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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mortifying situation

255 replies

PooleySpooley · 06/02/2019 23:28

I am doing futher education through my work.

I am a professional and now have to do one of the core subjects which I never achieved at GCSE (not English), lied about but couldn’t produce the certificate so have to do an evening class.

I have started, it’s a small group of very mixed abilities and there is a teacher and a TA type person.

Tonight she stood over me twice (while I was trying to remember the basics and was perfectly capable of doing them) and then she sat next to me and was doing the work with me - asking questions to help me like I am about 5.

I said I think I have this thanks but she seemed really upset and offended.

WTF do I do? I am quite intelligent am not an idiot but I just didn’t manage to get this at school Sad

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 06/02/2019 23:31

I'm confused are you saying she's in the wrong for helping you when you don't need it?
Or do you need it? In which case why did you say no thanks?

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 06/02/2019 23:31

I don’t need it or want it it makes me freeze.

OP posts:
Dafspunk · 06/02/2019 23:32

Perhaps your inability to accept help is the reason you just didn’t manage to get it at school?

purpleme12 · 06/02/2019 23:33

Oh so you struggle but just don't like the attention. I can understand that. I'd just tell her it makes you nervous or whatever if she's there loads of people are like this

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 06/02/2019 23:34

I didn’t get it at school because I missed a lot of school after being diagnosed with a tumour on my spine.

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 06/02/2019 23:35

Just say “I’m so sorry, when you’re sitting next to me I freeze. Can I grab you and have a chat if I need some help though?” My boss sometimes stands over me while I do stuff and it’s like I’m typing in boxing gloves. I said once, as a joke, oh the pressure! If he does it now he apologises without me doing anything and moves away. You’re not going to offend her! Be polite but make this work for you!

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 06/02/2019 23:35

I am not struggling at all - I want to try to do it myself first and ask for help if I need it.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 06/02/2019 23:40

Just say that then. That you'd like to have a go on your own with nobody watching.

MyKingdomForBrie · 06/02/2019 23:42

What user said, just be totally honest.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 06/02/2019 23:42

I know - I went back to 5 year old me (and I have done a lot of education as an adult) and just felt like an absolute dick Sad

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 06/02/2019 23:43

You're a grown up. You can talk to the teacher and the TA yourself and explain what you want from them or not.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 06/02/2019 23:45

I was thinking of emailing the teacher who is really sweet and say please can the TA concentrate on the others as it make me really uncomfortable Confused

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 06/02/2019 23:56

Can’t you just pay to sit the exam? There are loads of study books you could use instead, or even a tutor.

But if you want to go to the class just pull up your big girl pants and be firm with the assistant. SHE might make you feel like you’re 5, but you don’t have to join in that role play!

Fairenuff · 06/02/2019 23:59

Are you saying that you lied about having the qualification and got caught out because you couldn't provide the certificate?

FortunesFave · 07/02/2019 00:01

Tell the TA yourself. If she persists, just say "Thanks SO much for your help but I really don't need it and I'm better left alone"

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:04

Are you saying that you lied about having the qualification and got caught out because you couldn't provide the certificate

Not really

OP posts:
halfwitpicker · 07/02/2019 00:04

Tell her.

Say 'Please let me try and figure this out, if I need you I can shout, OK?'. Big smile.

This is adult Ed, you are not back in Year 10.

pineapplebryanbrown · 07/02/2019 00:05

I just couldn't learn maths at school, I moved schools a lot and missed all the building blocks and then became phobic about it.

In the end (as an adult) I bought the GCSE books and my Dad taught me very slowly and carefully and I paid to sit the exam. I knew I just needed to do it quietly without a teacher breathing down my neck and making me feel phobic again. I couldn't have managed to sit in a classroom to do it.

I got a C, 5th time lucky!! 4 times at school and 6th form.

Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:06

FortunesFave

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
PooleySpooley · 07/02/2019 00:07

@thighofrelief101

Well done Grin

OP posts:
caringcarer · 07/02/2019 00:07

I would get to next session a few minutes early and have a quite word with t/a. Just tell t/a you are one of those people who get on better on their own as you freeze whilst being watched but if you need help you will ask. If you say it with a smile I would think she would understand.

pineapplebryanbrown · 07/02/2019 00:09

Thanks! I was truly delighted with a C and it was really hard for me!

Fairenuff · 07/02/2019 00:16

How do you mean, not really? I'm asking because my friend lied on her application form and she's got an interview but she knows she won't be able to produce the certificate if asked. I'm wondering what happened with you. Did they tell you to go to classes or are you doing it off your own back?

Donmesswime · 07/02/2019 00:16

What is she doing/saying that is causing you distress?

MitziK · 07/02/2019 00:19

I've worked in adult education.

The people who make the most fuss about being treated like children often seem to be the ones who understand the concepts least. Complaining about being taught in a way that works is a great way to deflect from the work itself - it's an adult version of disrupting a class by shouting out, tapping on the table, rocking back on a chair or pulling faces at another student because you don't understand the work and don't want anybody else to know.

Children are taught in that way precisely because it's the way they're most likely to grasp the concept and be able to develop the skills. If it works for children, that makes it useful for an adult who has never got around to learning it.

I've sat with people and taken them through the steps, drawn cartoons that explain the concepts, raided the water cooler for cups to illustrate volume and I've pranced around the other side of a door so that a number line and place value can be understood. I teach this way because that was how I learned them (I certainly wouldn't have been able to had I been left to get on with it after 20 mins of somebody droning away at the blackboard). I was fortunate that my teachers believed in sitting down with me and taking me through each step, as I was off school a lot with illness. I also make a point of using my fingers to do calculations when teaching, as there's absolutely no shame in it.

Mind you, if you were 'trying to remember the basics', you definitely needed her to stop and help, as not knowing those basics immediately means that you weren't perfectly capable. The two statements are inherently incompatible.

I'd suggest that you think about it, put your pride away and get on with the course whilst thanking your lucky stars that they haven't fired you for lying about your qualifications.

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