To be angry at what their teaching my 5 year old

[BettyBoo246]

So my 5 year old is having a few issues at the moment. All started with seeing beauty and the beast on a school trip, he got petrified at the wolf scene but wasnt taken out of the theatre and made to watch the rest all be it on the teachers knee. This has caused him to have nightmares since then. Last week they had someone in from nspcc talking about stranger danger, again he got scared and wanted to leave assembly. And now this week they are teaching him about in his words ‘weirdos’ on the internet and now he’s having night terrors screaming at night about weirdos
He has always been sensitive and he is the youngest in his class. I’ve called the school this morning and waiting for his teacher to call me back (also to add this teacher is very very young, no children of her own and this is her first year teaching and she can be very patronising)
AIBU??

I'm curious though op, you tell us you taught him not to talk to strangers from three.but then in the next breath tell us he doesn't need to know someone may wish to harm him

What did you tell him as to why she shouldn't talk to strangers?what rationale did you give?

One of the things we have to learn as parents, is when we teach a child something, it's not enough to say don't. We need to explain to them why. Or they don't understand, and it's not ok for them not to understand.

I remember when there was an issue of a man hanging around local school gates so they showed the children an e-fit of a man during the school assembly. My 6 year old had nightmares for weeks because the e-fit! He also got very scared when he was learning about the Tudors in year 1 or 2 and they talked about beheading which really terrified him. Then they went to the Tower of London. To this day (he is 11) he still remembers how scared he was.

When our school run trips they often have to ask again for more helpers as they are struggling so I'm sure it would be difficult to then enlist even more helpers beyond the normal ratios. A friend helped on the summer trip last year and they were not allowed to take any of the children to the toliet as they were not discloser checked so only members of staff could take them to the toliet. I imagine it would be difficult to take a child out of the theatre and run the risk they wouldn't come back in again once you had.

I tell him that strangers are people we just don’t know they may be good they may be bad. And because we don’t know them whilst he is still at this age he shouldn’t go off with them, get in a car with them or talk to them etc unless me or a family member are there with him. I’ve told him if anyone child, adult, teacher, family member make him feel worried/not happy or uncomfortable then he is to tell me.

Maybe I’ve gone completely wrong somewhere.

Some of the posts seem to suggest that him being sensitive is wrong or of my doing? That’s his personality, I like that he’s sensitive, I wouldn’t want him any other way. I also have a 3 year old son who is the complete opposite to ds1 and for him none of this will probably be an issue.
If his teacher cannot appreciate that some are more sensitive than others then that is her problem. He was took out of class yesterday because he got scared by this whole talk of bad people contacting him on his iPad, I’m sure she didn’t quite put it like that but that’s how he heard it and he voiced that to her! No one from the school told me this happened, my ds had to tell me. I should be told about things like that

I don't think it's your or yoir sons fault but I think it is coming across as you saying it's the schools fault which it isn't. I think both you and the school need to work with him at making him less anxious and you should definitely make an appointment to talk about this but you can't go in saying they are doing wrong by having these lessons.

I remember finding it hard when my oldest started school because it is bit like nursery you don't get a wee book with what they had for snack or what they did today. I guess it would be difficult for them to update every parent on every falling out, upset, scraped knee, hurt feelings, naughty behaviour for every child in the class.

The other day I found out my P1 had done something naughty (very mild !) We had a chat about it and how it had been an unkind thing. I did feel a bit sad ? Not the right word that I wasn't told this and foubd out by accident as I felt I wanted to chat to him about it but u completely understand that these things must happen all day and the teacher would spend hours telling all the parents !!

Those are all age appropriate things to teach/discuss with kids. Beauty and the Beast would be deemed age appropriate for that group also.

