To be annoyed at the 'breastfeeding loses weight' lie

[Bibijayne]

Baby boy is nearly six months. EBF.

I have not lost a single pound. Actually, possibly worse. I have no idea how much I lost giving birth but since he was 2 weeks old to now, I weigh exactly the same as the day my waters broke (aka same weight as avec baby bump!!!!)

I hate how I look. But nothing seems to work, and whilst I could technically do more to shift weight I have no time/ money/ anything.

I was overweight before getting pregnant. Put on 10kg. Then got lots of pregnancy complications and lost that weight. But I look awful. So, so awful. I hate my postpartum body.

Which is why everyone (including midwives in the hospital after I have birth, including the health visitor) telling me that the weight would melt off breastfeeding is really annoying.

I would certainly have still breastfed, even though it isn't easy and I had a hospital stay in the early weeks with mastitis.

But seriously?

Baby boy isn't too bad and night, but feeds a lot during the day. He had really bad reflux but would feed to make it feel better - so his weight gain is good so I was offered no help with it. This meant I never had time to cook/ meal prep as at one point he wouldn't go more than 45 mins without wanting to eat in the day.

Turns out he has CMPA which has started to improve now I'm dairy free. But recently noticed he's also reacting to soya. So another food binned.

This drastically limits what I can eat. And leads to having to go back for yet another expensive supermarket shop to find foods I can eat.

But none seems easy to prep - and healthy.

I want to go to the gym. But 1.5 hours without food is too much for him and he ends up besides himself (one hour session, gym 15 mins away). I'd signed him and DH up to a shirt swim class on Sundays, but now I have to take him because he gets really hungry afterwards.

He refuses to drink expressed milk.

I am two stone overweight. I desperately want to be healthier and actually want to look at myself in the mirror.

I also don't want to give up breastfeeding - baby boy loves it, and I enjoy the bonding time - I also think he'd starve himself.

And I still get people talking me to just wait a bit, it'll all melt away if I keep breastfeeding.

And it's bollocks.

I lost wright breast feeding, 45-60 minutes brisk walking every day, and running...30-60 minutes regularly. The key is short bursts of exercise when you can fit it in. I didn't eat particularly healthy. However, I lost more weight in the month after I stopped breast feeding without trying, both times I reckon because you're body hangs on the extra it needs to feed baby whilst you're still producing milk. I think upping your exercise is key. Even if you do two 45 minute walks rather than the gym. Get a step counter and see how often you can hit 10,000 steps. My kids are older now, but on a day when I'm working from home I can easily only achieve 2-3000 steps and burn about 1700 calories. On days I exercise I hit on average 2300 - 2500.

First off don't be too hard on yourself. You've done something amazing and have devoted yourself to nurturing your baby so well done.
My niece is dairy free and there is loads of food you can still eat. In fact treats are the thing that are quite restricted because of cake, chocolate etc containing dairy.
Once you start weaning the baby will drop some milk feeds within a few weeks. I started weaning with lunchtime and it did mean that DS could go from 10-2pm without breast milk. So you might find that gives you an opportunity to exercise. In the meantime the walking is really good and will be making a difference so keep trying to get out every day.
Could you try a quick HIIT session or yoga on YouTube if you're not ready for anything strenuous? Or see if there is a buggy fit group near you.
I breastfed and didn't lose with my first son, he was born in October and I wasn't well after he was born so I comfort ate. It took till he was 2 and I joined slimming world to lose the 19lbs extra. I did lose it quite quickly once I committed to it. Some bodies hold onto fat reserves while breastfeeding because everyone is different! Good luck and remember you're not the only one feeling this way.

Am bravely sticking my neck out here and have donned my hard hat accordingly. does a nearly 6 month old baby really need to feed every 45 minutes? seems excessive to me. Sorry but I'd let him cry and see if he settles - esp if you are out walking with the buggy. If he's feeding that often is he just getting the 'fore' milk only - could explain why he's always hungry?
I'd second trying expressed milk in a tippy cup too- someone else giving it to him - as not all babies like bottles.

