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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at what their teaching my 5 year old

422 replies

BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 09:23

So my 5 year old is having a few issues at the moment. All started with seeing beauty and the beast on a school trip, he got petrified at the wolf scene but wasnt taken out of the theatre and made to watch the rest all be it on the teachers knee. This has caused him to have nightmares since then. Last week they had someone in from nspcc talking about stranger danger, again he got scared and wanted to leave assembly. And now this week they are teaching him about in his words ‘weirdos’ on the internet and now he’s having night terrors screaming at night about weirdos AngrySad
He has always been sensitive and he is the youngest in his class. I’ve called the school this morning and waiting for his teacher to call me back (also to add this teacher is very very young, no children of her own and this is her first year teaching and she can be very patronising)
AIBU??

OP posts:
lifetothefull · 06/02/2019 14:41

Some children do get worried by internet safety. It doesn't matter how well the teacher covers it. I think it's a good idea to talk to him about how you use internet in your home and what you have done to keep him safe. It will be different from other children. Maybe liken it to a road that would be dangerous if he walked into it by himself without looking, but is safe to cross when holding your hand. As he grows up he will be able to cross it by himself using the rules you have given him. As he grows up he will be able to use the internet by himself using the guidlines you give him.
5 is a bit young to be thinking about it, but I bet there are already children in your son's class playing games on internet using their real name.

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 14:42

My criticism of her stands I’m afraid. Around 3 months ago ds was being picked on by another child. I asked her about this 3 times and told her ds has told me he is being hit, kicked etc. She told me there is no issue but will speak to his parents, I checked with the child’s parents and she hadn’t spoken to them at all, 2 days later ds comes out of school with huge cut on his face, teacher tells me he fell over, however one of the mums who is a lunch time supervisor told me this boy had threw my ds on to the floor on purpose. I then asked the teacher about it again and her response were boys will be boys and do play rough!
3 weeks in to ds’s nightmares I called the school and asked them if the teacher could call me to just to see if she had seen a change in his behaviour, still waiting for that call.
Again ds came home around a month ago with graze on his face teacher tells me he fell over. A mum comes over to me and apologised and says her son did it to him and she told the teacher to tell me her son was sorry, teacher didn’t tell me any of this.
I was stood outside of the classroom one day waiting for ds with a few other mums as it was Xmas fair. We all heard her talking to the children like they were shit, she wouldn’t repeat something as a child hadn’t heard her and basically said it’s not my fault you can’t understand is it!
I talk to the other mums they have told me the have issues with her and have complained. I spoke to the head with my concerns and was told said teacher is going to be getting more support in the classroom.
So yes I stand by my criticism of her. I do however know it’s not her fault my son is behaving like this

OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 06/02/2019 14:43

Well a pp mentioned the cat - I still remember - & I am in my fifties - the cat talking about Dave swimming , getting accidentally locked in a fridge & I still think about it to this day - the doll who got her hair caught in an escalator. But that was many years ago and I things have moved on. These things were on the television - public information films Grin ( I suspect most are too young to remember these ) . I think sensible discussion about the internet is wise as long as not too scary - Not getting into cars etc with strangers is sensible without being over dramatic , or trying to get through the level crossing before the train comes. I hate to say it but are they not just life lessons. In my day it was don't play on the railway - don't muck about on escalators - we had no internet but it was do not go anywhere with a stranger, do not swim out of your depth. I am sorry your child is worrying OP but children do need to be taught sensible precautions ( and I mean sensible ) there is not a bad person hiding behind every tree.

BasiliskStare · 06/02/2019 14:44

Ah cross post - I was talking about a teacher giving children sensible advice - I can't comment on that particular teacher

beanii · 06/02/2019 14:46

@BettyBoo246 If you genuinely have a problem with the teacher you will have to see the head or governors not keep whinging with other mums.

KittyVonCatsington · 06/02/2019 14:48

Drip Drip Drip, OP

Wolfiefan · 06/02/2019 14:50

So your criticism isn’t relevant? So why criticise her?
She’s not to blame for your child’s distress.

Jeanclaudejackety · 06/02/2019 14:50

Your son will live his life terrified of everything if you continue to shelter him so much

RomanyRoots · 06/02/2019 14:52

OP, I've never had a teacher call me yet unless they had some reason to. can you imagine if we all asked for teachers to call us.
Go to school and make an appointment like we all have to do.
You do sound a bit entitled tbh.
If you don't like school, you have a right to deregister and H.ed.
I can't see as the teacher has done anything wrong really.

Racecardriver · 06/02/2019 14:54

YABVU. These are normal (good even) things to teach children that age. By all means raise concerns because your child is sensitive and maybe discuss ways you can help him become more resilient. But don’t approach the teacher in an acusatoru manner. Your child is unusually sensitive. Not having been forewarned it would be unreasonable to expect her to cater to that.?

