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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a home birth for first baby?

226 replies

User383673 · 04/02/2019 15:51

I would NEVER have had myself down as a home birth kind of person. Have always said I would want an epidural right away. But I’ve been doing a lot of research and I am now thinking that actually a home birth might be right for me. Here are the pros and cons as I see it:

pros

Get to be at home - much nicer & more enjoyable

DH truly useless in hospitals, will probably faint

I also hate hospitals

Worried about cascade of intervention

Kept in hospital for things you wouldn’t be sent to hospital for

Guaranteed birthing pool (if I hire)

2 midwives just for you

Less likely to tear & have forceps used

cons

Slightly increased risk of poor outcome

No epidural

Maybe a bit old? (30)

Likely to end up in hospital anyway

What if it all goes wrong?

Has anyone had a home birth for a first pregnancy? Does anyone have advice / experience to share?

Thank you!

OP posts:
Hollowvictory · 04/02/2019 15:53

What pain relief can you have at home? How do you know you wont want an epidural ?

KittyMcTitty · 04/02/2019 15:54

I was planning on having one until I had a presentation scan and my baby was small breech and low fluid. So good job I didn’t. Two friends had one and they struggled to get a midwife in time but both were smooth no problem labours which they sort of enjoyed for all the reasons you say.
You have to weigh up the risks. How far from a hospital are you??

Catscratchclub · 04/02/2019 15:55

Honestly? Ds would have died if we had been at home. It’s too big a risk for me to take, because if it goes wrong the stakes are so high. Can you look at the midwife led units in the hospitals instead? Sorry, I feel bad typing what I have, but I shiver at the thought of what would have happened if I’d even gone to a different hospital never mind been at home Flowers

Original poster
User383673 · 04/02/2019 15:56

You can have Pethidine and gas & air at home. I think it’s probably quite likely I will want an epidural! That’s apparently a major reason so many first timers get transferred to hospital, so they can have an epidural. That’s quite comforting to me because if it got too much I could go to hospital and have an epidural. Although the transfer might not be fun...

OP posts:
Cwtches123 · 04/02/2019 15:56

I was set for a homebirth with my first, I was 37 but I had eclampsia from 36 weeks and had to change to hospital. Same happened with DC2!!!

Original poster
User383673 · 04/02/2019 15:58

Catscratchclub so glad you are ok Flowers and don’t feel bad! It’s my big fear that something could go wrong so definitely not dismissing it.

KittyMcTitty about 20 mins in normal traffic

OP posts:
UnalliterativeGeorge · 04/02/2019 15:59

Either I or DS or both would have died if I'd had a homebirth for my first birth. I had absolutely no high risk factors either.

Original poster
User383673 · 04/02/2019 15:59

Cwtches123 aww that’s a shame! Glad you’re all ok though!

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 04/02/2019 16:00

If it's what you want yanbu. I decided not to for first as transfer rates are so high and I decided I'd rather have a planned trip to hospital. However I now wonder if I'd have had a better experience if I'd stayed at home. I'm having a home birth for my second. You actually get more attention /care from midwives as they are there to focus on you. I'd say if you've researched and understand the risks (and going to hospital is a risk for escalated interventions) then go for it. There are a couple of home birth support groups on FB which I find really helpful.

Hollowvictory · 04/02/2019 16:02

Hmmm well i know plenty people who couldn't have an epidural because there was no anaesthetist available it's not as simple as that. I'd get to hospital early for a better chance.

GailTheFish · 04/02/2019 16:02

If you do go for a home birth, it is worth asking what the transfer arrangements are. I had planned a home birth with DS1 (had a birth pool set up the front room and everything!), but he wasn’t playing along and I ended up being transferred to hospital. It was a two hour wait for an ambulance which was such a long time to wait (though I’m sure would have been quicker if there had been an emergency and can understand that proper emergencies take priority), and the midwife wouldn’t let us use our car. It also meant that in the hospital I went straight to the consultant led unit and not the midwife led unit so no chance of birth pool at the hospital. Not saying that you’ll have the same experience at all, it very much depends on your area I think, but it is worth asking what the arrangements are for hospital transfer.

DuffBeer · 04/02/2019 16:02

I was at a stand-alone midwife unit, 40 mins from the nearest hospital. So, not too dissimilar to a home birth!

Unfortunately things did not pan out well for me, I was blue lighted in when things started going wrong at the pushing stage.

I too, was low risk, no issues during pregnancy.

You just don't know what might happen, that's the roll of the dice.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 04/02/2019 16:03

Speak to your midwife about it.

They are very very cautious when caring for a woman having a homebirth and will transfer you at the first sign of any hint of trouble. Something like 40% of first timers get transferred, so depending on how far away your nearest hospital is, I wouldn’t let that put you off.

I’d love a home birth with dc2, but we don’t have the room for a pool and our bedroom is all white which seems like a recipe for disaster, plus DH thinks it’s mental, so looks like the MLU for me!

Crunchymum · 04/02/2019 16:05

Very small sample here..... but I've just done a quick mental calculation. Out of the first 10 people I can think of, 9 of them needed "hospital help" with their first child... including my best friend who had a failed home birth (blue lighted to hospital, emergency section and PTSD so she's never been able to tell me the full story as she prefers not to talk about it)

I myself ended up moving from birth centre to labour ward when I stalled at 6cm.

