Cleaner is refusing to soldier

[biscuitbrown]

I've been lucky enough to have a cleaner help out once a week since my first DD was born, we pay her well and we've always been super flexible, she works the day that suits her (rather than a Monday or Friday which I'd actually like). I've always thought we we had a friendship based on mutual respect and flexibility. She's not English and I've gladly helped her with insurance claims/mobile provider issues / school issues /hospital appointments etc. We give her a generous bonus at Christmas, we look after her. I've just gone back to work 3 days a week (long hours) and we've taken the huge step of getting an au pair, which is the first time we've had any childcare. Our au pair is brilliant - capable, trustworthy, hardworking, helpful, she cooks when I'm working, keeps their rooms tidy, washes their clothes, babysits etc. We found her through an agency and they explained how it is a cultural exchange, gave us guidance on what you can and cannot expect an au pair to do.

Anyway to cut to the chase, we pay our cleaner well to clean the whole house. But now we have the au pair she outright refuses to clean her room. I am only asking her to vacuum and dust, not tidy or touch her things (and au pair is SO tidy). I asked her why (this was all on text) and she said the au pair is old enough to look after herself. She's 18. But cleaner is paid to clean all the rooms and has been doing so for years... AIBU?!

Cross posted with OP - it's not within her discretion to pick and chose which part of her job to do and judge whose rooms she will deign to hoover!

Just text her (since you communicate that way( and tell her she is required to hoover au psir's room. Not up for debate!

Yes, we had this problem, our Italian slave refused to clear our other Portuguese slave's room. We couldn't understand it. Then we worked out we should clean our own homes (helping ourselves first of all by not getting our homes into a state in the first place) and look after our own children and not hire any 20-something female slaves to do our dirty work in the first place. HTH.

@MollysLips yes I agree. Before DCs I worked in a hugely competitive, ruthless, stressful, brutal environment and despite my qualifications and experience it left me feeling like I was nothing. It made me, more than ever, determined to treat all people the way I want to be treated. I don't get why someone who helps you in your house, has your keys, you trust with all your things should be treated as anything other than a close personal connection. But I guess I'm wrong.

ADropofReality Wed 06-Feb-19 21:22:44
Yes, we had this problem, our Italian slave refused to clear our other Portuguese slave's room. We couldn't understand it. Then we worked out we should clean our own homes (helping ourselves first of all by not getting our homes into a state in the first place) and look after our own children and not hire any 20-something female slaves to do our dirty work in the first place. HTH.

tell us how you really feel 🤣

OP, I have a similar (slightly too familiar) relationship with my cleaner (6-7yrs). I trust her with house keys, have helped her & her family, etc. When my DSS (30ish) stayed with us for a year, I asked her NOT to clean after him. When my DM stays for a couple of months I ask her to DO clean her room. She just gets paid more (per hour). If she ever outright refused to do any cleaning job that I've asked her to do, I will be getting a new one! Saying that, I also believe the au-pair should be hoovering her own room, but that's up to you. Good luck!

Another who mistook it for solder - and thought she probably needed to do a whole H&S course for that 😂 (in this overprotected world we reside in)

Does seem odd. I can kind of understand where she's coming from though. You are her employer and she cleans your rooms.
The au pair is your employee like her. Maybe she's worried about au pair making accusations against her and it's a protective stance? (I know this isn't what she said).

Maybe a compromise whereby you say you'll dock X amount from her and add that to au pairs washed and au pair will clean her own room?

"Biscuitbrown" "...refuses to soldier..."

As a long term Army wife I am literally cringing for you, bandying Army slang about and naming yourself after a packet of unpleasant ration pack crackers.

Your cleaner ISN'T a soldier, so using the phrase is inappropriate and hideously twee.

I hope you don't talk like this around wives of, because if you do, they're not laughing with...

*a long term Army wife I am literally cringing for you, bandying Army slang about and naming yourself after a packet of unpleasant ration pack crackers.

Your cleaner ISN'T a soldier, so using the phrase is inappropriate and hideously twee.

I hope you don't talk like this around wives of, because if you do, they're not laughing with...*

This is used regularly round here,im not army neither are my friends

OP
Has cleaner ever cleaned guest rooms while they were living there. Absolutely only reason that might be acceptable is feeling uncomfortable dealing with other people’s belongings, potentially being accused of stealing or breaking au pairs things.

She needs to get over any cultural or age problems that she has. You are asking her to do a job that she was already doing.

@Coolaschmoola jog on. Whatever.

I can't believe there is a whole 14 page thread about a stroppy cleaner...

Biscuit Brown has been a nickname for about 20 years so I give 2 hoots what you think about it, it is anything but twee. And many of our close family friends ironically use 'refusing to soldier' - toddler lies on the pavement and refuses to move when rushing to pick up his sister from school - refusing to soldier. Get over yourself. 😒

So if your children were teenagers or 'old enough to clean their own rooms' would she refuse to touch their rooms? Or if you moved an elderly parent in....mmm I think not.

@MrMeSeeks Thank you It was meant lightheartedly, we've had a sort of laugh about it whilst not really knowing how to deal with it in a kind and decent way.

Has she had her nose put out by the AP. Perhaps she hoped you'd ask her to help out with the dc?

@SummerStrong exactly. We often have people staying for work reasons. They've always stayed in that room.

"As a long term Army wife I am literally cringing for you, bandying Army slang about and naming yourself after a packet of unpleasant ration pack crackers"

Bit of a potty mouth you've got on you there, @Coolaschmoola. Feeling a bit ratty tonight?

(didn't know army slang was copyright )

So what are you going to do about it? Ignore the bitchy comments, so unnecessary 💐

Coola, the only person I am cringing for is you and that rather petulant little strop there. I am ex-army, long term wife of etc. I have absolutely zero concern about anyone using army slang.

I can't see that OP has ever said what her DH does that takes him away from home for long periods. I rather assumed he is military, but it doesn't matter, it is not up to you to police her language.

Generalisations based on zilch facts don't do you any favours. Bet your cleaners bloody hate you

Quite the contrary. That should be obvious from what I have said.

Haven't RTFT but my daughter was an au pair in Spain last summer, and the cleaner/housekeeper wouldn't clean her room either? She didn't mind, didn't expect it, just seemed a little odd. Not sure it's worth losing a good cleaner over tbh.

Pad's brat here, grew up listening to the grown up ones using military slang. Even the wives. Shock horror. Don't act like you speak for all military wives Coola, cos you don't!

Blueshoes nothing about what you have posted tells me your cleaners like you. You sound like exceptional hard work.

I don’t think you have much of a choice but to terminate her. Even if she starts cleaning AP’s room, she will resent it and, possibly, you.

I also suggest you find a cleaner of another ethnicity than your current cleaner, so there’s no chance they know each other and talk.

Pad's brat here, grew up listening to the grown up ones using military slang. Even the wives. Shock horror. Don't act like you speak for all military wives Coola, cos you don't!

Blueshoes nothing about what you have posted tells me your cleaners like you. You sound like exceptional hard work.

Pissedoff, you should read what you just wrote and consider that you might perhaps be the one who is living up to your name and being hard work here. Oh well, my cleaner is still with me and I luff her.