Not sure what you want, age appropriate stuff excluded because your child can’t cope with it? How is that fair on all the other kids who should be learning/experiencing this? It’s pretty hard for a classroom setting to suddenly gain another pair of hands to remove your DS every 5mins there is something that disturbs him. I also say that as a parent of a kid with ASD who was an outlier. You need to be realistic and the priority should be working on this stuff with your child, not expecting the school to rearrange itself around them.

OP, but bad people CAN contact children via their iPad. The school do have to teach this. And those people will sometimes pretend to be their friends and not make them worried or uncomfortable. So I would imagine the talk was about how "we have to tell our parents whenever this happens in case the person is a bad person", which is exactly the right message to be giving out. You can't have (even primary aged) children not knowing that there are bad people in the world.

They took him out when he got upset, so they are responding to his individual need. I understand why you want to be told things, but equally there isn't time for the teacher to make contact with a parent every time a Y1 child gets upset. They'd have no time left for actual teaching.

@CustardCreamLover me too! I really thought it was just me.

Op, I'm not sure here, you're attritubuting his fear to him being sensitive and telling us you like his being sensitive, but he's more than sensitive, he's a scared little boy. Way more scared than he should be or is normal for his age, I think you can see that based on the other children not being scared like this. So it's not a positive, no.

I am also not sure of your message that strangers may be good or bad. Because this tells him they may be good, it's like your are fudging it.

I do have sympathy because I think you've come at at this from good intentions, but your cotton wool approach as done him a disservice. It would be another mistake to go to war with the teacher or blame her, or even insult her as you are doing on here, whatever has led to your child's predicament, be it nature or nurture, it's not her fault. Trying to work with her to help your son is the way forward here. He's what's important , not attributing blame.

The NSPCC assembly is not about stranger danger. It is about telling a grown up you trust if you are feeling unhappy.

OP those teachings are part of the curriculum and happen in every schools. Whilst being scared is normal your child's level of anxiety as you describe it, isn't . Has he seen a psychologist?

Actually I think you have every concern to go to the school. Your child is young, not all of us allow our kids to watch Disney movies all the time as some are quite sinister!
You know his boundaries, I think teaching about stranger danger is important but in the right way (these things should always be started at home by a parent in a safe way).
I would simply ask which material was used to teach it so you can see for yourself what was said and then go home and explain it again to him in a clear way that tackles any of his unreasonable fears. Similarly for the internet stuff, just go over it again with him in a calm manor. If you are strict on internet usage (mine doesn't even know what the internet is yet!) then explain he will be safe as long as he is open and honest with you (or something like that).

This isn't to do with him being sensitive this is about him being absolutely terrified of everything

He is BasilFaulty

You have no business whatsoever to know anything about complaints about teachers or support offered to them.

Her age and whether she has children isn't relevant either. She's qualified and trained.

Perhaps you need to put it to the school in the context of asking what other topics they are covering and how - sex ed, healthy eating/exercise, fire drills etc - so you can prepare and support him more effectively. Agree with pp that this level of anxiety and extreme reaction goes beyond the norm and I wonder if your attitude is inadvertently feeding it.

I haven't read the full thread yet but can already tell YABVU. It's actually making my blood boil, mainly for your shitty comments about the NQT.

You told her to remove him from anything he "might not like". Can you hear yourself? If this is how your attitude is going to be throughout his school life, I'd consider home education as school clearly won't be a suitable environment for your PFB.

If I were you, I'd have concerns about his resilience and emotional intelligence. I've taught 5 year olds for many years and I can't think of one that would have problems with age appropriate topics as you've described.

It's imperative that children know about the dangers of the Internet from this age, they're using it daily in school and often at home. It's also imperative that they know about inappropriate behaviour of others. I think you need to have a word with yourself.

I have sympathy with your child being very sensitive and that you and he have found these incidents upsetting. However, as PPs have said- going to a pantomime, learning about internet safety etc - these are not strange things for children his age to be doing. Also, trips need permission slips- you knew he was going. If he’s usually scared of fairy tales, maybe you should have prepared him for it and reminded him it’s a story- or spoken to teacher and asked if you could accompany the class as an extra helper.
Special assemblies at lots of schools are included in newsletters/calendars- if they aren’t at your school, ask to be notified of visitor assemblies- so you can prep your child if you really feel it is necessary. If you really are worried about PSHE content, ask if you can be told what your child will Be learning about (teacher will have a list of topics), so you can do it your own research and talk to son if you really feel it is necessary.
Please please don’t try to turn this into your child’s teacher being a problem. She comforted your child. She is following national guidance and teaching internet safety. Write to the department of education if you have a problem with how schools are run, don’t take it out on a young teacher who sounds like she has done nothing out of the ordinary.

I wonder if your attitude is inadvertently feeding it

Sadly, if the op doesn't manage to control her reactions when speaking to thr school, I suspect this is exactly what they are going to think

Op, your question of why does he have to know someone might want to touch his penis, is not just very telling but one of the most naive things I've ever read on here. Every parent should know that their kid needs to be taught that what's in their pants is private and if anyone touches them there it is a bad thing and they need to tell immediately. You were also overly dramatic and lashing out. Accusing the school of teaching them about the mindset of paedophiles.

The fact you struggle like this, is concerning and if demonstrated to the teacher or school they will likely think this is a nurture problem and not a nature one. Where that leaves them I don't know, but I'd guess they may have come across it before.

Then I suggest you talk to the school and try and work with them - so far they have done nothing wrong but if he is that sensitive I suggest you work with them

Agree with previous posters - that sounds a bit more than sensitive, he sounds very anxious. And I also agree that the topic is very appropriate, you have to start young or it could be too late. You say you’ve spoken to the GP about night terrors - have you mentioned the general anxiety?

Physically shaking and screaming the place down at a panto, at five years old, is not normal behaviour. You need to speak to your GP.

You also need to wise up with your attitude towards the teacher. The content will be age appropriate.

I feel for the children in countries like Syria who have bombs going off all around them, or in the States where they have shooter drills every day. Now they're scary, yet you probably don't see the parents kicking off about them.

OP The reason that schools have to teach these things is that parents like you won't. Then you complain that your child is scared by what he is being told. The reason he is scared is that he is hearing much of this for the first time as a 5 year old. The reason other children may be able to handle this information better is that they have been introduced to it at a much younger age so that it becomes the norm.
I feel sorry for your kid, you seem quite happy for him to ignorant of things that could in fact harm him. By not educating him about these things you are denying him the resources he needs in order to stay safe. You are really doing him no favours in the long run.

OP this is not the school nor the teacher;s fault. I cannot believe as a parent of a young child you disagree with him being taught about sexual abuse. Have you seen the news stories and are you really that precious that he can't hear the word "penis"? The real problem here is a combination of his anxiety, you and your expectations of the school.
His anxiety needs to be seriously considered if he is getting that terrified and I'm afraid to say that as his parent it is YOUR responsibility to deal with that using various mental health channels available. You seem to be wanting his shielded away form things that make him anxious but that is only going to make things worse.
The school have to teach these lessons and honestly, I'm very happy to see them teaching it so young-- everything mentioned IMO is age appropriate. This day and age kids are surrounded by technology that its far too easy for predators to get involved- again as a parent you should be caring more about his safety than is coming across in your posts... Also, this is not the school's or the teachers fault so stop making ill judgments of the teacher based on her not having kids, that is quite offensive. You really cant expect school lessons to cater around just your son, they have a responsibility to teach to the whole class .

You are mollycoddling and need to stop doing it and instead look to seek support for you son and stop blaming the school. Please, allow him to keep having these lessons, its for his own safety. And push to get a meeting with the school to ask for support regarding his anxiety but good god do not go in there with the attitude you are displaying on this thread!

A 5 year old has his own iPad - and you haven't taught him internet safety and stranger danger?! Now I'm seriously thinking the school need to be doing the job that you plainly haven't.