To be annoyed at the 'breastfeeding loses weight' lie

[Bibijayne]

Baby boy is nearly six months. EBF.

I have not lost a single pound. Actually, possibly worse. I have no idea how much I lost giving birth but since he was 2 weeks old to now, I weigh exactly the same as the day my waters broke (aka same weight as avec baby bump!!!!)

I hate how I look. But nothing seems to work, and whilst I could technically do more to shift weight I have no time/ money/ anything.

I was overweight before getting pregnant. Put on 10kg. Then got lots of pregnancy complications and lost that weight. But I look awful. So, so awful. I hate my postpartum body.

Which is why everyone (including midwives in the hospital after I have birth, including the health visitor) telling me that the weight would melt off breastfeeding is really annoying.

I would certainly have still breastfed, even though it isn't easy and I had a hospital stay in the early weeks with mastitis.

But seriously?

Baby boy isn't too bad and night, but feeds a lot during the day. He had really bad reflux but would feed to make it feel better - so his weight gain is good so I was offered no help with it. This meant I never had time to cook/ meal prep as at one point he wouldn't go more than 45 mins without wanting to eat in the day.

Turns out he has CMPA which has started to improve now I'm dairy free. But recently noticed he's also reacting to soya. So another food binned.

This drastically limits what I can eat. And leads to having to go back for yet another expensive supermarket shop to find foods I can eat.

But none seems easy to prep - and healthy.

I want to go to the gym. But 1.5 hours without food is too much for him and he ends up besides himself (one hour session, gym 15 mins away). I'd signed him and DH up to a shirt swim class on Sundays, but now I have to take him because he gets really hungry afterwards.

He refuses to drink expressed milk.

I am two stone overweight. I desperately want to be healthier and actually want to look at myself in the mirror.

I also don't want to give up breastfeeding - baby boy loves it, and I enjoy the bonding time - I also think he'd starve himself.

And I still get people talking me to just wait a bit, it'll all melt away if I keep breastfeeding.

And it's bollocks.

Oblomov that will be the breastfeeding leaflet I was given by my health visitor when I had DD in 2015, so I'm afraid I won't be able to provide you with a link.

Do you have a professional interest in this area? You seem quite heavily invested in proving to OP (and anyone who agrees with her), that she is wrong to feel that she was lied to.

My take on OP's feelings are that she is in a difficult situation at the moment, and I feel she needs support, not pedantry.

I can empathise with OP's annoyance about not having lost weight, given that is one of the reasons that is used to sell breastfeeding to women. In general, as I said upthread, I feel this is part of a wider issue with the way that biased information is given to women around pregnancy, birth and feeding, in order to encourage approved behaviours. I would prefer to be treated as an autonomous adult, who can cope with more nuanced - and hence more accurate - information, rather than as an idiot who won't be capable of making good choices for my family if I am allowed to know the facts (including what is currently unknown).

As we can see from OP's feelings about weight, it can backfire when information is promoted that is so broad-brush it will be untrue for a sizeable minority.

@Oblomov19

Not a clue about leaflets. But two midwives, my GP and my health visitor insisted it was guaranteed. So that is the lie to which I am referring.

I know you probably didn't mean it this way, but this is a classic example of a way I have been 'thin shamed'

Absolutely nothing she said even remotely implied that you need to be overweight to make milk - just that some people's bodies need the extra fat. It's quite telling that this is a 'classic' example for you, given that it's completely in your own head.

Sorry you've had so much criticism OP. You are right that not everyone loses weight when they BF. I didn't and in fact I put weight on. It was very disheartening.
I put it down to not being able to eat 3 square meals, reduced metabolism due to being sleep deprived and stressed, loss of muscle mass and also seemed to have a lot of water retention. I was walking my son for around 3 hours a day because it was the only time he wouldn't be crying so I was getting plenty of excercise.

The good news is when I stopped feeding the weight dropped off and I lost a stone in about a month. The rest I have lost steadily over a few years and think that has been slowed down because my son didn't sleep through and I was up 10 times a night with him for a few years.

Don't beat yourself up, you are doing your best in a difficult situation. Maybe you could try to concentrate on improving your nutrition. Could you get a few books that would suit your requirements? There are a lot of vegan ready meals and food available at the moment, they might be helpful. Perhaps your DP could go on a shop for you or help you to get there yourself?