My 1st baby was titchy and ravenous and solid food sorted her out - she grabbed the spoon from me on 1st solid feed (I started solids before 6 months old and she is v healthy).

as for eating, batch cooking. big pot of chicken casserole/lamb stew with veggies (carrots, swede, parsnip, celeriac)mand potatoes in it. you can freeze in portions and add frozen peas when you reheat. The baby can have that too.

huge pot of bolognaise - freeze in batches. add chilli powder and kidney beans to turn into a chilli. eat with baky spuds . add lots of chopped veg into it too.

both take a short time to prep and can be done in bursts then bubble on the cooker for ages.

make sure at every meal you have half the plateful as veg (bag of salad, handful of tomatoes, tin of sweetcorn, pile of nuked peas or frozen green beans). each of these takes moments to prep. the weight will start to come off.

good luck

I'd have lost weight BFing but I massively overcompensated with night-time snacks. It was only at 14 months PP (she gave up BF at 12 months) that I started to do 5:2 fasting and am steadily losing weight.

I agree with a PP: you've got a lot on, he's only 6 months, you need to go easier on yourself. I'd go with very easy meals - like chicken thighs with some seasoning bunged in the oven, served with (frozen if need be) veg - and get a few things in that you can eat with little prep, such as supermarket soups or similar. I don't think that having one late meal a day is doing you favours.

With weaning, if your baby is already 6 months old and you don't yet have a dietician appointment you might have to start before then.

If your baby has delayed onset (non ige) CMPA then it's really common to also have a soya allergy - something like 50 to 60% do. It doesn't mean you are necessarily going to find loads of other allergies. The only thing I'd recommend doing differently when weaning is being careful about egg, wheat and nuts - and keep a strict food diary of everything you've tried and any odd symptoms so you can look back to track what's definitely OK and what isn't if necessary. The breastfeeding with CMPA groups are also helpful for weaning advice.

(DD atill has soya and milk allergies, and had egg and nut allergies which she's grown out of now at 2 - our dietician appointment didn't come through until she was 9 months old).

Op.

Please don't stress. You've got a small baby who you need to feed. He's soon not going to need you so much, so in a few months you're going to have a bit more time.

Keep eating as much as you need, when you can, until he's not on the breast as much. Your body's been through a lot lately, there's no rush.

Replace one of your meals with a slimfast shake. 0 prep
Time
Needed, limited calories and contains protein etc.

For what it’s worth, my weight only started to drop of between 3-6 months and now he’s 7 months I am 2kg heavier than normal
But NEARLY back. Takes time. And I only started to lose when I lost
The “I need calories for milk” thought and started to actually
Diet a bit.

Some babies just feed a lot more frequently than others...theres a lot to do with personality and the comfort that they get from feeding. A lot of people say 'are you sure they are actually hungry' but even if I had another baby I know I would try feeding first as it was a sure fire way to stop any moaning/screaming. If it's not working for you I totally get it but dont listen to people who say 'are you sure hes getting enough?'
I also never lost a pound until after breastfeeding and the weight did creep up so was about 2 stones over by the time I stopped at 17 months. I was ravenous all the time and as at home more was giving in to a lot of cravings. I lost 2 stone within about 2 months after feeding, the weight just dropped off.

On a practical level

• I found sticking to a really boring breakfast and lunch every day and looking forward to an amazing dinner when I had a bit more time/someone to hold baby helped. I had a belvita and low fat yoghurt and then big portion of soup at lunch and I always felt full. If I needed a snack I stuck to fruit/veg.
• cut out food that you eat to be polite. My MIL constantly gives me biscuits and extra stuff on my plate that I dont even like. Shes a bit of a feeder. I just ate it to be polite. I stopped eating food that I didnt actually want to eat/need to eat.
• at 6 months I would be trying a bottle refuser on a tommee tippee cup. You can try with water or milk. Some breastfed babies take very well to a straw. It will take your baby a few tries to get it and remember they wont take any great volumes (they will save that up for when they are back with mummy) but should be enough to tide you over to get a wee break/exercise class if that's what you want to do.
• mummy and baby exercises on YouTube. You can use your baby as a weight or put below you when doing press ups to get some kisses. My son loved these and still does now he can copy too.

Bung stuff in the slow cooker - buy prechopped veg if you haven't got time. Start baby on some solids asap - sounds like he's hungry to me.

