Cleaner is refusing to soldier

[biscuitbrown]

I've been lucky enough to have a cleaner help out once a week since my first DD was born, we pay her well and we've always been super flexible, she works the day that suits her (rather than a Monday or Friday which I'd actually like). I've always thought we we had a friendship based on mutual respect and flexibility. She's not English and I've gladly helped her with insurance claims/mobile provider issues / school issues /hospital appointments etc. We give her a generous bonus at Christmas, we look after her. I've just gone back to work 3 days a week (long hours) and we've taken the huge step of getting an au pair, which is the first time we've had any childcare. Our au pair is brilliant - capable, trustworthy, hardworking, helpful, she cooks when I'm working, keeps their rooms tidy, washes their clothes, babysits etc. We found her through an agency and they explained how it is a cultural exchange, gave us guidance on what you can and cannot expect an au pair to do.

Anyway to cut to the chase, we pay our cleaner well to clean the whole house. But now we have the au pair she outright refuses to clean her room. I am only asking her to vacuum and dust, not tidy or touch her things (and au pair is SO tidy). I asked her why (this was all on text) and she said the au pair is old enough to look after herself. She's 18. But cleaner is paid to clean all the rooms and has been doing so for years... AIBU?!

As I understand it an au pair is seen as a member of the family. The cleaner is paid to clean the family home so should therefore clean the au pair's room.

You need to be clear with her; you are the customer and she is being paid to provide a service. Either she cleans the room, or her pay is reduced or you terminate her employment.

That's bizarre. I au paired years ago, and the cleaner would clean my room. My job was to look after the children, hers was to clean. I'd tell her that if she isn't able to do the whole job, then she'll need to leave.

Could the cleaner be offended that you didn't ask her if she wanted the job? Sounds like jealousy.

I think FadedRed has it. She thinks she shouldn't have to clean for other 'staff'. I would definitely be telling her to either clean the whole house or you will be finding a replacement. You employ her to do a job. If she won't do it to your satisfaction, time to call it a day.

PS I just noticed your username

@pinkrockinghorse she has never cleaned au pairs room- I only discovered this today, so I texted her to say it was ok to go in there in case she didn't want to invade privacy. She replied saying she would t do it. Also au pair is sweet, sensible, doesn't drink, likes physics and engineering etc.

Threaten her with a court marshal.

Really bizarre.

I think it sounds a bit like snobbery. She thinks she's above the au pair in the "hired help" pecking order, so thinks she shouldn't be doing her "dirty work".

I would text and say: [au paid name] is part of our family while she stays with us. She may be old enough to clean but so am I! We both work our other jobs which is why we need you. We need all the rooms in the house cleaning please, same as before. Can you confirm you are happy with this arrangement please?

Fully expect to get shot down for this- but I started reading this thinking 'wtf? this is her job!'

Then I read that she and the au pair get on well, the au pair is a part of the family and up until now youve helped the cleaner in the same manner... maybe she feels like she is subordinate to the au pair and her feelings are hurt.

Its not an excuse or anything, its just a thought, but maybe she feels ousted.

Did you ask her why

It's a rank thing.
just like The Army.
I used to be an entertainer at the holiday camps. To the cleaners we were the same as them, just staff employed to do a job.
They didn't have cleaners so why should we.
We weren't employing them, we had the same employer.
I can understand it tbh.

By that logic you are also old enough to clean your room. Except you are choosing to pay her to do it instead. banana 🍌 has it

But is this a cultural thing with your cleaner? Could it be that she doesn’t think she should have to cleaner another “servants” quarters and feels humiliated at doing so?

I wonder if something is being lost in translation if neither have good command of English.

Maybe they have had an exchange and the au pair has said she is old enough to do her own room or something, and neither verbalis it to you as such ( particually as you say the au pair is tidy)

Ok then she's just weird

Any chance it’s actually the au pair that has insisted on this? Maybe she feels it’s an invasion of privacy?

I can’t understand it.

It’s a room in your house that you’ve always paid her to clean. She’s not cleaning it and refusing to do it when asked. It’s really odd behaviour. What if your aunt was staying? She’d be “old enough” to clean her room. Anyone over the age of about 8 is “old enough” to clean a room? So strange.

You said the au pair is very clean so I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I wouldn't lose a good cleaner over it.

Could the cleaner be wary because of the au pairs personal belongings, or tidiness. She might feel wrong being in her room.

Is she jealous of the status of the Au-pair ? Does she feel the Au-pair looks down upon her as staff, whereas the Au-pair is also staff ? I don't know, I'm clutching at straws here, lol

@BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil I'm thinking along the same lines, but at the same time I just would really like her to do it. I feel like I've been so flexible and a good to her so she's kind of letting me down.

Totally unreasonable - our cleaner cleans up after my grown DD's - I suspect it's a cultural issue or misunderstanding, though I would completely understand if the au pair prefers to clean it herself - we choose for our cleaner not to do the bedrooms

@MostlyBoastly No, au pair is so sweet and really gently asked today if cleaner was supposed to clean her room (but if not she was totally cool with that and she didn't expect it).

I wonder if she views her place in your family in hierarchical terms, and either because she’s been there longer or is older considers herself to be ‘above’ the au pair in the pecking order.

She might feel wrong being in her room.
She’s happy enough to be in the house with all of the OP’s belongings.

OP, I’d be straight with her. She cleans the room or she cleans for you no more.