To be annoyed at the 'breastfeeding loses weight' lie

[Bibijayne]

Baby boy is nearly six months. EBF.

I have not lost a single pound. Actually, possibly worse. I have no idea how much I lost giving birth but since he was 2 weeks old to now, I weigh exactly the same as the day my waters broke (aka same weight as avec baby bump!!!!)

I hate how I look. But nothing seems to work, and whilst I could technically do more to shift weight I have no time/ money/ anything.

I was overweight before getting pregnant. Put on 10kg. Then got lots of pregnancy complications and lost that weight. But I look awful. So, so awful. I hate my postpartum body.

Which is why everyone (including midwives in the hospital after I have birth, including the health visitor) telling me that the weight would melt off breastfeeding is really annoying.

I would certainly have still breastfed, even though it isn't easy and I had a hospital stay in the early weeks with mastitis.

But seriously?

Baby boy isn't too bad and night, but feeds a lot during the day. He had really bad reflux but would feed to make it feel better - so his weight gain is good so I was offered no help with it. This meant I never had time to cook/ meal prep as at one point he wouldn't go more than 45 mins without wanting to eat in the day.

Turns out he has CMPA which has started to improve now I'm dairy free. But recently noticed he's also reacting to soya. So another food binned.

This drastically limits what I can eat. And leads to having to go back for yet another expensive supermarket shop to find foods I can eat.

But none seems easy to prep - and healthy.

I want to go to the gym. But 1.5 hours without food is too much for him and he ends up besides himself (one hour session, gym 15 mins away). I'd signed him and DH up to a shirt swim class on Sundays, but now I have to take him because he gets really hungry afterwards.

He refuses to drink expressed milk.

I am two stone overweight. I desperately want to be healthier and actually want to look at myself in the mirror.

I also don't want to give up breastfeeding - baby boy loves it, and I enjoy the bonding time - I also think he'd starve himself.

And I still get people talking me to just wait a bit, it'll all melt away if I keep breastfeeding.

And it's bollocks.

Sports bra - I feel your pain but I am managing my monster boobs for running (fill med thunder Molke) with a 34K nursing bra, molke (small thunder) and a compression base layer. Is ok for 30 -40 minutes 5k... layering has always been necessary for me - bit worried when it gets warmer but fine for winter!

I lost a huge amount of weight bf my ds with cmpa but I did walk him out in the pram a lot and I was fairly active ( I can’t sit still).
I had to get good at quick meals without dairy and you can get dairy free curry sauce with microwave rice, most Mexican dinner kits are dairy free, pasta with tomato sauce. I switched to using frozen veg which gave me time to make the dairy free mash or whatever we were eating. Made my own cake with vitalite, I stopped eating chocolate because I’m not keen in the dairy free stuff. Betty Crocker does a dairy free brownie mix. I eat a lot of fruit sometimes tinned. I also eat huge amounts of toast ( still bf) but I put pate or home made guacamole on it not jam.
I will start making dinner in the morning for example chopping the meat and leaving it ready in the fridge. I try and eat leftovers from the night before for lunch and I eat regularly throughout the day and I aim to eat filling slow release energy food not empty calories such as crisps, sweets or soft drinks.
Possibly it boils down to metabolism though and finding what works for you.

To add mine is a non sleeper hence why I’m awake now and it’s very difficult
Put vanilla essence in the allergy formula and some sugar. I put 1/2 a teaspoon in 60 ml when they start to take it cut the sugar out gradually ( if people flame me I was desperate and desperate times call for desperate measures). I still put plenty of vanilla essence in. Try a cup in of a bottle and you may have to try a few different ones. I found the IKEA one best. Get someone else to give the milk.

Wow, Bibi I feel shattered just reading your post. From what you list it doesn’t look like you’re eating enough? Maybe your baby is hungry, hence feeding so much. You must be exhausted!
Do you have a slo cooker? Pretty quick and easy to get a bolognese or a chilli on the go first thing...probs lots leftover for the freezer too.
Have you had your bloods done recently? Might be worth getting your thyroid checked...
The good news is, that it shouldn’t last much longer. Your baby will be on solids soon enough. Well done for sticking with it. Good luck 😉

You need to sort out your life, which breastfeeding has taken over. Your son is 6 months old, and you haven't spend more than 1.5 hours away from him? He clusterfeeds for four hours every evening? At 6 months? What kind of martyrdom is this? Parenting really isn't supposed to be like that.

Hi, I think it varies by person. I’ve quickly lost all my baby weight and then some while breastfeeding, despite biscuits becoming a staple in my diet. I’m eating huge amounts because breastfeeding has made me ravenous, but still lost all the weight. That’s my genes though and I wouldn’t beat yourself up about the weight.