I don't think I have any solutions for you, other than to say that I have always put on weight whilst bf. I do eat a lot when I have a small baby too, as I'm always ravenous. I remember with baby #1 thinking that I would end up the size of a house, but always when baby gets to 10+ months or so the feeds slow down and the hunger slows and the weight does go. It's always the same for me. It's very annoying to encounter other women for whom the feeding does seem to help them into size 8 jeans before their 6 week check, but my body just doesn't seem to work like that. I think you probably just need to be kind to yourself and set the weight loss/fitness as a longer term goal (it was more like a 5 year goal for me as I had more babies). If you're looking for something to do to help with 'mum tum' and overall core strength I'd really recommend Pilates. Some places do mum & baby classes, or evening classes are a good option. Once weaning happens then you will find that other people can take baby for longer periods - even if baby is not bottle fed then they can be distracted by other foods. (I'm not sure I would go down the formula route for a CMPA baby if I didn't have to, from experience that is usually another can of worms)

@bibijayne. I’ve not RTFT as I can’t bear to read all the women who magically lost all their baby weight in a day.

I’m in a similar situation and reflux/CMPA aren’t fun, being DF/SF isn’t easy and nor is meal prep when you have a baby you can’t put down unless you want to listen to heart breaking screams. If you were talking about Crying it out for sleep training you’d be flamed, so I’m not sure how daytime is supposed to be better while you do meal prep/go to the gym.... or whatever, some babies have high touch needs and you can’t know how hard that is till you’ve had one..... mine is hard hard work and is catergorically NOT my first child and nothing like the others in terms of how easy to look after.

I’ve absolutely no useful advice I’m sorry, but wanted to send a hand hold- you are not alone.

'Stop eating too much.'

Amazing. Obesity crisis has been solved!

Couple more tips for you. One of the best pieces of advice I got was from a new mum friend that I made who was a physio, and she told me to remember to hold my stomach in when I went for a walk. It was a little thing, but it made a huge difference to getting back my stomach muscles.

Also, regarding the preparation of food, I chop veg whenever I get the chance and then store it in plastic takeaway tubs on the fridge until I get a chance to cook.

I still do this, last week I made a lasagne by chopping the veg on Monday, cooking up the tomato sauce on Tuesday, then making the bechamel sauce and putting the whole thing together on Wednesday. I made two too, one for the freezer.

I'm in the same position OP. I'm really struggling with my weight which I never have in my life (always been a size 8-10 without working at it).

Have you got a slow cooker? If you buy frozen veg you can then just dump everything in there in the morning and then by evening you've got a healthy meal which has taken minutes.

For exercise I would recommend the 30 day shred dvd. It's only 20 minutes (30 with stretches) but works you really hard.

You just be exhausted feeding every 45 minutes which will be causing you to want to eat and not exercise. Could DH try to extend the times between feeds by distracting baby? Or could he be teething and after comfort instead? If so some bonjela and a teething ring may help.

Sadly losing weight does involve feeling hungry for a lot of the time. I’ve shifted large amounts of post pregnancy weight twice whilst b/feeding. It wasn’t until I worked out what calorie deficit I actually needed that things started to happen. It’s very very easy to eat a lot more calories than you realise. You probably need to be more scentific about it, whilst factoring in that the b/feeding will burn about 500 cals per day. I wouldn’t pressure yourself about excersise too much (other than walking to keep active) if your main goal is weight loss, it won’t help you lose weight (but obviously it will bring many other benefits). Perhaps something to work towards when you have more time? What I found was that once I was back down to my normal weight (and no longer needing to be in a deficit) breastfeeding was a great help at maintaining my weight whilst allowing me to eat extra treats.

Food ideas...

I'm currently BFing a baby who is just out of a clingy phase.
I've found that I can make and eat scrambled egg on toast in less than ten minutes.
Smoothies are great (and hands free 'eating' - no cutlery involved)! You could prepare certain ingredients in batches (and freeze if suitable).
I sometimes eat leftover dinner.
Mashed up avocado with chopped cherry tomatoes, a squeeze of lime plus salt/pepper/Tabasco on toast is a current favourite. Sounds a faff but it's very quick and easy to prepare.
If I can't eat a 'proper' lunch I aim for 'decent' filling snacks. Flapjack, nuts, etc. plus some fruit or carrot sticks (prepare carrot sticks in batches to make life easier).
Make sure you have a good breakfast - I find oat based (granola or porridge) is best for filling me up long term.

