Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult supplied my 14yr old with alcohol

135 replies

tigwig76 · 04/02/2019 21:37

My dd has just told me that at the weekend, when having a sleepover with her also 14yr old friend, the dad of this friend bought them 'loads of alcohol'. This translates to a can of pink gin mixer, lager with tequila in it and a VK alcopop. 1 of each per person. All without my knowledge or consent. I have in recent months allowed her to have 1 cocktail whilst with me on holiday but that's it. I've never met the parents and was a bit uncomfortable about the sleepover anyway but can't exactly stop it at 14.
I'm really quite annoyed. Luckily she only drank half of a can and ended up coming home but it could have been so different. Aibu to feel pissed off about this?

OP posts:
foodenvy · 04/02/2019 21:59

I'd be angry about this. It's not his place to decide if your underage daughter drinks alcohol. I would be speaking to him about it and putting him right.

Mixedbags · 04/02/2019 22:01

If you are concerned you maybe should have queries it with the dad at pick up? Did they drop her back to you? Teenagers can be very persuasive at this age and the story can change. It does seem odd that the dad just gave them this alcohol. It seems strange you are worried about this but not where she was staying? Did she actually stay there?

Hermano · 04/02/2019 22:03

Is noone else alarmed by the father giving 14 Yr old girls 3 alcoholic drinks each in a bedoom? Really?

I'm pretty laissez faire when it comes to parenting and alcohol but this would have my alarm bells ringing loudly, especially if I didn't know the family

Not saying anything sinister was going on, but the story we've got so far doesn't look good does it?

OP I'm really glad your daughter had the sense to think this wasn't her scene and came home. You could gently ask her a bit more, try and gauge whether she had a funny feeling about the dad. I'd be very keen to keep her away from the dad until I was convinced he wasn't up to no good tbh

Missingstreetlife · 04/02/2019 22:03

I think people should know where their kids are!
This is dodgy, it's quite different to have a drink with your mum, or even with friends, than in a bedroom with a strange bloke. Hope he is just being cool dad, but it could be grooming. Praise her for telling you. Why do you think at 14 she doesn't need permission to stay out?
Totally inappropriate, I'd speak to the mum.

Original poster
tigwig76 · 04/02/2019 22:03

She's in yr 10 btw so nearly 15. I'm very glad she came home. Obviously I could have forbidden her sleeping over but this was the 2nd time. 1st time they bought her a takeaway and she had a lovely time. I did text the mum to make sure she was ok with it. When I say uncomfortable I mean because I hate her not being here. But at nearly 15 I can't really ban sleepovers! But will do for this particular friend.

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 04/02/2019 22:03

I would be wondering why the dad is giving the girls alcohol and the mum has no idea! This sounds weird to me and even if it's innocent I wpuld not be happy.
At 14 I went out and drank with friends (stupidly) but none of my friends dad's wpuld have secretly given us alcohol!

JamPasty · 04/02/2019 22:04

I thought that half the point of cocktails was that they don't taste that strong, but in actual fact are massively alcoholic. Probably not a good starter drink for a child, especially if you're not 100% sure how much alcohol is in them

babybabybaby1 · 04/02/2019 22:04

I would have been uncomfortable for my child to sleep somewhere I hadn't met their parents or even knew the door number. As for the mother not even knowing, rings alarm bells and even worse that you hadn't even met them!

Hermano · 04/02/2019 22:06

I agree with the PP who pointed out this is the dad giving alcohol without the mum knowing. Surely that in itself is a big red flag. Not trying to alarm you but very suspect. What possible reason could be ok for this?

Maelstrop · 04/02/2019 22:06

The extra info definitely sounds odd, giving the kids booze in secret in the bedroom and mum unaware! Maybe invite the friend to yours so you’re in control of the situation.

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/02/2019 22:08

WHAT?? That is not on - at all! Last time she goes there then!!

cheesemongery · 04/02/2019 22:09

This would have me fuming, sadly I have been there with my son. His friend's Mum was not only buying him alcohol at 14, she was giving him cigarettes!

The worst years of my life trying to keep him away from that family.

RolandDeschainsGilly · 04/02/2019 22:09

So a grown man gives underage girls alcohol on the sly?

Grim and creepy AF.

Original poster
tigwig76 · 04/02/2019 22:10

I'd not initially thought of anything sinister but now I am. It's making my skin crawl! I'm going to have another chat with her tomorrow. Subtly. Friend's mum brought her home late around 11ish. I was in bed poorly but she has her own key. Is it that bad to not know an exact address really? She's contactable as always has her phone in her hand lol and has known this friend for years. You don't meet other parents when they're at high school do you? I text the mum and asked dd where they lived so knew roughly. Not sure what difference having a full address would make. If dd needed me she could call. Thankfully she made her excuses and asked to come home! We are a few mins drive away.

OP posts:
Fraying · 04/02/2019 22:10

You were uncomfortable about the sleepover but didn't even find out the address? You're worried about the number of drinks but not the alcohol content? You're not concerned that the dad secretly plied teenage girls with alcohol?
atm it sounds as though your DD's judgement is better than your's. Of course you can ban sleepovers and alcohol. You're her parent.

Foxyscarf · 04/02/2019 22:10

Are you sure she's telling you the truth? I told my mum all kinds of lies at her age to cover up my teenage binge drinking.

If she is telling the truth, I would be worried about why a grown man is plying young girls with drink.

AngelontopoftheTree · 04/02/2019 22:10

Luckily she only drank half of a can and ended up coming home but it could have been so different

Why did she come home early? Was she uncomfortable with the whole situation? Definitely worth a chat!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/02/2019 22:11

Better hope she never runs out of battery, and always has a full signal.

Ghanagirl · 04/02/2019 22:13

@tigwig76
I wouldn’t be happy with that at all but also wouldn’t let my precious girl stay with someone I’ve never met at 14.
You’re supposed to be in charge when she’s still a child.
You’re responsible for this situation.

Somewhereovertheroad · 04/02/2019 22:13

Hermano my thoughts exactly.

IncrediblySadToo · 04/02/2019 22:13

I wouldn’t let anyone else’s 14yo DC have any alcohol under my supervision, let alone 3, but in this situation it would be the least of my concerns. My main concern would be why he was playing young teenage girls with alcohol...creepy as fuck.

Cheeeeislifenow · 04/02/2019 22:15

A cocktail in Spain is probably watered down to nothing.
Yanbu he had no right, I would query it with the mother and see if she knows this is going on. It sounds dodgy and totally innapropriate.

Stefoscope · 04/02/2019 22:16

3 drinks is a lot for that age, also not great to encourage young teens to mix 3 different types of alcohol!

Schweetcorn0000 · 04/02/2019 22:16

I’d be furious if also be highly suspicious - sorry but I would that’s well dodgy. You absolutely can stop her going on sleep overs at 14 she is still a child. If your not 100 percent happy about her doing something don’t allow it- looks like your instincts were right this time. I’d be having a stern word with that parent too.

Somewhereovertheroad · 04/02/2019 22:17

There is no way my Dh would even enter a bedroom with girls sleeping over as he would realise it could be misconstrued.

Dodgy, Dodgy, Dodgy!