PengAly · 06/02/2019 14:55

@BettyBoo246 if you have such a problem with the teacher than you should speak to the head formally, like a responsible parent should do, not whinge, moan and gossip to other mums- that's petty and immature behaviour and honestly just makes the situation worse.

Her young age and lack of having her own children is not the reason for whether or not she is a bad teacher. Making these assumptions and judgments is very hurtful and in poor taste. You should really think about what you say. Imagine all the young, childless teachers on Mumsnet- according to you they wouldn't make good teachers? Let alone if any of them were unfortunate enough to want but not be able to have their own kids!

CosyToast · 06/02/2019 14:55

Again, you're now giving specifics about why you don't like the teacher, and if all that's true, that's fine. You don't need to prove it to us that she's a terrible teacher, if you think she is, you can talk to her or the school about it.
What people are calling you up on is your original suggestion that she's a bad teacher because she's new, young and childless. People have explained why that's offensive. If she's a bad teacher, she's a bad teacher, I believe you, unfortunately there are some, nobody is perfect. However, she's not a bad teacher because she is new, young or childless. I've been all of these things, I've also been consistently rated outstanding.

lifetothefull · 06/02/2019 15:01

It sounds like the teacher is struggling in her first year of teaching.

AngelaHodgeson · 06/02/2019 15:06

OP, I think you have allowed your dislike of the teacher to colour your reaction here - which is totally normal even though it is probably unhelpful in this situation!

It is a difficult balance because nobody wants their DC to be afraid of everything, but a little fear is good - it helps keep them away from dangerous situations. I'd start talking though safety stuff you do every day in a "just in case" way with him. So, we wait for the green man "so we don't get run over", we don't touch hot cups of tea "in case we get burnt". Let him know that taking safety precautions is a normal part of every day life to help keep him safe.

Original poster
BettyBoo246 · 06/02/2019 15:12

kitty come again?

OP posts:
notacooldad · 06/02/2019 15:16

fetothefull
It sounds like the teacher is struggling in her first year of teaching
That may or or not be so but it is irrelevant to the Ops initial complaint.
All these other things are just add ons,or as we call them on MN, a drip feed.
They are separate from the issue and if the OP was really concerned a formal complaint would have been submitted as she wasn't happy with the talk with the head.There has been no mention of that, just the gossip with other mums.

If all these things are happening to your lad and his anxiety is so bad why on earth have you not pursued the complaint Op instead of moaning about the curriculum?

Teapot13 · 06/02/2019 15:18

Not the main point of thread but the relatively new, live action Disney Beauty and the Beast film was rated PG (parental guidance) in the US. I took my little girl (maybe 7) and she was terrified. I felt stupid because I know what PG means, I just couldn't imagine how that film would have that rating. I appreciate the UK has a different rating system but I would be livid if the school showed that film to my 5-year-old. Totally inappropriate.

derxa · 06/02/2019 15:23

If your DS is injured at school then the usual procedure is to give you notification in paper form and this incident and treatment is recorded at school.

TulipsAndClogsGalore · 06/02/2019 15:26

TBH I think you may be fuelling your child's anxiety with your own concerns?

lilyheather1 · 06/02/2019 15:30

I really don't think it's the teachers responsibility to guess what might or might not upset your son in the curriculum and to call you each time there might be a sensitive subject. Teachers are overstretched as it is, I doubt they have time to call parents and make sure what they are teaching is ok by each individual child...

Besides, it's not her curriculum, it's state issued.

derxa · 06/02/2019 15:34

I spoke to the head with my concerns and was told said teacher is going to be getting more support in the classroom. HT would never say this.

PengAly · 06/02/2019 15:36

OP do you expect the teacher to be running the curriculum by every single parent in the class before doing the lesson to ensure nothing will upset a child? I assume you will say "of course not!" than can you understand why this isn't the teacher's fault? Your complaints about her may or may not be valid but they are irrelevant to this situation. You seem to want the school the shield you son but they cant and shouldn't do that. Education sector is already stretched as it is, they cant cater lessons to each child!

Maddy70 · 06/02/2019 15:44

Honestly I think you are the issue here. He is clearly sensitive and over anxious but your post reads as if you might be too. Why would he be removed? The teacher sat him on her knee. Perfect response.
They have to be taught certain things as they are on the curriculum. You seem to be over reacting and this will transfer to your child

theworldistoosmall · 06/02/2019 16:05

I'm now wondering if you and some of the parents have some type of vendetta against the teacher because she's new and not a parent herself. Some of the best teachers I have worked with don't have children.
The lunchtime thing. The teacher won't have been there to witness the incident. She was probably told that the boys were play fighting.
The trip not only would you have had to give consent about it, but surely you knew the story to begin with.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 06/02/2019 16:11

Your problem with the teacher is that you want her to mother your DS like you would if you were there. In fact it would appear that you want her to mother you as well. But she's his teacher not his surrogate mother.

Is this his first year at school? You say he's 5 and the youngest in the class so I guess you're not in England/Wales or he would have been through reception already and now be in Y1?