Cleaner is refusing to soldier

[biscuitbrown]

I've been lucky enough to have a cleaner help out once a week since my first DD was born, we pay her well and we've always been super flexible, she works the day that suits her (rather than a Monday or Friday which I'd actually like). I've always thought we we had a friendship based on mutual respect and flexibility. She's not English and I've gladly helped her with insurance claims/mobile provider issues / school issues /hospital appointments etc. We give her a generous bonus at Christmas, we look after her. I've just gone back to work 3 days a week (long hours) and we've taken the huge step of getting an au pair, which is the first time we've had any childcare. Our au pair is brilliant - capable, trustworthy, hardworking, helpful, she cooks when I'm working, keeps their rooms tidy, washes their clothes, babysits etc. We found her through an agency and they explained how it is a cultural exchange, gave us guidance on what you can and cannot expect an au pair to do.

Anyway to cut to the chase, we pay our cleaner well to clean the whole house. But now we have the au pair she outright refuses to clean her room. I am only asking her to vacuum and dust, not tidy or touch her things (and au pair is SO tidy). I asked her why (this was all on text) and she said the au pair is old enough to look after herself. She's 18. But cleaner is paid to clean all the rooms and has been doing so for years... AIBU?!

I find staff can be funny about other staff and bitch about the other to me. It is definitely related to the fact that she does not see the aupair as a member of your family but more as hired help. She therefore does not clean up after help who she sees as on par with her. To do so, would put her subordinate to your aupair. It is a question of pride and principle.

If she is a good cleaner, I would be inclined to not press the point and get the aupair to clean up after herself. The aupair should be doing that anyway.

I know someone in the army and she uses army-isms all the bloody time. It’s attention seeking, affected and annoying.

No, its her normal. She is using the everyday language she is used to using. The fact that you dont like it is your problem, not hers.

Yep, agree, with PPs - in her eyes, it’s demeaning to have to clean for a very young and new member of staff.

If that’s the cleaners thinking then surely you and hubby are old enough to tidy and clean your bedroom 😂

If she is a good cleaner, I would be inclined to not press the point and get the aupair to clean up after herself. The aupair should be doing that anyway.

No she shouldnt. An Au Pair is considered to be a member of the family, woudl you be saying that if it was the OP's 18 year old daughter who the cleaner was refusing to clean up after?

I agree with pps. By asking her to clean the au pairs room you are placing the au pair above her, which she will find very upsetting.

If she’s a good cleaner otherwise and has been with you for years you should just leave this well alone and not turn the power on.

I know someone in the army and she uses army-isms all the bloody time. It’s attention seeking, affected and annoying.

Don't be daft. It would be all those things if someone with no military connection did it. Using 'army-isms' whilst in the army, married to a military person, retired from the forces or working with the forces in an allied role is perfectly normal.

Given that both of your employees are otherwise doing a good job, I'd be tempted to take a diplomatic approach here. It probably is due to cultural issues around the status of 'staff', but I think you can work around it. You're right, the cleaner should clean as instructed, but it might be more productive to give her the opportunity to maintain a bit of dignity and pride, which she seems to think is under threat.

Think I'd be inclined to give the au pair time off from another duty so that she has time to clean her own room, then give the cleaner an additional duty to replace the bedroom clean- maybe a rota for skirting boards/oven etc.

Lots of people use the phraseology of their professions almost unconsciously, particularly if their friends or partners are in the same occupation. I know lawyers who'll use legal terms in ordinary conversation purely because they give a short-cut means of expressing what they want to say, or because it's automatic, or indeed because it's a joke. Likewise with doctors, accountants etc. it doesn't make them in any way attention-seeking or affected, and it would be silly to be annoyed about it; it's just a form of communication.

I think you've made the mistake of getting too pally with the cleaner.

She either cleans the house in its entirety (or whatever she's paid for) or she can sod off.

"I feel like I've been so flexible and a good to her so she's kind of letting me down."

I think she is a bit too, @biscuitbrown, but as others have said she may have a good (albeit misguided) reason for this. So, given previous good service, I think you should simply ask her why she isn't doing it.

