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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult supplied my 14yr old with alcohol

135 replies

tigwig76 · 04/02/2019 21:37

My dd has just told me that at the weekend, when having a sleepover with her also 14yr old friend, the dad of this friend bought them 'loads of alcohol'. This translates to a can of pink gin mixer, lager with tequila in it and a VK alcopop. 1 of each per person. All without my knowledge or consent. I have in recent months allowed her to have 1 cocktail whilst with me on holiday but that's it. I've never met the parents and was a bit uncomfortable about the sleepover anyway but can't exactly stop it at 14.
I'm really quite annoyed. Luckily she only drank half of a can and ended up coming home but it could have been so different. Aibu to feel pissed off about this?

OP posts:
Annabk · 04/02/2019 21:41

YANBU, I would be livid!

Maelstrop · 04/02/2019 21:41

I would not be happy that he’s done this without your consent. Are you going to speak to him?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/02/2019 21:42

I’d be annoyed.

But it is the age they start getting introduced to alcohol - you did it yourself with her - so I’d start opening up frank discussions with her about it, and being sensible, saying no etc.

TheDarkPassenger · 04/02/2019 21:43

One cocktail will have more alcohol in it than those put together.
The lager will have tequila flavouring in, not tequila so don’t worry about that.
I don’t really think you’re being unreasonable but I personally wouldn’t be phased by it

sparklyllama · 04/02/2019 21:44

1 of each per person; as in 3 drinks per child?
I would be beyond angry; and I would be considering reporting it Angry

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 04/02/2019 21:45

Last time she goes there then....

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/02/2019 21:46

Reporting it to who?

Oblomov19 · 04/02/2019 21:46

What year is she? Year 9? Lots of drinking at parties started for Ds1 at that time. Bit different to a sleepover though. You clearly
Don't like the friend, or parents.

wowfudge · 04/02/2019 21:47

Reporting what? It's not an offence to give a 14 alcohol in a private home. I agree with the OP though, the parents should have been asked.

YeOldeTrout · 04/02/2019 21:48

Be proud your DD decided it wasn't her scene. You did well.
I don't know if we can advise you if it's worth kicking up a stink.

ErictheGuineaPig · 04/02/2019 21:48

Yanbu. But honestly, I'm surprised you gave her a cocktail. That's a lot of alcohol for such a young teen. It seems to be the thing these days to not only allow young teens access to alcohol but to actually supply it. It seems bonkers to me and to lead to this exact situation - where one parent's idea of acceptable alcohol for a 14 yr old differs from another's. Really a hard and fast no alcohol at this age seems more sensible...

Boyskeepswinging · 04/02/2019 21:48

One cocktail will have more alcohol in it than those put together
This. I don't get why you think it's OK to give your 14 year old a cocktail but you're up in arms about her drinking a lesser amount of alcohol when you're not around?

Original poster
tigwig76 · 04/02/2019 21:49

Yes 3 drinks each. The lager was Desperado which 5.9%. I can't speak to the dad as I've no idea who he is and only know the street where they live not the exact house. She stayed there once before and it was fine. Apparently mum was unaware as he gave them it in her bedroom!

OP posts:
Stuckforthefourthtime · 04/02/2019 21:50

Yanbu I'd be annoyed. Also would say no to a cocktail though.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/02/2019 21:52

Blimey I think not knowing where she was staying was far worse than the fact she drank half a can. I couldn’t relax not knowing where she was overnight.

Imustbemad00 · 04/02/2019 21:53

Is nobody else thinking it sounds a bit sinister

wineoclockthanks · 04/02/2019 21:53

I would be very unhappy about the alcohol but I'm amazed you didn't know exactly where she was.

Imustbemad00 · 04/02/2019 21:54

@ThroughThickAndThin01
My daughter has stayed at several friends houses whose exact addresss I do not know. Usually have the parents numbers though.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/02/2019 21:55

I think that’s a bit odd, I couldn’t have done it.

Oddcat · 04/02/2019 21:55

I wonder why the father gave them alcohol- did they ask for it ( doesn't sound as if your dd would have done ). I would say he has poor judgement. It doesn't matter what the amount of booze was , it's one thing giving it to your own child but another matter giving it to someone else's.

Divgirl2 · 04/02/2019 21:56

There's sensibly introducing your child to alcohol, and there's introducing your child to getting hammered. I'm not saying 3 alcoholic drinks would get you smashed but assuming it's one unit per drink (it's more than that - premixed Gordon's is 1.25, bottle of desperados is 2ish, a bottle of VK is about 1) that would take you over the daily allowance for a woman.
I think you're right to be upset, although not at your daughter. Sounds like she was fairly sensible really.

TheBigFatMermaid · 04/02/2019 21:56

I don't think you are unreasonable to be angry that someone has given her alcohol, but I do think you are unreasonable when you say a bit uncomfortable about the sleepover anyway but can't exactly stop it at 14.. Why can you not stop it? I have a 24 year old DD and a 13 year old DD. I could not stop my DD moving in with her BF just before she was 18, or marrying him when she was 19, but I am pretty sure I could have stopped her from going on a sleepover I was unhappy with at 14.

Certainly I do not let DD2 go anywhere I am not happy about and I don't see that magically changing on her next birthday.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 04/02/2019 21:57

One each and I would say “welllllll” but 3 each Shock and it’s an awful combo to mix as well...

What was he thinking?

I would use this as an opportunity to have a word with your child about sensible drinking and the hazards of mixing which can be a recipe for disaster. Envy not envy

Ultimately there are loads of dickheads (like her friends dad) out there and unfortunately your daughter will come into contact with a plethora of them in the coming years... all you can do is hope you have taught your child to be responsible.

I would tell the father in no uncertain terms never to do it again though

pippety · 04/02/2019 21:58

Is nobody else thinking it sounds a bit sinister

^this

I’d explain to your daughter exactly why this man’s behaviour is seriously suspect!

Original poster
tigwig76 · 04/02/2019 21:58

Would 1 cocktail really contain more alcohol than all of those 3 drinks? It was while we were in Spain in Dec. We all had the same one. It certainly didn't taste strong at all. Must have been a tiny bit of vodka and the rest fruit juice. Not like the usual mixers you can get where they fill over half a glass with spirits and a drop of coke!
I guess I'm annoyed because it was someone else's decision to give her it, not in my control. And I have only ever allowed 1 drink not 3 at once.

OP posts: