Cleaner is refusing to soldier

[biscuitbrown]

I've been lucky enough to have a cleaner help out once a week since my first DD was born, we pay her well and we've always been super flexible, she works the day that suits her (rather than a Monday or Friday which I'd actually like). I've always thought we we had a friendship based on mutual respect and flexibility. She's not English and I've gladly helped her with insurance claims/mobile provider issues / school issues /hospital appointments etc. We give her a generous bonus at Christmas, we look after her. I've just gone back to work 3 days a week (long hours) and we've taken the huge step of getting an au pair, which is the first time we've had any childcare. Our au pair is brilliant - capable, trustworthy, hardworking, helpful, she cooks when I'm working, keeps their rooms tidy, washes their clothes, babysits etc. We found her through an agency and they explained how it is a cultural exchange, gave us guidance on what you can and cannot expect an au pair to do.

Anyway to cut to the chase, we pay our cleaner well to clean the whole house. But now we have the au pair she outright refuses to clean her room. I am only asking her to vacuum and dust, not tidy or touch her things (and au pair is SO tidy). I asked her why (this was all on text) and she said the au pair is old enough to look after herself. She's 18. But cleaner is paid to clean all the rooms and has been doing so for years... AIBU?!

I value cleaning but would raise an eyebrow if a cleaner refused to actually clean for odd made up reasons. Fortunately the agency I use don’t take your approach and send me decent cleaners that er just clean irrespective of their cultural sensitivities. They often have to clean rooms containing foreign teens in our house - the horror! None have a problem with that obviously because their job is to clean my house whoever may be staying there.

So a question for everyone saying the cleaner should not be expected to clean the room which is now occupied by the au pair as it will be messier (altho OP says au pair is neat and tidy and the only thing needed doing is vacuuming and dusting same as normal).

If you have a cleaner and then have guests to stay with you, you would not expect the cleaner to clean the room your guests stayed in as it would be additional cleaning in some way?

MrsTSwift, I would not use a cleaning agency. I get countless leaflets from them through my door. We clearly have different standards and requirements.

Blue... calm down.

mirialis do you actually have anything to say?

My agency is a local one recommended by friends been using them for years they do a good job certainly don’t have any nonsense like poor op! That said dh sorted out the cleaners not me

MsTSwift - there may be an abundance of cleaners in your area but good, flexible, trustworthy cleaners are like hen's teeth.

Plenty of decent cleaners here too. If OPs cleaner worked round here she'd likely be out on her ear - with other people being told why. You don't get to choose what rooms you want to clean - especially when you have cleaned said room without any issues previously!

I'd be sacked if I told my boss I wasn't going to do a specific task because someone else was perfectly capable of doing it. Shitty attitude to have

Definitely buyers market for cleaners here (small affluent city) ops cleaner wouldn’t last long plenty of other good cleaners prepared to clean a room when asked to

That said dh sorted out the cleaners not me

It does not sound like you have high cleaning standards if you rely on your dh and agencies to sort out cleaning. Fair enough. Those agency cleaners need someone to work for.

Why are you so mean! And incredibly sexist. So men have lower cleaning standards?! Wow.

I've gladly helped her with insurance claims/mobile provider issues / school issues /hospital appointments etc. We give her a generous bonus at Christmas,
Well maybes the time not to be easygoing.
I would have a general chat,lay down some ground rules,for starters give her a day she has to be there.She goes to the Drs/ appointments in her own time.And she cleans the whole house or she doesnt.Simple as that.

blueshoes you come across very stuck up. There is nothing wrong with agency cleaners, the agencies round here have some fantastic ladies working for them that go above & beyond. Using an agency doesn't mean you have a lower standard of cleaning ffs.

I don't have a cleaner. I do my own cleaning. Does that mean because I don't delegate I have a higher standard of cleaning than you?

Definitely a case of blurred boundaries as you have helped her so much, become more like friends than employer/employee and she feels she can decide what she cleans or does not do. Plus a case of hierarchy and instead of cleaning a room in your house, she deems it beneath her to clean the au-pair’s room as she is a younger/newer/lower ‘employee’ than her.

Soldier? Sounds like cleaner is jealous! You call the shots and she's been spoilt. Make your position clear, don't give in on this

I’m a cleaner and you sound like the perfect employer. Your cleaner is being unreasonable but what option do you have? back down, insist or sack her? I’m a light cleaner and clean whatever needs doing, I usually work on my own initiative but I’m there to CLEAN not to pick and choose which rooms I do. It sounds like she resents you getting an au pair or dislikes her or you’ve been too accommodating with her so she thinks she can do what she likes.

I don't have a cleaner. I do my own cleaning. Does that mean because I don't delegate I have a higher standard of cleaning than you?

Probably not as most people don't have a clue about cleaning.

So men have lower cleaning standards?! Wow.

In my experience, yes. Hence you are tarred by association.

Could it be that she is worried she may be accused of touching / moving her things? Maybe she has a previous experience with someone who doesn’t know her well claiming something similar? Just a thought

Blue shoes - the 1950s called.......they want you back......

My father is the best cleaner I know. I don’t think cleaning is some sort of rare mythical skill that needs to be cherished that only a few lucky souls are able to do well..

I think she thinks it is demeaning to clean for someone who is of lower status than her, being a younger adult. If you are happy with her otherwise I would let it go and just ask the au pair to vacuum and dust her own room once a week. She will probably not mind one little bit if she is a tidy person anyway, and it will take her about 15 minutes to do both. I would not make a big case out of it and risk having to find a new cleaner. Call it her little quirk and let it go.

What baffles me is the OP is employed. In a job. So obviously has an ounce of back bone.
And yet doesn’t have the back bone to deal with a really very straightforward situation.

You don’t like, lump it

@EllenMP
So cleaners shouldn’t clean children rooms?

“Lower status”

@OP if you knew me you'd probably think I was sweet and sensible, I don't drink hardly at all, I am an engineer, AND I also have a sex life that would shock someone very conservative. All of those things are not mutually exclusive!!!