Please be kind to yourself, I understand how difficult it is to look after yourself when your time and energy is already taken up by your baby.
A slow cooker was a great help to us as I could chop and chuck in the ingredients in 10 mins in the morning and have a dinner ready to eat in the evening, along with portions to freeze for another day.
Often I would do some like bolognaise so that DP would only need to cook up some pasta when he got home. Similarly curry with rice or stew with potatoes or chips. It wasn't Al la carte but it met our nutritional needs!
My personal favourite recipe from this time was pasta bake. I would chuck in wholemeal pasta, tinned tomatoes, tin of tuna, frozen spinach, oragano and seasoning. Cover in foil and bake, adding cheese on top and taking off the foil for last 10 mins. But this was the absolute extent of my cooking efforts for months!

What does your DP do for lunch when he's at work? Would he make up sarnies for you both and leave yours in the fridge ready for you?
Take care

I didn't lose weight really either. Expressed for months, which meant I was spending over an hour pumping/bottle feeding and so had little time for exercise. It gets better. Glad you've got some good ideas from helpful people in this thread. :)

My only little gem: if you can afford it, get an electric pressure cooker. Does all the work of a slow cooker in a fraction of the time - you can make a stew in about 30 minutes instead of 5 hours so food can be prepared when your partner gets home if you didn't have the chance in the day.

It’s very unusual for a 6 month old to need to feed every 45 minutes. I’d be inclined to get to a breastfeeding cafe or pay a lactaction consultant privately to watch you feed. There’s something not quite right there.

You have had a bad experience. That does not mean that breastfeeding to lose weight is a lie.

Your stress levels are high.
You are tired, exhausted even.
You are probably not eating enough or eating too much - there is nothing wrong with that.
All of those make weight loss difficult.

Give yourself some time and stop being so hard on yourself. There are areas of your post partum body that you will most likely have to learn to accept. I still have stretched skin on my belly. My parts have changed completely (thanks 2nd degree tears!). It takes a long time to adjust.

If you were already overweight to begin with, you're not going to shed that weight by continuing to eat as you were when you were pregnant or before your pregnancy.

No time, no money...

Could you possibly squeeze in getting the little one in a pram, all snug and warm, and going for a walk around the block or to the park for half an hour? It will do wonders for you. Good bit of fresh air, good bit of exercise, baby gets some fresh air too and help with shedding some weight.

You acknowledge that you could do more. It sounds like you were expecting breastfeeding to miraculously do all the hard work for you. Unfortunately, that's not the case for everyone. You still need to be conscious of what You eat, how much water you drink and how much exercise you can get in.

Try and get out of the house with the little one. That's the best advice I can give. And drink lots of water to help aid weight loss.

I think it’s bullshit to say all women will lose weight BFing, it’s never worked for me either. I’ve only lost weight once I’ve really started to watch my diet and exercise a lot but breastfeeding alone has never just made weight magically drop off as some women say it does.

I say this as a Mother of four who has EBF’d all four times. My youngest is 14 weeks so still EBF and I’m only now losing weight because I’ve cut my calories down to 1400 a day max and I walk six miles a day...

Yeah it didn't melt off me either when I BF. The opposite actually, I gained weight and just felt starved all the time.

Meant also to say that a six month old baby should not need feeding every 45 mins.Are you sure he is not using you as his dummy? Does he use a dummy ?.Some babies need to suck quite a bit .Maybe you should get as suggested above some advice from a Lactation Consultant or Nurse.

OP, it's a bit odd for a 6mo to be feeding that often. Even my newborn was more like every 90 minutes!

I'd be offering more food at mealtimes, and doing things with the baby other than offering the breast constantly. Will he take a pacifier?

What do people do with their babies whilst doing30 day shred? I would love to but DS has started to crawl and I have no idea where to put him so I can work out!

@Kokeshi123 alas no. He hates bottles and dummies.

He rarely finishes one breast. I think he may not be getting enough fatty milk until he cluster feeds in the evening. Need to sort out oversupply.