The good news is, you can have a very "natural" experience in a hospital setting. Most (large?) hospitals now have birth centres and my DC2 was born there with just me, DP and the MW.

Even my induction didn't end up being too medical. It was DC3 though!

Just give yourself options. Don't be too prescriptive or set your mind on a 'perfect birth'.... a hospital based birth centre offers you the best of all worlds. You can go as natural as you want but you have medical help on hand or the option to move to labour ward for harder drugs if you need them.

Excuse typos. My preview isn't working.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 04/02/2019 16:05

Those who say ‘if I gave birth at home, my baby would have died’ are rarely right. You aren’t comparing like for like. It is very safe to have a home birth. Do your research and make your own decision. Listening to others (including me!) and their birth stories isn’t very helpful.

BunnyTeapot · 04/02/2019 16:06

It is completely your choice but can i ask why are you less likely to tear if you have a homebirth?

Original poster
User383673 · 04/02/2019 16:06

GailTheFish those are really good points, thank you!

Midwife led unit is feeling like a good compromise, I definitely need to research that.

The stories of things going wrong are the hardest part. I know that statistically the risk is low, but if you’re the one it goes wrong for that’s no comfort!

Thanks so much everyone for your input, it’s very helpful

OP posts:
TillyMint81 · 04/02/2019 16:06

My third was a hb and it was wonderful. I'm on a fb hb page and there are plenty of first time mums who have had or plan to have a hb.
Do some research, attend a hb meeting. It was the best thing I ever did.

BiscuitStories · 04/02/2019 16:07

you need to keep an open mind, and do what you feel is best.
How far are you from an hospital if you need one?

The only person I know who tried ended up blue-lighted to hospital (both mum and baby completely fine).

There is something reassuring about being in hospital if anything goes wrong, and it's unlikely you would go through a cascade of intervention unless absolutely necessary.

You really need to battle to have an epidural late in labour, most anaesthetists refuse past a certain point so depending on how fast your labour progresses, you must make up your mind quickly.

The UK tends to be against epidural, and push home birth or birthing centres (with no epidural available...) but in my own experience, they are the best thing ever! Pethidine makes you throw up, I strongly refused to even try. Other mothers are really positive about it!

Jingledalltheway · 04/02/2019 16:07

I wanted my 1st at home bit listened to everyone around me and went to hospital instead.
Put my foot down with my 2nd and had her at home.
3rd was planned home birth but waters went and labour didn't follow so had to be induced.

2nd birth was 100% better. I loved it. I'm so disappointed I couldn't do it with my other two. I'd recommend it to anyone. Far better experience than a hospital.

MilkybarsROnMe · 04/02/2019 16:08

I didn't have one personally but know 2 people who tried for their first birth and both ended up in hospital, both had a happy outcome but they needed to go to hospital.

I thought about home birth for my second but my first baby was face up and stuck so I needed help, I was a bit worried it could happen again. A good friend of mine her sister in law is a gp and would not have home births for either of her children, that swayed me not to have one in the end.

It's completely up to you but I think the benefits of a home birth don't outweigh the risks with a first baby. For me personally I actually felt "safer" when I'd arrived at hospital after labouring at home, it was as though I knew help was a button away if something went wrong. My friend was opposite though and it made her feel more frightened, she did have a lovely home water birth for her second baby.

picklemepopcorn · 04/02/2019 16:08

I had HB with my first, all the same reasons as you. Was great. Planned it for second, but he wouldn't get going so had to be induced.

I was about 20mins max from a hospital though. Depends where you are, I think.

gruffalomom · 04/02/2019 16:08

Best thing is to talk it through with your midwives. They will be totally honest about the risks and be able to help you make an informed decision. You will hear lots of stories about births that could have gone horribly wrong at home and lots of beautiful homebirth stories too, so it's hard for us to guide you! I can tell you from my research that I found there was a slightly higher risk at home for birth 1 on average than in hospital. for subsequent births the risks were slightly less at home than hospital. I opted for a midwife led hospital birth for my first, after reading the risks and understanding that the likelihood of needing a transfer would be high - either for pain relief or complication. As it was I had a totally natural birth in the hospital and it was a wonderful experience. For my second I had a home birth and again it was completely natural but not as great as the first, mainly I think because I had a better midwife first time.
I guess my point is it is totally down to what you feel comfortable with and to the midwives advice. Home doesn't necessarily mean a better experience even if your plan is a natural birth. Try not to get too fixed on your ideas for an ideal birth as it is unpredictable! And however you deliver the most important thing is that you both stay healthy!

Original poster
User383673 · 04/02/2019 16:09

BunnyTeapot I can’t remember exactly where I read it but I think it’s because tearing is much more common with foreceps, and it’s much more likely that foreceps will be used in hospitals, if that makes sense.

Just give yourself options. Don't be too prescriptive or set your mind on a 'perfect birth'.... I definitely need to be careful about this! It’s too easy to imagine you can plan for everything.

OP posts:
Blanca87 · 04/02/2019 16:09

I had two home births for my two girls. It was great. I seeked lots of advice to ensure I made an informed choice and so glad I did it. I was 33 for my first home birth and 37 for my second.