But I know what you mean about having limited time to cook. It can be tough. I’ve found the slow cooker is a godsend. I skipped steps like browning and just throw all the ingredients in together.

Yesterday for example I quickly chopped carrot, celery, onion and mushrooms and put into the slow cooker with lamb mince. Added some stock, Worcester sause and tomato purée and left it cooking for hours. The actual chopping etc took 10 mins max. Later, put some potatoes on to boil. And put in the oven to make a Shepard’s pie, but could easily have served it without doing that. It was delicious by the way, despite very limited effort while the baby was in her rocker (she only stays there for short amounts of time).

I’m basically cooking everything I can in the slowcooker now, because it means the dishes doesn’t require much stirring or looking after while in there. Other things I do in the slowcooker include: stews, beef curries, vegetarian curries, chicken and butternut squash, spag bolg, Cajun chicken, pork ribs, sauces for pasta etc etc.

Good luck!

Thank you! There's some great ideas here! Will definitely try some out.

DH is pretty good at most stuff and usually deals with laundry, washing up, general tidying and housework.

He is alas a pretty useless cook, he works well under supervision. But that means I have to be there talking him through the stuff. Cooking together can be fun - I just think I'm a bit physically and mentally drained at the moment. We had to move baby boy (and thus me too) into his own room recently. He sleeps really well, but is getting too big for the Moses basket and certainly too mobile. We had a pack n play set up in our room, but there's a draft we can't seem to stop (older house) that is just about his head level in our bedroom.

The downside is, less cuddles with DH. And the day bed in the nursery is super uncomfortable. Which is why I'm on MN instead of sleeping. :/

DH's gran also passed away last week, so I'm trying (and likely failing!) to cut him a little slack and a bit of understanding.

But I think there's some great practical ideas we can put into action!

I can't help with the breastfeeding as I formula feed. My DD is exactly the same age though (to the day). I was very lucky that I lost all of my baby weight within 6 weeks - I was terrified I wouldn't lose the weight because the weight loss aspect of BF had been really drummed into me. I expect they think that's a way that will encourage women to sign up to it!

I'm surprised that he will only go 45 minutes without feeding - my DD was like that as a newborn and it was exhausting. To make it easier I worked out where every coffee shop was and how long it would take to get there by walking. We walked numerous km per day and drank a lot of coffee. Be careful though as drinks carry a lot of calories - luckily I enjoy an Americano and have enough willpower not to order cake. It will be easier once it warms up again as it's easier to just stop anywhere rather than needing somewhere indoors.

Do you have a high chair yet? We've had ours a while and DD is really happy to sit in it with some toys while I get on with stuff in the kitchen. She also loves her baby gym, jumperoo and bouncy chair and will spend approx 20 minutes in each so if I rotate her around them I can get an hour to do stuff. It's also ok to put the TV on occasionally if you desperately need to do something.

Have you tried different bottles? Some babies can be fussy. My DD loves the Tommee Tippee ones that are supposed to be the closest to breast feeding (yet completely refused to breast feed - work that one out). I hated the MAM ones but they're very popular. Also, have you tried your partner giving the bottle with you out of the house so the baby knows breastfeeding is not an option? If he really won't take a bottle could you try one of the baby cups - I know some are from 4 months. I don't know if they're recommended for milk but it might be worth looking into to give you some flexibility. The other thing with bottle feeding is to check the temperature of the milk - my DD refuses her bottle sometimes and it's usually because it's not warm enough (if I've used ready made formula and not warmed it sufficiently).

Also, I'm going to get my thyroid checked! It was okay during pregnancy and afterwards - I didn't know it could play up later. My maternal grandma had loads of thyroid problems in her 30s and 40s, so it might be worth investigating.

A 9 month old should Be able to sit in a high chair whilst you do some cooking

Breastfeeding is all well and good but not at the detriment of the mother. Time to get him on a bottle and stretch feeding times. Feeding every 45 minutes at 9 months? Our DS was on solids and bottle morning and night by that age.

Several issues here.

1. Aggressive let down and not emptying the breast at each feed. If you have oversupply, LO will be getting more foremilk and less of the fattier hindmilk. Try block feeding. Feed from 1 side only, then at the next feed again from that side only. Next 2 feeds do the other side. Once supply has calmed down, give 1 side and alternate each feed. I had oversupply and this fixed the LO "snacking" i.e. frequent feeding.

1. You dislike your body after pregnancy. Yes your tummy is wobbly. It's normal! Celebs and magazines don't show real women's bodies. Go down the local swimming pool and have a look! You might feel better about yourself.

1. Losing weight while bf - not a thing. I gained 3st over post baby weight. Couldn't shift it. Figured my body was probably hanging on to the extra fat to supplement my boobs! Then when I stopped bf, the weight practically fell off over about 6 months without me doing anything.

It sounds like it's not weight you're trying to lose though. You want your flat tummy back. That can be achieved with a core workout. Can't be achieved with food intake! Please don't skip meals or starve yourself.

I think breast feeding might help with a pound or two but it’s been massively oversold as a weight loss tool. An hour’s walk a day will do far more to help you drop the pounds.

The very regular feeding is often a comfort thing with reflux and cmpa. They’re in pain sucking gives comfort so they feed which before you realise milk is causing the pain makes them suck more to relieve the pain from the last feed and you are stuck in this cycle which is very hard to break
The good news when it comes to weaning is there are loads of dairy and soya free jars and pouches available
Do they have a dummy as this can help a bit.

Hi op! I'm so with you. 5mo here and I weigh the same (there abouts) as I did the day I went to hospital to have him. My ds is also a very regular muncher and short napper. It's so hard to fit in exercise. And by so hard I mean impossible. Meal choices although not unhealthy they could be better but I'm in a rush against the clock. I, too expected the weight to melt off and feel a little hard done by as hate my body and feel very uncomfortable.

@BlitheringIdiots he's not quite 6 months... Not 9 months.

He sleeps through the night, but he doesn't sleep much in the day so snacks fairly often.

He does not take a bottle. It's not a case of not being offered one. He doesn't take one. He will starve himself rather than take a bottle. I'd really rather he doesn't do that.

We have a high chair. He's happy in it for up to ten minutes. But then he gets bored.

I'm going to follow another roosters suggestion of maybe roasting him between different play stations. So ten minutes jumperoo, ten minutes play pen with his sensory toys etc.

Sorry mis read age whoops

Poor you though. It's hard in the first year when you have to cope with this :-(.

Hope you find a way

I did, and put it back on again when I stopped.

@Newyearnewunicorn

That makes sense. I think that's what he did and it's continued. He is much happier in general, but he likes to comfort nurse as well as eat.

Another roosters also.mentioend the oversupply might be causing him to get too much of the foremilk in the day. That seems likely to me. He cluster feeds before going down for the night and is clearly getting all the fatty stuff before bed but no so much in the day. I'm going to. Investigate block feeding to see if that will help him :)

It's a long term weight loss. Your body will hold fat stores for feeding but you should loose this when you're finished.

I mix fed dc1 and ebf dc2 for 6 months. Didn't lose an ounce despite eating healthily and being active. Once I stopped bf I started losing weight without changing anything. Both of mine are bad sleepers- lack of sleep messes up your mind and your body IMO.

It’s not really true

The best thing you can do is start to do floor exercises for your core , easily done just get a yoga mat from TK max

Then start looking at getting your steps and exercise in when you can

Lastly find a diet that works for you . I did plant based mainly as means I can fill up and don’t really eat fish and meat so much

Remember that most of Weight loss is diet , 80%

Don’t kid yourself you need to spend money and time . Fit exercise into the routine and plan a healthier diet that you actually like

OP's baby is six months not nine months. And what nonsense that it's time to get him on a bottle. Many babies all over the world never have a bottle (mine included).

Sitting him in a high chair with some toys is a good idea. We had one of those stick on high chair toys that my daughter loved and would buy me 15 mins or so at a time.

If you still have a forceful let down, it might help to express a small amount off first to get past that before offering the breast to baby. I wonder if he is taking in a lot of wind which is making him feel full. Stopping to wind throughout the feed can really help with that. Or trying laid back nursing which allows them to control the flow a bit better.

These are techniques I would usually suggest with a younger baby but if no-one has mentioned them to you before them they could be worth a try.

Yes! Dummies can help with reflux too.

It's the LATEX teats that are most similar to human nipples (softer & easier to suck)

And yes to dh bottle feeding when you're well away and he can't sense/smell you.

Dh cooking needing a handhold - YouTube

@HedgePlastic it's not martyrdom. We do things together, I enjoy his company and most of the time I'm happy to have him with me. But it's not feasible to take him to the gym with me. Not quite yet (not an issue with the gym, but at the moment he'd want me to feed him 3/4 through my workout).

I love spending time with my son. And I actually enjoy breastfeeding most of the time, if only for the little smiles and cuddles he gives me.

I'm just after some ideas - of which there have been plenty of really great ones on this thread that I'm going to try - to help carve out a bit of me time.

Another one here surprised he needs to feed every 45 mins at his age....he’s not a newborn. I’d have taken him to the go/hv by now I think, see what they say?