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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

9 year old daughter told to wear sports bra/crop top

252 replies

movinonup · 06/02/2019 10:29

DD came to me last night saying that she needed a sports bra or crop top for P.E in the future as the teacher had told this to a group of girls who had been doing gymnastics and their tshirts had fallen down when doing handstands .

I can only assume this is to cover up their 9 year old nipples for fear of...........what exactly?

Are the boys to cover their nipples also?

AIBU to be cross about this?

OP posts:
NormaNameChange · 06/02/2019 20:24

I think @NaturalBornWoman has said it all for me...

What is the point of a crop top or bralet other than to cover the nipples? No support, not extra warmth as doesn't cover most of the torso. Just a garment which has been invented to cover the bra area for girls not yet in need of a bra. So why? I'd have been fuming OP if anyone had suggested my prepubescent daughter should cover her body in shame. Fuck that.

I don’t wear a bra whenever I can get away without one. My daughters make their own choices. I can not believe that a teacher thought that comment appropriate under any circumstance. I’d be fuming

ludothedog · 06/02/2019 20:40

I've just had a chat with my skinny muscular 9 year old about her every so small but growing breast buds. She has also just read a book about puberty and the changes that are starting in her body. She now showers more and we're off on Saturday to buy deodorant because, quite frankly, she smells! We have also agreed that on days when she has PE she will wear a crop top/vest.

At 9 she is no longer a young child but is on the cusp of puberty and needs to begin to take more responsibility for her own personal care and safety. Boundaries about bodies are important and getting changed or flashing private parts of your bodies in public is not ok.

This is something they are taught in school and should be reinforced at home. The teacher was quite right to intervene and to say something. I really don't understand why this would not be appropriate.

PrismGuile · 06/02/2019 20:56

@Wallywobbles a C cup 9 yo?? I think not, maybe an AA-A

Original poster
movinonup · 06/02/2019 20:56

Had an email back from the head of school.

She said that a PSA noticed a couple of the girls tops had ridden up and they were pulling them down and that she merely suggested that they might want to wear crop tops in the future.

Obviously this thread has had a mixed response of YABU/YANBU/torn between the two.

I'm still of the opinion that it's not the schools place to make this suggestion and am pissed off that now my daughter thinks she ought to cover up where previously she hadn't given it a second thought.

OP posts:
PrismGuile · 06/02/2019 21:00

Apologies, I see some PPs have said they were a C at nine so apologies for my dismissal.
I have just never seen a 9yo with a C chest, it is large and most girls I knew weren't even a C aged 16.

RiverTam · 06/02/2019 21:14

ludo i find it astounding that any parent of a girl would use the term 'flashing'. Revolting, in fact.

NaturalBornWoman · 06/02/2019 21:19

I find it astounding that any parent of a girl would use the term 'flashing'. Revolting, in fact.

Couldn't agree more. Or that it's in any way the responsibility of a nine year old child to keep themselves 'safe' by making sure their nipples are hidden. Absolutely revolting.

Fazackerley · 06/02/2019 21:22

Sounds like the girls were losing concentration fiddling around with their tops. A crop top sounds like a very sensible suggestion in that case.

Original poster
movinonup · 06/02/2019 21:26

@NaturalBornWoman Couldn't agree more, It has certainly been an eye opener this thread.

OP posts:
ludothedog · 06/02/2019 21:27

revolting? perhaps flashing was the wrong word to use but I think revolting is over the top.

Its really important to talk to your children about body privacy. Why wouldn't you?

JacquesHammer · 06/02/2019 21:35

Sounds like the girls were losing concentration fiddling around with their tops. A crop top sounds like a very sensible suggestion in that case

And adding another layer of clothing is going to stop them fidgetting how?

Aridane · 06/02/2019 21:40

Much ado about nothing

Fazackerley · 06/02/2019 21:57

jaques presumably they were fiddling with their tops trying not to show their nipples

Wallywobbles · 06/02/2019 22:03

@PrismGuile yes a C cup. 85C if I remember correctly. She was at the 50kg mark and had her period so was early but corresponds to the rest. At 12 95DD. She's also finished growing at a very petite 146cm.

SoupDragon · 06/02/2019 22:43

She said that a PSA noticed a couple of the girls tops had ridden up and they were pulling them down and that she merely suggested that they might want to wear crop tops in the future.

That sounds like she suggested it because the girls appeared uncomfortable about the tops riding up, perhaps because they didn't want to show their bare chests. If that is the case, the suggestion is sensible.

Original poster
movinonup · 06/02/2019 23:27

@SoupDragon That could well be the case. I asked DD that very question and she said she didn't feel uncomfortable but she ''Kinda does now''
I've told her its up to her if she feels like she wants to cover up she can but in no way does she have to.

OP posts:
Buttercupsandaisies · 06/02/2019 23:39

My dad started wearing crop tops at age 7 as did most her mates so whilst they absolutely didn’t need them, those of similar age who didn’t wear them did look out of place. It’s when kids start noticing each other’s bodies. They may have no breasts at all but they’re at an age where they start to compare. I wouldn’t want dds chest on show to her classmates at age 9 no way!

Stop being so dfensive against teachers.

Toomuchworking · 07/02/2019 00:06

#freethenipple

This is nuts. Are people seriously suggesting that at 9 years old girls should be pressurised into hiding their prepubescent bodies in case a male child sees a nipple and doesn't quite know how to handle it? Perhaps the issue here is that boys need to be taught not to fear nipples or see them as "naughty". Although I seriously doubt any of the boys cared.
Tops off ladies, they're just nips! Ours are the only useful type after all.

CockleburIck · 07/02/2019 00:38

My dad started wearing crop tops at age 7

Did he indeed? 😂

MulticolourMophead · 07/02/2019 11:44

If the issue is the top riding up, then what good will a crop top be? The top will still ride up, and will still need to be pulled back into place.

Unless they are suggesting the crop top is in place of the pe top?

SoupDragon · 07/02/2019 12:06

If the issue is the top riding up, then what good will a crop top be?

From the update, I think it sounds like the teacher thought the girls were embarrassed at the top riding up as they kept pulling it down so a crop top would stop the embarrassment as they'd be covered up. Some girls are self conscious about nipples so it wasn't a bad suggestion really. Unfortunately the OP's DD wasn't embarrassed but now thinks she should cover up.

RiverTam · 07/02/2019 12:08

yes, the teacher's actions have simply reinforced the idea (or introduced it in the first place) that female nipples are cause for embarrassment, and need to be kept out of sight.

MulticolourMophead · 07/02/2019 12:10

I'm on the side of the OP's DD only covering up when she wants to, not when others decide it's appropriate.

FrancisCrawford · 07/02/2019 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirVixofVixHall · 07/02/2019 12:25

My dd is 11, year 7. She is still totally flat chested and pre puberty, and wears vests or camisoles. She can’t wear crop tops as without any breast tissue there is nothing to stop them riding up.
At 9 I would have also felt annoyed in your situation op. Fair enough a crop top if a girl has breasts already, but a pre-puberty nine year old little girl shouldn’t have to cover up. Mine would still strip naked on the beach to change at 9.

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