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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at what their teaching my 5 year old

422 replies

BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 09:23

So my 5 year old is having a few issues at the moment. All started with seeing beauty and the beast on a school trip, he got petrified at the wolf scene but wasnt taken out of the theatre and made to watch the rest all be it on the teachers knee. This has caused him to have nightmares since then. Last week they had someone in from nspcc talking about stranger danger, again he got scared and wanted to leave assembly. And now this week they are teaching him about in his words ‘weirdos’ on the internet and now he’s having night terrors screaming at night about weirdos AngrySad
He has always been sensitive and he is the youngest in his class. I’ve called the school this morning and waiting for his teacher to call me back (also to add this teacher is very very young, no children of her own and this is her first year teaching and she can be very patronising)
AIBU??

OP posts:
RomanyRoots · 06/02/2019 16:14

I'm now wondering if you and some of the parents have some type of vendetta against the teacher because she's new and not a parent herself

I'm wondering something similar, usually if there's one of those parents, some nice soul will advise they give their head a wobble.
In this case they all sound like Stepford wives, poor kids.

notfromstepford · 06/02/2019 16:19

YABVU to be angry.
They teach stranger danger at nursery - my youngest is 2 and knows about it.
At 5 when he's at school and away from you - you should have already have been taught about stranger danger and internet safety, no matter how infrequently he uses the internet.
None of this should come as a surprise to a 5 year old - he should have heard it from you already and this would just be reinforcing the importance of it.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 06/02/2019 16:26

I think we need to accept that some children are more sensitive than others, and not treat it as a character defect or moral failing. (Especially with boys; I’m suspicious that a dd would have got more sympathy than a ds in this scenario.)
If something he has watched at school has given him nightmares for weeks, then it wasn’t appropriate for him, regardless of whether the other children were fine with it. School need to work with you (as you have requested) to make sure the content is taught in a way that doesn’t upset him.
Pantomimes are quite common in terms of kids freaking out. I know in a few cases the mum has accompanied the class, and removed their own child as necessary, which has worked for them.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 06/02/2019 16:26

The topics (online safety, stranger danger) are part of the government's mandated reception/foundation stage curriculum. Most state schools follow it, including ours. You are being unreasonable about that.

Specific handling of complaints and your child getting hurt repeatedly ... that you need to take up with someone higher up if you are not getting an acceptable response from the teacher.

It also sounds like parenting classes wouldn't be a bad idea, frankly, if you don't know how to help your children become more resilience. I'm frankly astounded at the increasing number of children who lack any and all resilience in reception ... but then I meet their parents and it all makes sense. I suspect you are one of those parents.

theworldistoosmall · 06/02/2019 16:29

Op so if at 5 you think he is too young to be told that his privates shouldn't be touched, when do you think is the right age?
You do realise that some subjects have to be taught about at an early age? And that the lessons you are describing will be taught throughout primary to get the message across? That because the schools are teaching about abuse, this will hopefully encourage those abused kids to speak out?
That they are taught about body changes and sex from an early age to help stop some of the daft shit kids come out with because they have been misinformed elsewhere.
Do you understand that if you pull him out of anything you deem too much for him, he will be given misinformation from his peers? Which can be even more damaging for him?

All the things you have described as too much for him in the lessons he should have already been aware of? It's your job as the parent to educate him about his personal safety and for schools to reinforce this, and also teach it to kids like your own who haven't been informed of this because their parents believe he is too young.

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 16:31

AWish
Elaborate then? One of what parents?
You seem to know how I can help ds with resilience but not actually saying how so please I’m asking how?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 06/02/2019 16:32

Ok, this isn't good.

Concerns with a teacher need to be addressed with the head, they need to be separated out from your child's behavioural issues.

My daughter is 21. I never had a teacher call me ever. I never ever asked for one to call me. I would have seen it as my role to go there and discuss with the teacher if i had concerns. You seem to be thinking school is akin to a nanny service, this is not how it works.

And yes at four and five a bit of rough and tumble is the norm, if you're trying to indicate you feel your child is bullied, then speak to the head. If this is just a couple of instances of rough play and nothing further then you are back into your over protective mode, and itnwoild seem more likely that this need in you is possibly not helping your child.

Honestly I would take some time to think if there is a link between your extreme over protection and your child's fears of everything.

Quartz2208 · 06/02/2019 16:35

There are competiting issues going on you seem to be putting together

  1. The fact the teacher is not (in your opinion) addressing the bullying: talk to her about this and if you feel she isnt handling it to the phase leader/year leader

  2. Your issues with the curriculum - Safer Internet Day/Theatre productions are part and parcel of primary school curriculum. The teacher sitting him on their lap - completely correct and normal way of handling it. Here YABVU

  3. Your sons anxieties and sensitivies - these need looking at and explored both with the school and maybe with professional involvement

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 16:38

I’ve not said I want him took out of lessons on here or to his teacher.
I told her a few weeks ago he is having a few issues at the minute with his anxieties and is worrying over ‘silly’ things and it’s causing him to have nightmares and terrors so could she just please bare this is mind and if it would help me if I could tell him today you’ll have a visit from the nspcc or today is about internet safety or today is about fire safety or anything that might set off his anxieties. It helps him prepare for situations if he is prewarned. I don’t expect to receive this treatment from the teacher forever no and I don’t expect he will need it either but I was just asking for the extra help/heads up whilst he was going through a difficult time at the minute

OP posts:
theworldistoosmall · 06/02/2019 16:45

She probably didn't think to call you for these things that set off his anxieties because well, he should already be aware of them. It shouldn't be new info for him.

RolyRocks · 06/02/2019 16:46

kitty come again?

I think she means that your update was a pretty big drip feed, OP. One that does not bare any link to the issue at hand: 3 very common themes to be taught to 5 year olds and ones that your DS is struggling with. Not the teacher’s fault and not something to be angry or concerned about. However, it is something you need to help work with your DS.

You’ve been given some tips on this thread on how to deal with this and I would try them out.

Your update regarding the teacher is an entirely different issue, although one, I feel, spurred on by playground parent gossip.

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2019 16:54

Op, do you work? Has your son been to nursery etc? How long ago did he start school? Was it last sept or the one before?

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 16:57

Yes I work, currently on maternity leave though.
Ds is in Y1 so second year at school and was in playgroup before this since 2 years old

OP posts:
TheShuttle · 06/02/2019 17:01

You have my sympathies op. I also have a highly sensitive child who responds very badly to frightening films / theatre productions etc. My child, not a PFB btw, has been subjected to various films & theatre productions at school that were intended for much older children and we all pay the price in weeks of nightmares.

I don't think many people, including some teachers, understand just how sensitive some children are. People in general seem de-sensitised to many things, which doesn't help.

It does get better as they get older, probably because they get better at looking away.

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2019 17:03

Hmm, ok, I was hoping it was the newness of it.

So you are pregnant or have a new baby? So three kids? Could he be reacting to a change in circumstances at home and it's showing this way?

SaveKevin · 06/02/2019 17:05

But why the hell should he know why a stranger wouldn’t want to touch his penis??
Because some of his classmates but be going through that at home and they don’t know it shouldn’t be happening.

Yes I did some work with mine pre school doing it. But if I’m honest it’s so much better for schools to handle it. Not every child has open and honest parents who can talk about it. So it’s absolutely great that school step in and cover it too. The pants videos are bloody brilliant.

I have a sensitive one and it was and is hard Flowers but honestly he needs to know these things with reassurances from you.

PengAly · 06/02/2019 17:05

@BettyBoo246 of you cant expect the teacher to give you a heads up of certain subjects she thinks may upset him! How would she know they would upset hom? And she has a whole class to teach so shouldnt be expected to dedicate time to help parent YOUR child and frankly also you. Ive already mentioned this in one of my earlier posts but a lot of advise on this thread you seem to be ignoring

titchy · 06/02/2019 17:05

In all honesty do I want him to know about inappropriate touching at 5, absolutely not.

Then you're an utter fool.

But why the hell should he know why a stranger wouldn’t want to touch his penis????

But if the friendly shopkeeper/ friend's dad/ insert known person here did he wouldn't know that was wrong.

Dieu · 06/02/2019 17:06

Blimey. I wonder how it could possibly be that your son is so sensitive Hmm

PengAly · 06/02/2019 17:10

I don't think many people, including some teachers, understand just how sensitive some children are

This isnt really helpful tbh. I expect teachers do understand sensitive children but likewise parents dont seem to understand that a teacher has an entire class to think about and they cant just cater every lesson to each individual child or contact parents with a pre warning- how is that ever going to practical or logical? Also please remember that these subjects are not the teachers choosing, they are the curriculum that the teachers are TOLD to teach.

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 17:11

Yes I have a 12 week old dd.
I did/do think that it’s contributing to his anxieties yes but I didn’t think it could be just that to this extent?

OP posts:
PengAly · 06/02/2019 17:16

Op why dont you have a read over the many various responses you have got on here and take on some of that advise. You really seem to only be responding to certain things. Nobody can give you a quick fix solution but some good advice and opinions have been mentioned that you really should consider.

TheShuttle · 06/02/2019 17:18

Peng, my problem has been showing a 6 year old a 12 + film. Similar experience in the theatre with a play that was officially aimed at older children. I think this is incredibly lazy planning and teaching.

I would never object to the curriculum as such but there are ways and means to put across content whilst taking into account the needs of your pupils.

Tink88 · 06/02/2019 17:20

Have you thought of attending some parent classes at your local children’s centre from reading your posts I really think you might benefit. I’m horrified there’s parents who don’t want to teach their children about being safe.

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2019 17:28

Op, from your timings though, the change in his behaviour is linked to the arrival of a new baby,

Could he be feeling left out, that possibly some of this is attention seeking? That a drop of attention against him is leaving him anxious, a new baby changes a home environment a lot, and yes it could be he is strongly reacting to the change in his home circumstances.

Do you focus on giving him time with just you? Make him feel included? That's he is not pushed out or replaced?