Cleaner is refusing to soldier

[biscuitbrown]

I've been lucky enough to have a cleaner help out once a week since my first DD was born, we pay her well and we've always been super flexible, she works the day that suits her (rather than a Monday or Friday which I'd actually like). I've always thought we we had a friendship based on mutual respect and flexibility. She's not English and I've gladly helped her with insurance claims/mobile provider issues / school issues /hospital appointments etc. We give her a generous bonus at Christmas, we look after her. I've just gone back to work 3 days a week (long hours) and we've taken the huge step of getting an au pair, which is the first time we've had any childcare. Our au pair is brilliant - capable, trustworthy, hardworking, helpful, she cooks when I'm working, keeps their rooms tidy, washes their clothes, babysits etc. We found her through an agency and they explained how it is a cultural exchange, gave us guidance on what you can and cannot expect an au pair to do.

Anyway to cut to the chase, we pay our cleaner well to clean the whole house. But now we have the au pair she outright refuses to clean her room. I am only asking her to vacuum and dust, not tidy or touch her things (and au pair is SO tidy). I asked her why (this was all on text) and she said the au pair is old enough to look after herself. She's 18. But cleaner is paid to clean all the rooms and has been doing so for years... AIBU?!

I'd tell the cleaner you don't pay her to have opinions on what other people should be doing in your house, you pay her to clean your whole house and expect her to do what you have paid her for - but then I don't have to keep up a relationship with her and I have no sympathy whatsoever for her opinion if she's still pocketing all your money for doing less work on the back of her silly opinions.

blueshoes I think you need to back down a bit. Your views seem a bit off and honestly, you seem out for an argument.

op I’d tell her to clean the room as that is what she is paid to do, if that’s not suitable for her then she can leave.

For anyone thinking it’s a ‘cultural thing’, could you enlighten me what kind of culture is that specifically?
I’ve never heard such a loads of crap.
Cleaner is taking a piss - I’d give her a choice of changing attitude or looking for a different job.
I used to do cleaning jobs during summer breaks at uni and never felt that cleaning for other people is degrading. If that’s what the cleaner thinks, she has some kind of problem with her self esteem. If fact she shouldn’t do this kind of job in the first place.
For all ppl suggesting keeping precious cleaner happy - you are mad!
I’ve been a cleaner and I had few cleaners - refusing to clean au pair’s room is crazy.

What @mirialis said

OP is employing the cleaner and can choose not to any more at any time. If I were her cleaner I wouldn't want to risk having to find another good client that was as flexible and helpful

Cleaner needs a reality check

@toach no cleaner hasn't agreed to clean APs room. She categorically won't.

Agree she doesn’t want to clean for someone she sees as beneath/same level as her.

I have had this at work where cleaners won’t clean technician/janitor spaces, it’s a weird pecking order thing.

Sorry - but I think cleaner is a cheeky fucker

(glad you've got a fantastic au pair though)

I had a cleaner who started refusing to clean my children's rooms ("they can do it themselves"), then he wouldn't do the bathroom and one by one he stopped doing other jobs. By the time I sacked him, he was only doing the dishes and wiping down the cooker! My husband was supposed to "manage" the cleaner, but I had to step in eventually.

It does sound like a rank thing (rank in the military sense ,obviously, not the disgusting sense!), and if the cleaner can't cope with the setup you have then it's fair enough for her to stop cleaning for you, but she shouldn't cherrypick the jobs she wants to do and ignore the rest.

Why won't you just ask her in a direct way? Txt her saying...
if there is a problem with you cleaning Daisy's room then I will be sorting a new cleaner out. Please let me know ASAP

I think I’d be texting something like “sorry for any confusion but yes we absolutely do want the Au Pair’s room cleaned.”

I clean for a family that have a obnoxious Rude shite of a young adult son. Still not upto me to take it upon myself to redesign my job.

get rid-if u refused to do something at work you'd at least have a displinairy

shes a cf and taking the piss out of you

I think the cleaner regards the au pair a bit like a lodger, who is responsible to keeping their digs cleaned themselves. I imagine that they are not familiar with the concept of the au pair who is considered part of the family in many places, but instead considers it a paid member of staff who is expected to sort out their own.

@DarkYearForMySoul no one knows. I am absolutely fed up by people spreading infirmation like this (wage cut off to be able to be here etc) because it just causes unnecessary extra stress to people who don't need it or can't handle it.
Stop making things up because "I believe that maybe this will happen, but it's not like an official thing. I just believe it will.".

@biscuitbrown have you found out why yet?

You have employed the cleaner to clean your house and really it is none of her business what room belongs to who. It's as if she feels why should she clean the room of another employee. Which is a ridiculous way to think as it's not the Au Pair employing her or her house it's yours..Would she say the same if you had an adult guest staying in that room I'd be asking her.

It seems as if she may be mistaking your kindness for weakness.

Say to her: "This is the cleaning that I need done, do you want to continue cleaning for me or not?"

I couldn't just accept someone not doing the job they are paid to do simply because they don't want to.

If she says no, then I think you're probably better off. You have been kind to her as an employer, been flexible and generous. Why can't she just do the job you are paying her to?

@OftenHangry I be,eve this to be true as all reputable media outlets have reported it. If you haven’t heard it please google. Accessing information is better than focusing your anger on these delivering it. It is a very anxiety provoking situation. Much more so for some than others.

I feel like being kind and flexible hasn't done us any favours

Sadly, yes. She clearly feels the au pair is on the same "rank" as she is and should therefore be cleaning her own stuff.

You've been so lovely about days, etc, that the cleaner now feels she has the right to choose her own roles.

I'd want to ditch her, tbh. She's gone uppity.

@biscuitbrown have you asked her for the actual reason?

@OftenHangry She says she is big enough to clean her room and she should clean her room by herself. Verbatim. I just need her to vacuum - AP and I both do cleaning and tidying and washing during the week so our house is not a tough job. Even before AP cleaner always said our house was her favourite because I keep it clean and tidy (as much as I can with small DCs and DH away etc)

What possible justifiable reason could there by (short of au pair having to,d her not to enter or clean room)?

Oh and @crossfitgirl - just this second replied to same Q from @OftenHangry

Divide what you pay by number of rooms then minus that amount in next wage. She asks why say well you're cleaning one less room I only thought it fair.