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AIBU?

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Original poster

Adult supplied my 14yr old with alcohol

135 replies

tigwig76 · 04/02/2019 21:37

My dd has just told me that at the weekend, when having a sleepover with her also 14yr old friend, the dad of this friend bought them 'loads of alcohol'. This translates to a can of pink gin mixer, lager with tequila in it and a VK alcopop. 1 of each per person. All without my knowledge or consent. I have in recent months allowed her to have 1 cocktail whilst with me on holiday but that's it. I've never met the parents and was a bit uncomfortable about the sleepover anyway but can't exactly stop it at 14.
I'm really quite annoyed. Luckily she only drank half of a can and ended up coming home but it could have been so different. Aibu to feel pissed off about this?

OP posts:
Lovingbenidorm · 04/02/2019 23:31

Amazed that you allowed your 14yo dd to stay at a house where you don’t know the parent in charge, let alone the ‘exact’ house!?
You then find out the father gave the girls alcohol in the bedroom.
Wtf
You need to be having discussions with dd re alcohol and inappropriate behaviour from adults.

MrsKoala · 04/02/2019 23:35

Is anyone else imagining their DH sneaking booze upstairs to 14/15 year old girls in their bedroom? Because I am trying to get my head round how utterly creepy that would be and how angry I would be if he did (not that he would).

This guy is either trying to pretend he's young and cool or has more sinister motives (I met lots of friends dads like that when I was 15 and when I look back I think wtf).

SlinkyDinkyDoo · 04/02/2019 23:36

I'm more shocked that you didn't know the house number of where your daughter was staying.

I think the dad was in the wrong in this situation.

Lovingbenidorm · 04/02/2019 23:37

What MrsKoala said

sahknowme · 04/02/2019 23:39

Sounds really dodgy to me. I'd be making sure the friend's mum knew what happened. Not sure there's anyway to report it, but I'd be looking that up too.

FortunesFave · 04/02/2019 23:45

All you need to do is ensure your child is NEVER in that man's house again.

gluteustothemaximus · 04/02/2019 23:45

I'm picturing my DD and friends at a sleepover here and DH giving them a mix of drinks. Not in a million years.

BlueTrees123 · 04/02/2019 23:53

I think you really need to get a grip OP. It's great that you have such an open relationship with your DD that she felt able to tell you this, but it won't last much longer if you go in all guns blazing over such a minor thing. Some people parent differently to you. Get over it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/02/2019 23:56

The alcohol itself wouldnt worry so much, its the lack of your consent. I was drinking at that age and it would have been much safer to do with adult supervision than getting trollied underage in a dodgy pub as we used to do. Or twatted on vodka in the park as some kids at school did when one of them almost died and has lifelong issues as a result.

I would have said ok to 2 alcopops or the lager (Desperado? Its no stronger than other lagers) and 1 alcopop. 3 would be too many imo. He was dick to do it without asking your first and that would annoy me. Trick is to dicsuss it with your kids before the party.

We have an agreement (unspoken, we all just do it!) with other parents. If there is a party then there is no spirits allowed, nothing stronger than lager (about 4%) and no one has more than 4 drinks (they are 17 now). If anyone acts the arse then they are to be sent home, the thought of being marched out by me has kept DD on the straight and narrow (ish) :o

Nanny0gg · 04/02/2019 23:56

Is it that bad to not know an exact address really?

Yes. My kids went to houses where I occasionally hadn't met the parents when they got to secondary school but I always knew the address of where they were staying as well has having phone numbers.
Don't rely on phones. How many times do the batteries die?

