school Sad

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 07/02/2019 08:43

I would feel uncomfortable too.
If it happens again I would quietly approach the tutor and say that you appreciate the help but that it is off putting and that you would ask for help when/if you need it.

Sounds like you’ve overcome so much in your life. You’ve got this.

Pinkcottonshirt · 07/02/2019 08:50

Is there any chance that a line manager or HR has given the college a nudge about your “missing” certificate?

(I actually had a point about this when I started writing the post but have forgotten where I was going with it! Something about trying to understand the TA’s motives for offering you help).

lljkk · 07/02/2019 08:54

what kind of tumour did you have on your spine? Are you in long term remission or was it benign or something like NF?

Do you know what.. I'm asking again for 4 reasons:

A) OP mentioned it. OP thinks it's relevant
B) It annoys people who are projecting all kinds of shit onto why they think I asked. I know they're being ridiculous so I enjoy annoying them back, again and again
C) I believe that people should be forgiven for all sorts of screw ups they make in life... even if/when was a mistake for OP to mention something irrelevant & people are projecting ridiculous motives onto me
D) OP can still ignore if she likes. I don't mind.

VeganCow · 07/02/2019 08:55

Bloody hell. Why are people so harsh? Do you all wait on the sidelines to jump on a poster the minute you have a chance? Mind you OP, its AIBU, you would have been better posting this in education.

I went to an outstanding grammar school and didnt get maths olevel. The teacher really was no good at all as well. Only got the CSE.
Re took it at college a year later with a fab tutor and passed it, it absolutely all fell into place because of how good a teacher she was and the stuff and short cuts she taught us I still use 30 years later, as she applied the lot to real life, banking, business, accounts etc.
I would tell the TA next time she comes over that you can only work by yourself, and will shout if she is needed.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 07/02/2019 08:59

OP, I’d find that kind of hovering intolerable. I’m so sorry to hear of your past suffering, and think you’re amazing for doing what you’re doing. I cannot think what’s motivating some of the vitriolic comments on the thread.

Just politely inform the TA that you can work by yourself but are grateful, and will ask for help if you need it.

Good luck with the diploma Flowers and ignore the unpleasant comments here.

Italiangreyhound · 07/02/2019 09:05

Pinkcottonshirt why are you trying to understand the TA's motives. The thread isn't about that. It's about the OP. It doesn't really matter what motivates the TA.

sackrifice · 07/02/2019 09:08

I am quite abrupt and would probably have turned my paper over so she couldn't see and ask her what she is doing as this was supposed to be a test. Totally inappropriate. And I've done supply work as a TA.

Atalune · 07/02/2019 09:08

Christ you’re getting a hard time on here!

well bloody done for going back to school, overcoming cancer and drug addiction.

Stardustinmyeyes · 07/02/2019 09:12

There have been some astonishingly abrasive comments on here. Op take no notice of the nasty fuckers on heretonight

Op well done on all your achievements so far

Orchiddingme · 07/02/2019 09:14

It sounds like the TA was a bit annoying and not taking the hint, then the teacher corrected this. I'm sure next week the TA won't be bothering you.

But if it was the first week and the TA didn't know anything about you or your abilities, don't take this personally.

Good luck with your studies!

JustThePerson · 07/02/2019 09:17

OP I think you’re getting a hard time because you’re coming across as though you’re very defensive about this and find the concept of needing help embarrassing. Is it possible you were a bit sharp with the TA? I only ask because I can’t see why she would be upset at someone saying no thanks to help.

She wasn’t doing anything wrong in offering help, probably thought you were struggling and was trying to help. However, you’re well within your rights to decline help.

OutPinked · 07/02/2019 09:18

I teach FE English to adults so have some experience with this. Generally GCSE students older than me (so over 30) are the trickiest to teach. I believe they feel somewhat degraded having someone 10-20 years younger than them teaching them how to dot their I’s so to speak. Many of them also have no desire to be there but are being forced to by employers as you are. It’s always a difficult class to teach compared to my A level and Access students who generally have chosen to be there.