If there is a good reason, you will then know. If there isn't, it may be fairly simple to deal with a few ruffled feathers, perhaps by telling her that you want the whole house cleaned by a professional cleaner. Her.

If she still refuses (or has failed to engage or made a huge fuss) I think you should point out to her that you arrange cleaning of the whole house ... including that room ... by employing a professional cleaner to do it. Ask her whether she thinks you should clean that room yourself, if that professional thinks it's beneath them.

I think biscuitscleaner has every right to be upset, I'm upset for her! Op you've just moved a younger woman into your house to help with your family.Of course she feels insecure and doesn't want to do her room. No need to sack her or give orders as some posters are suggesting, I'd say casually, oh biscuitscleaner are you not doing the(au pairs) back room anymore? Refer to the room, back room, front room whatever, not the au pair. This should gently let her know you want her to start doing the room again without embarrassing her. for biscuitscleaner. I hope you all get through this op!

If it's just dusting and hoovering the au pair's room then surely it's not a big deal for the au pair to do it herself. She is an adult after all.

Given that your only communication with her over this has been by text and briefly at that, see her when she's next there and speak to her face to face, communication is better that way.

Is it possible that having the au pair has increased the cleaner's workload and she feels it's only fair that she doesn't do the room in return? Does au pair leave the dishes to be washed when normally you would do that yourself, or does the extra member of family mean an extra set of bedding or clothes to be washed, dried and ironed, etc?

You won't know until you have a conversation with her.

Sounds like she's happy to clean for you but not the other hired help. Tell her to clean the room or she's no longer your cleaner. And mean it.

I've been in and around the army my whole life, I even know what "biscuit brown" is, inedible imvho , but I have never heard "soldier" used like that. Refusing to "soldier on" yes but not just the word "soldier" and never about civilians.

I know someone in the army and she uses army-isms all the bloody time. It’s attention seeking, affected and annoying.

I know what you mean and I was actually in the army myself. There's some that really go over the top with it and it can be rather eye roll causing.

I would reduce her money if she is no longer prepared to clean a room that she was happy to clean before.
The AuPair seems to be a lot more mature and flexible at 18 that the cleaner.

I actually think the use of the army slang is significant here. Being a soldier is not like a normal job. There is an expectation of unquestioning obedience. The needs of the team take priority over the needs of the individual. Those who comply with this mindset are looked after. Those who don’t are kicked out.

Whereas in civilian life, individuals have not been trained to subjugate their emotions and sensitivities to the need of the team.

I agree that it's probably a cultural thing . Cleaner sees you as "the boss" whose rooms she happily cleans since you are above her in the pecking order. Au pair is seen as being below / same level as cleaner, so it would be demeaning for her to clean that room. I'd tell her that in this country you clean as directed, not as she likes. You're a good employer - she needs to get soldiering !

Do you think the au pair might have asked her not to?

I’d have hated a cleaner in my room at 18. Especially one i thoughy might report back to my boss. She’s young, away from home, and probably values her privacy.

Ask the au pair? Does she want her room cleaned or would she rather it be her space that no one enters without permission?
It may solve itself if she says the latter...

It's so obviously cultural.

I think if you employ someone from a different culture you have to find out some of the nuances of that culture up to a point. She clearly feels very strongly about this and it looks like she feels it would be humiliating for her to clean the room of a (younger?) member of staff.

Just go with it. Let the au pair clean her own room. It's not perfect but there we go. Please don't get all heavy handed about it and british. imo if you force it I wouldn't be surprised if the cleaner handed in her notice, she feels that strongly.

OP sorry to say I think the issue may be settled for you in a few weeks. If au pair us an EU national she’ll lose her right to be here as I doubt she earns above the cut off and def won’t have settled status. If we leave the EU the treaty-waiver that covered au pairs will cease to be in play.
Hope your clearer isn’t an EU national too.

@DarkYearForMySoul popping up on random threads to make points about your brexit views when the post has nothing to do with brexit is just making you look idiotic

This is not up to the cleaner if she wants to stay under your employment