In terms of dairy free cooking, have a think about what you usually eat and then see if you can substitute ingredients. My diet is low dairy due to a mild intolerance, so I've had to get creative.
Alpro soya do good yoghurt and cream alternatives - I often cook with the 'cream'. I use soya on cereal but Oatly or almond milks (etc.) are good alternatives. Oatly makes a delicious tasting latte.
You can find dairy free spread (such as 'Pure' which can be used for baking. I add a little salt to baking in order to off-set the bland, 'non-buttery' taste.

It worked for me. We're not all the same 🤷‍♀️

It does sound like you have quite a high needs baby but hopefully the process of introducing solids will help you a bit. Some of my friends held onto weight until they stopped breastfeeding- others got skeletal very quickly. Everyone seemed very different in how their bodies reacted to it.

1h30 feeds are still pretty frequent for a 6 month old. Mine wasn’t breastfeeding at that point (so I know it is different and there is a comfort element) but she would have been on 4-5 during the day and none at night and people used to comment about how frequently she fed during the day so I think she was on the higher end of average. Once food was going in the frequency dropped very quickly to 3-4 and then 3 then 2.

Another thought... does your supply seem ok? Just wondering, as when I wasn't eating enough (due to a clingy baby making it seem impossible), my supply dropped. He'd feed often because he wasn't getting enough at once. That changed once I started eating better.

Do you offer both breasts when you feed DS? That can often make a huge difference (with some babies, offering only one breast is like feeding only half a meal).

Breastfeeding made me crave cake 24/7. I did get out with a running buggy with my first, but didn't loose weight. I was definitely eating loads more, because I was constantly starving.

Particularly when I started back at work, my baby switched to feeding all night because he wouldn't take a bottle in the day. I got through the lack of sleep with caffeine and sugar, and picked up lots of bad habits.

It's hard. Do what you can to choose healthy options, and know that it's not for ever.

I don’t want to sound smug but it was true for me, I lost the 2 stone I put on during pregnancy very quickly breastfeeding. I am quite slim anyway and have to eat more than I normally would when breastfeeding just to keep my weight on after the baby weight is gone.

If you are doing very little exercise and have no muscle mass your basic metabolic rate (the calories required just to maintain your weight) will only be about 1200 calories, breastfeeding burns about 400 calories making the milk. The chances are you are under calculating your calorie intake on top of this so you are probably overeating by at least 500 calories a day. Over a week this is a pound in weight, over 14 weeks a stone etc...

Breastfeeding does burn calories, it doesn’t burn the equivalent of running a marathon everyday. You’ll only lose weight if there is a calorie deficit. The whole I can’t get to the gym thing is rubbish, you don’t need a gym to exercise, get yourselves ready and go for a walk with the pram for an hour everyday.

I agree with the OP that losing weight when BF is not a given. I breastfed each child for about a year(whilst exercising and eating well) and it had no effect on my body weight whatsoever. Once they were weaned I quickly got back to pre-baby size.

He is alas a pretty useless cook, he works well under supervision. But that means I have to be there talking him through the stuff.

Tell him to Google cooking tutorials. There are literally 1000s on the internet.

They'll take him through it step by step, so you really don't have to.

Bibijayne I'm so glad someone else has voiced this!!! When I fed each of my 3 (admittedly 20 years ago!) I was so frustrated that the weight didn't just drop off like I'd been promised. As soon as I started reducing my food intake or increasing my exercise my milk reduced and I ended up with an even more hungry baby! So I walked everywhere with my first and managed to lose the weight but not the flab, second was more difficult and the third, well I just gave up. No way could I walk quickly enough withthe pram and two toddlers to get my heart rate up enough to lose anything. Oh and none of mine slept either so I was up every 2 hours on average during the night.

Have you got a smart watch of any sort? I have a cheap one but it logs my steps. I make sure I do the 10,000 steps a day, on school run days it's usually more. I am still bf my dd 21 months. Its hard to limit calories when bf because I find it makes you hungry when they are little and you need to listen to your body, when my dd was very little and was having a growth spurt and feeding all the time I was ravenous and thirsty. So I really think your best option is to get out walking, have a walk after breakfast and a walk in the afternoon, 20 mins each time should be fine, I will make a difference as it will kick start your metabolism.