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/02/2019 23:58

Oh I take it back, actually the Desperados are 5.9% and I work in the industry so if I didnt know that there is a good chance he didnt realise. Not ok to do with it without your consent though.

getawayslough · 05/02/2019 00:25

''I've never met the parents and was a bit uncomfortable about the sleepover anyway but can't exactly stop it at 14.;;

ok i think before you look at anybody's parenting here you need to look at your own, wtf do you mean she is 14 so you cannot stop a sleepover???? Yes you can, she is a child, i'd understand this if she was almost 18-she is 14 ffs and YOU are in charge. And worse is that you'd allow your kid to slle in a houst at 14 where you never met the parents. Sorry op but that is worrying and bad parenting.

MistressDeeCee · 05/02/2019 00:30

YANBU & I'm slightly surprised so many think it's ok for a grown man to give a 14 year old girl alcohol. & that they are comparing that to her having a drink with her mum at home.

Only slightly tho, as people give a pass for off-key behaviour more so nowadays.

It's obtuse to even attempt to compare.

I would have a word and I wouldn't let her sleep over there again.

getawayslough · 05/02/2019 00:33

''YANBU & I'm slightly surprised so many think it's ok for a grown man to give a 14 year old girl alcohol. & that they are comparing that to her having a drink with her mum at home. ''

more suprised that more posters aren't calling out the op for being so irresponsible for letting their 14 to stay in a house where she doesn't know the address or the parents and then says it is because she is 14 so couldn't stop it.... my god and people wonder why Britain is going down the toilet.

Kattyy · 05/02/2019 00:45

Hmmmm... seriously? You have cocktails with a 14yo? What exactly are you complaining about?

Kattyy · 05/02/2019 00:50

Wtf? Just read the rest of it now- creepy dad, unknown neighbours and drinks for a sleepover. U get the mum of the year award

Graphista · 05/02/2019 01:07

Doinitforthekids - I can assure you I'm well aware of the risks and where they come from. I wasn't safe in my own home. However, that's no excuse to take UNNECESSARY risks, which I and others apparently, think the op did here!

FortunesFave · 05/02/2019 01:19

Slough I agree about knowing where a 14 year old is. My 14 year old has to give me the address and phone number of her friend if I don't know them. I've also had calls from her friend's parents before they have slept here....they're being responsible and touching base.

Oblomov19 · 05/02/2019 05:56

LadyFilth:

"I have, very rarely, vetoed sleepovers, having found out more about the families she has been proposing to stay with. So, yes, you can say no."

Really? Goodness what would instigate that?

Things are s not different here. Closer? There are 6 primary feeder schools, so a wide area, but parents are quite chatty. I know most of ds's friends, tonnes of them, and their parents.

Ds1 is forever off at parties, sleepovers. But I always know the address, normally get a text from mum.

funnily enough have met most of his new secondary friends mums at Parents evenings, Year 10 option evenings meetings etc, duke of Edinburgh meetings etc, dropping at houses for birthdays etc, even though it's a huge huge school.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 05/02/2019 06:17

It’s telling that your DD left early
Maybe her spider senses were tingling a bit . I would probe a bit .

You have a sensible DD and it sounds like this is an opening to discuss some more serious issues , possibly ?

And nothing bad happened . So that’s a good thing

JenniferJareau · 05/02/2019 06:41

Is it that bad to not know an exact address really?

Yes, really.

beanaseireann · 05/02/2019 07:33

What was her reason for coming home early ?
I'd investigate that subtly.
An adult giving young teens alcohol in a bedroom Shock

longwayoff · 05/02/2019 07:43

You don't know who dad is or where the house is? That's not good at all, mum, shape up.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 05/02/2019 07:43

Op get the mum's phone number if you can and let her know that her dp has given her drink.It doesn't need to be a slanging match but if you don't know much about the family(I'm assuming ) then the dad could be a step dad or maybe just a boyfriend.You need to know who's house your dd has been in

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 05/02/2019 07:53

Iwould be considering reporting it Angry

Report it tho who? As much as it’s beyond the pale a 5 year old can have an alcohol drink in a private home, that’s the law!

Thankfully 99% of the population wouldn’t even contemplate giving such a young child alcohol .