I didn’t lose any weight and had a huge stomach at six months. The ‘magic melting sway’ did strike with a vengeance somewhere between then and 12 months and I got super skinny while mainlining Toblerones. My SiLs have said it’s never happened for them and all say it’s a total myth. I think it’s down to the individual as some friends look like rakes within weeks. Don’t beat yourself up - one SiL burst into tears at six months because she hadn’t lost any weight. It’s peak time for still looking crap and not yet having the time/energy to do anything about it (batch cook! What!?). Good luck OP. You will either start to lose weight through EBF if you can keep going; if not you will get more energy and time to exercise and eat differently if you want to... give yourself another six months of not GAF if you can.

I feel for you OP. Rooting for you to feel better about yourself.

My tuppence: Get back on your MyFitnessPal - it will take 2 minutes and you can add you new weight and work out your daily intake targets. Much clearer and more motivating.

Disagree with pp on cereal. Eat high protein, low carb.

Do online shopping and get a load of healthy stuff delivered so you have it in the cupboards.

Breakfast: low fat natural Greek yoghurt

A super quick lunch- tin of sardines or mackerel with a salad (pre-bagged)
If you want carbs eat the sardines on top of ryvita

Pre-cooked chicken breast with salad

Dinner: bung a chicken breast or salmon fillet inside a foil parcel along with some pre-packed green veg like broccoli / green beans. Splash lemon juice/ seasoning, herbs, seal and cook for 20 minutes.

This menu will keep you at around 1200 calories which would potentially help you lose 2lb a week- the safest level- depends on your weight and height of course.

Exercise:
Try strength training exercises as they burn more calories. No equipment required until you get super serious. You can involve your baby! Sumo squats (holding& lifting baby), arm presses on a shelf/sofa arm, press ups with baby lying next to you, planks, side planks.

You don't need to do 45 minutes- give yourself a break! You can do 30 minutes every other day and eat the above and I promise the weight will drop off. Track it all on your app so that you can see the results on there even if not in the mirror at first.

Good luck! Xx

Have you got a baby carrier/sling? That might help with the constant feeding and means you can be a bit more active. Cmpa babies are hard work!

I lost weight without trying when breastfeeding, however with my first, I piled weight on when I stopped breastfeeding, it took me ages to lose that.
Second time I managed not to gain weight on weaning.
Definitely get out with the pushchair for long walks.
Try to eat more regularly so you don’t end up starving and then inhaling quick and calorific fixes. Have things in you can turn to, a few nuts, - not a handful as they are calorific, - things that won’t raise your blood sugar only to crash later leaving you in need of more carbs.
It is disheartening to look in the mirror and think “Fuck! I’m only XX and I’ve ruined myself!” which is what I thought when I saw the collapsed soufflé that had been my abdomen. I was 20. But a couple of years later I had a 4 pack (never got those bottom 2).
It can and does get better.

I lost weight by bf then put it on again when I stopped 😩

I guess metabolism and your diet will contribute too, but bfing burns hundreds of calories a day. I lost so much weight with all mine. Am pregnant now and can't wait to see the weight melt off again.

I was the same!!! Bloody annoying myth!
I only lost it at 18 months when I calorie counted - I only felt ready to do this at this stage! Don’t be so hard on yourself! You are doing a wonderful thing x

It's really reassuring to hear I'm not the only one who can't shift the weight when BF. Posters in the Sure Start centre with happy smiling mums holding their happy smiling babies confidently proclaimed that you will lose when when BF. Just another thing to fail a failure about with a vomiting, colicy baby. Walked miles with her to stop her crying and just got heavier.

Lost weigh relatively easily once I stopped BF with both DC.

Makes me wonder if all those superslim celebs/royals/actresses who snap back into shape actually ever breastfeed or even in some cases give birth

I am so glad those years are behind me.

I lost a stone ebf. If you eat more to sustain it rather than just eating normally of course you're going to put on weight.

Makes me wonder if all those superslim celebs/royals/actresses who snap back into shape actually ever breastfeed or even in some cases give birth

What makes you wonder that?

I’d heard of someone deciding not to breastfeed in order to get their weight down quicker, so not everyone buys into this. It doesn’t sound like a great lifestyle right now, but that’s life with a high needs baby. Don’t get too stressed about this too, it will pass and you’ll regain control to an extent in six months or so. I got DH on board with healthy meal planning and babysitting while I went to exercise at about nine months. But I felt my body was holding on to the fat while still breastfeeding. Losing weight is hard work so you need to be in the right place, don’t be so hard on yourself.