to ask how you can fully trust your OH?

[willieverthinkofaname]

Hi all, I know this title makes me sound a bit crazy but I like to think I have my head firmly screwed on to separate it from my heart. But please bear with...

I just want to know how you can actually fully trust someone. So many people on here are scorned by people they have always trusted/thought were faithful. No one really goes into a marriage thinking their OH will cheat yet the statistics of cheating are insanely high (60-70% I read somewhere).

Then it comes down to internet activity, you can do ANYTHING. I literally only use it for social media, mumsnet and wikipedia these days. But you read about all the things you can do it's so scary!

My OH has no reason to make me doubt him. He's always where he says he is, I've never seen anything on his phone, but I remember the possibility is out there. Especially with incognito browsers which my DP would know how to use and if he were going to cheat, understands all the internet crap to hide anything he's been on. I just think it's so hard to trust people in this society.

I know I sound so pessimistic but I feel so confused by life.

(FWIW this doesn't affect my DP, I don't snoop etc. but please not focus on anything to do with my relationship personally, I feel the same about other people's partners too and worry on behalf of them!)

He maybe thinks exactly the same about you

This is one of those things that you have to 'park' i.e. put it to the back of your mind and try not to think about it.
You can never know with 100% certainty that you can trust someone but you could drive yourself insane thinking about it. So like most of life its a matter of crossing your fingers and hoping for the best and having confidence in yourself that you could deal with the worse.

I'm asking in general about your experience, what makes you decide to trust someone when there's so many reasons not to.

If you think back to pre-internet, it must have been easier surely?

@fairyliz that's actually really helpful. I just wonder how people can

I'm pretty sure 99% sure I can trust my dh as although he has his problems a lack of honesty is not one of them.
He tells the truth even if it hurts, and I respect this far more than a devious type.
I think you can tell by their nature, if they are dishonest about one thing, or cheat with one thing, chances are this is their character throughout, whether we like to see it or not.
Do they own up to stuff, or try and get away with it?

I trust him and don't worry as 1) he's never given me a reason to doubt him and 2) I don't have the headspace to worry about it, there's enough in life that's stressful as it is!

Anybody in life can screw you over. Your boss could fire you tomorrow, your sister could sleep with your husband, your kids could be stealing from Granny. If you spend all your time worrying about these things, then you're just going to waste your life.

You can never trust anyone 100%. It's sensible to bear that in the back of your mind, but if your partner has never given you any reason to doubt him, it doesn't need to be a constant worry.

Anyone can cheat, at any time. You could too. There's nothing you can do to stop it, but in a good relationship you have to trust.

This is one of those things that you have to 'park' i.e. put it to the back of your mind and try not to think about it.

This. My husband has never given me a reason to think he would ever cheat on me and is one of the most loyal people I know. However, I am not naive enough to think that I can guarantee he will never cheat on me. Pretty much everyone who has been cheated on believed their partners would never cheat on them.

I don't worry about it. I will worry about it if I ever think I have reason to.

I don't really think about it either, I just assume he won't screw me over. You can't live your life worrying about it.

I could say I 100% trust dh but like with antibacterial spray I'd be safer saying 99.9% just because weird things happen. I have never had reason not to trust him, he's a very stable character.

There’s no point worry about it because it doesn’t change the outcome

Either they are trustworthy or they’re not and worrying about it won’t suddenly make someone who isn’t become trustworthy

You can’t live by what ifs all the time so it’s. enter to trust until they give you a reason not to

Because life would be shit if you didn't have trust in those you love. I will always trust my OH until he ever gives me a reason not to. Live is too short to constantly worry about things that 'might' happen.

YY to Fairyliz. I’m a realist so I know I can’t say DH would never cheat; but I’m also an optimist in a healthy, respectful relationship, so I really dont think he would and I’m happy not to angst over the faint possibility!

I also think you cannot trust anyone 100%.

The internet has made it very easy to cheat on your significant other.

My DP now is the only man I've ever fully trusted.

He's far too lazy to cheat.

The only person you can trust 100% is yourself. I am nearly sixty and I have had some wonderful times and some shit times over the course of my life.

I have been able to deal with the bad times so in that way I am unbreakable. So what I think I am trying to say is trust in yourself and you will be ok whatever happens.

Living your life worrying about something you have no ultimate control over isn't feasible

Trust for me is a default setting, I only distrust those that have proven themselves untrustworthy, even then you can regain it

I trust my car won't explode on the motorway. I trust my nurse isn't an impostor. I trust my neighbour isn't s serial killer. I trust my friend with keys to my house won't steal. I trust DH isn't cheating.

All of these things are possible. But if I worried about them all, I'd be unhappy. So I try not to.

You can never completely trust anyone, not even really yourself. Human nature is simply too multifaceted to ever fully know another person. We’re all vulnerable when in love, that’s the harsh truth and all of us are just hoping the other person isn’t going to wrong us but we can never be too certain.

You just have to get on with it really and hope for the best outcome.

I don't trust anyone 100%. However I don't spend time worrying what if.

If it happens, it happens and no amount of worrying will stop it.

I'll pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with life 🤷🏽‍♀️

I don't. It's always in the back of my mind. But exactly that, it's in the back of my mind and I live (or try to) for the moment and enjoy the good times. If someone is going to hurt me I know I'll deal with it. Being hurt isn't a death sentence, you'll get through it anyway. You can only really trust yourself. (And even then you will surprise yourself along the way! 😳)
I do worry from time to time but I always come back to the thought that I will get through whatever hurt someone throws at me and a lot of "fuck them!" If they ever do.

Yes, you can trust someone 100% if you see trust as an act of faith.

I trust my husband 100%. I might be wrong to trust him, but it doesn't mean I don't.

He's always been honest to a fault and he's useless at trying to hide anything. We're together more than most and I usually know where he is when he's not with me, it would be obvious if that changed. More than any of that, I trust him because I know him. Some men are trustworthy and some aren't, same as women.

Firstly, I have major trust issues. So i jokingly tell DH that I trust him about 80%. We've been married 16 years (together 15)

Having said that, I know he's got my back and I've got his.

He is easily the best decision I have ever made.

And, the greatest blessing would be for us to grow old, and happy together, then die minutes apart. I cannot see living in a world without him and nor can he.

I think the thing is to be happy with your own self.

If the worst happens - the situation that worries you, you WILL manage.

Life goes on, it always does.