Cleaner is refusing to soldier

[biscuitbrown]

I've been lucky enough to have a cleaner help out once a week since my first DD was born, we pay her well and we've always been super flexible, she works the day that suits her (rather than a Monday or Friday which I'd actually like). I've always thought we we had a friendship based on mutual respect and flexibility. She's not English and I've gladly helped her with insurance claims/mobile provider issues / school issues /hospital appointments etc. We give her a generous bonus at Christmas, we look after her. I've just gone back to work 3 days a week (long hours) and we've taken the huge step of getting an au pair, which is the first time we've had any childcare. Our au pair is brilliant - capable, trustworthy, hardworking, helpful, she cooks when I'm working, keeps their rooms tidy, washes their clothes, babysits etc. We found her through an agency and they explained how it is a cultural exchange, gave us guidance on what you can and cannot expect an au pair to do.

Anyway to cut to the chase, we pay our cleaner well to clean the whole house. But now we have the au pair she outright refuses to clean her room. I am only asking her to vacuum and dust, not tidy or touch her things (and au pair is SO tidy). I asked her why (this was all on text) and she said the au pair is old enough to look after herself. She's 18. But cleaner is paid to clean all the rooms and has been doing so for years... AIBU?!

The cleaner is being very strange. Our cleaner cleans our au pairs room without a 2nd thought.

Ten days Jankers! Seriously though YANBU.

Yeah, cultural problem I reckon. Cleaner sees it as "beneath her" to clean the room of a "fellow servant".

If they are both the same nationality it is likely a cultural thing Adult women do not clean for other adult women (And the au pair is an adult in her eyes if she is your employee). It would be different if she were an exchange student living with you. Does the au pair have any insight into why this is happening?

That makes no sense at all. I have a cleaner who does my room every week and the spare room every so often but when I had a lodger in there a few years ago she would do that room every week also. No excuse for that carry on. If you want it done it gets done.

If cleaner digs her heels in and au pair is happ to clean her own room, then is it really worth losing good staff over?

Well I read the OP as the cleaner refuses to 'solder' and was thinking you probably were being a tiny bit unreasonable although mine would probably hold the tools for me. Sorry. As you were.

It's a slippery road though if you let her dictate what she wants to do. She is paid to do a job. Familarity breeds content. I'd be polite but very firm that you absolutely expect her to do this as part of her job.

@SurfClub it is an army phrase, used lightheartedly. Just means she won't do her job. Common parlance in the forces.

I'd probably speak to her face to face and say something along the lines of "just a quick mention about the text the other day, I didn't realise you were missing out the au pairs room and I am going to need you to take up cleaning it again, thanks"

See where the conversation goes from there, I'd be surprised if she refused a direct request without a real reason.

She thinks the au pair is working for you like she is and doesn’t want to clean “for her”. Basically she thinks the au pair is “help” and should clean after herself.

This is the way governesses used to be treated isn’t it? Punished by the other staff. Not quite family, not a servant.

Insist, with a smile, that she cleans the au pair’s room.

@SurfClub sorry just saw you said SOLDER 😆

I’m sure it’s a hierarchy thing. You’re her employer and by extension so are your DC but she doesn’t see why she would clean up after another employee. She doesn’t get that the au pair isn’t an employee in the same way that she is

If it would be difficult to find another good cleaner and your au pair’s room is tidy anyway, I’d be inclined to let sleeping dogs lie

If she refused to clean that one room, you'll have to pay her less, won't you?

Time for a chat about expectations.

When I was an au pair the family I worked for had a cleaner who did family washing, ironing, cleaning main rooms etc. She didn't do my room or any of my stuff - I had to do my own.

Very weird. Yes she should clean that room too if she is asked to and paid.

If it were in such a mess she couldn't get in the room then you could see why she might not want to but you say it's tidy so no reason not to. Odd

Glad i wasnt the only one thinking you wanted her to solder something. Its strange op the not cleaning room bit agree sounds cultural re them both being staff

She’s your employee, she cleans your house, she doesn’t get to choose which rooms she cleans. If she doesn’t like it there are plenty of other cleaners out there who would be glad of the work.

It's clearly a status thing she clearly doesn't wish to clean up after the au pair

But seriously, your title? 🙄

I'd calculate the cleaner's rate per room (i.e. her pay divided by the number of rooms in your house) and deduct one room's worth. Then tell her that her options are to do the whole house for her standard pay, or to do the whole house minus au pair's room for lower pay. Also note that you, like the au pair, are old enough to clean up after yourself but have chosen to outsource this task, and that the au pair is not actually the owner of the room you want cleaned. That might make your point.

Your cleaner is paid to clean your house, she is not paid to clean this room or that room but your entire house..... tell her that.

You are the one paying her, you hold all the cards here, if she doesn't want to do as requested (when it is not outside the grounds of what could be reasonably expected) then tell her that you will need to replace her with someone who will. Sadly this will likely sour the relationship anyway but you are not paying her to clean half your house and you are not paying your au pair to clean your house either.