I would advise just taking the exam if you can since you find it so easy. That way you gain the qualification and don’t feel undermined. Bear in mind the staff definitely aren’t trying to undermine you! They’re just doing their job. I agree with a PP that the students resisting help are often the ones really struggling. Not always, I have had some very bright students who genuinely don’t need help but I could tell they didn’t judging by the work they produced.

Pinkcottonshirt · 07/02/2019 09:22

Pinkcottonshirt why are you trying to understand the TA's motives. The thread isn't about that. It's about the OP. It doesn't really matter what motivates the TA.

As I said in the post, I did have a point but then couldn’t remember it by the time the interruptions finished and I could finish the post Confused

Pinkcottonshirt · 07/02/2019 09:25

Bloody hell. Why are people so harsh?

I think some people are reacting to the OP’s lack of concern about her dishonesty or her amazing drip feeds or her grandiosity about functional skills level maths or the fact that such a simple situation, that she’d already solved was “mortifying “.

Italiangreyhound · 07/02/2019 09:26

OP I think you are getting a hard time because some people like to go out of their way to be mean! That's it. Nothing more. Otherwise it doesn't make any sense.

OutPinked · 07/02/2019 09:30

I teach FE English to adults so have some experience with this. Generally GCSE students older than me (so over 30) are the trickiest to teach. I believe they feel somewhat degraded having someone 10-20 years younger than them teaching them how to dot their I’s so to speak. Many of them also have no desire to be there but are being forced to by employers as you are. It’s always a difficult class to teach compared to my A level and Access students who generally have chosen to be there.

I would advise just taking the exam if you can since you find it so easy. That way you gain the qualification and don’t feel undermined. Bear in mind the staff definitely aren’t trying to undermine you! They’re just doing their job. I agree with a PP that the students resisting help are often the ones really struggling. Not always, I have had some very bright students who genuinely don’t need help but I could tell they didn’t judging by the work they produced.

Italiangreyhound · 07/02/2019 09:30

Pinkcottonshirt Mumsnet is for support. If people aren't interested in helping why are they bothering to post mean comments. It's just beyond me. Including your last post " ...her grandiosity about functional skills level maths...", what point are you making!

There are people here admiring the OP for what they are doing, hopefully they will feel encouraged and empowered. I would expect those claiming to be teachers would want that, rather than to belittle someone continuing their education.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/02/2019 09:32

Are you saying that you lied about having the qualification and got caught out because you couldn't provide the certificate

That's how I rad it, too Fairenuff

Italiangreyhound · 07/02/2019 09:38

I am so angry on your behalf at the ridiculous and awful comments coming at you PooleySpooley.

I had better hide the thread!

Want to wish you all the best.

pictish · 07/02/2019 09:44

Italiangreyhound - what are you on about?
The OP having cancer as a child is irrelevant to this query.
You are being quite weird to me in your post below.

Triffictriffid · 07/02/2019 09:45

pinkcottonshirt for all I know he may well have felt annoyed/defensive/threatened or whatever, by the requirement but however he felt about it he just got on with it without making out he knew exactly how to wash his hands and tutting that it was basic etc.

ittakes2 · 07/02/2019 09:51

There is a possibility that while you are trying to remember how you were taught it...the way of teaching it has changed since you went to school. And they might want you to know this new way as a building block for future lessons. Honestly, is had happened over a series of classes...but from your OP it seems to have happened just once. I think maybe the attitude might be on your side and you need to think about it as you come across as being very indignant to the point I am wondering if you are covering other issues. I'm sorry about your hospital visit and illness - but did you read your OP back to yourself? You didn't pass a GCSE and then lied about it - your work doesn't know you lied about it - they just know you can't show the paperwork to prove you passed. If you were someone else...what would you think of the person posting this?

Italiangreyhound · 07/02/2019 09:52

pictish I think it is completely relevant since that is why the OP could not take her exam as a child.

Pinkblanket · 07/02/2019 09:54

If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one! Just speak to her.

pictish · 07/02/2019 11:36

Italian It doesn't matter why she finds herself doing maths now. She appears to have a problem with being guided by a TA. That has nothing to do with childhood illness.