AIBU to want a home birth for first baby?

[User383673]

I would NEVER have had myself down as a home birth kind of person. Have always said I would want an epidural right away. But I’ve been doing a lot of research and I am now thinking that actually a home birth might be right for me. Here are the pros and cons as I see it:

pros

Get to be at home - much nicer & more enjoyable

DH truly useless in hospitals, will probably faint

I also hate hospitals

Worried about cascade of intervention

Kept in hospital for things you wouldn’t be sent to hospital for

Guaranteed birthing pool (if I hire)

2 midwives just for you

Less likely to tear & have forceps used

cons

Slightly increased risk of poor outcome

No epidural

Maybe a bit old? (30)

Likely to end up in hospital anyway

What if it all goes wrong?

Has anyone had a home birth for a first pregnancy? Does anyone have advice / experience to share?

Thank you!

I have had a hospital birth and a home birth. I much preferred my home birth. I was blue lighted in after the birth as I lost 6.5L of blood but I wouldn't change my home birth for anything. I felt much more in control and relaxed. I was about 20 mins from hospital in an ambulance. My other choice was a midwife led unit but that was further away from the hospital anyway so I made the informed choice to stay at home.

I would say go to the home birth talks, do proper research, think about what you want and then make a choice. You can always change your mind at any point and go into hospital anyway. Its harder to stay at home without a pre booked home birth. Although they will send a midwife out anyway as you can choose to stay at home. I would plan it that way though so you have the box of home birth stuff ready to go at home.

Hi - I was very clear that I wanted a home birth with my first ( had one with all three) Things can go wrong in hospital particularly when they are busy. My advice, if you can afford it, is to go for an independent midwife. You can pay in instalments and I wish I’d done it with my first as they were much more supportive than my community midwives. I absolutely don’t regret it and would do exactly the same thing again.

Had a homebirth with my first, it was lovely. Chose a hospital birth with my second as I had a complicated pregnancy.

Was also a home birth midwife for many years and loved it. Remember your midwife’s first priority is you and your baby’s safety and your midwife will not support (which is different to provide) a homebirth if they feel it’s unsafe. Talk to them.

I had a hb for my first (36 years old) and 2nd (39). Had I been in hospital, it would have been an 'emergency' c section for number 1, as I pushed for 5 hours. But baby was calm, I was calm and I preferred a home delivery. All went well, though tiring. Sadly baby developed a grunt at 1 hour old and we were blue lighted in.... still so glad we had the birth at home. Baby 2 was great delivery at home. Baby 3 was induced in hospital as I was 42 weeks, aged 42, and baby was in an unstable lie and kept going breech. Tore my pelvic muscles during that birth (still not attached properly on one side, 3 years later), and begged for an epidural but never got it. My husband has PTSD from watching me. I genuinely think wherever you are most relaxed is where you'll have the best outcome (caveat that you can get to a hospital in a reasonable time).

All of mine were hb - was mid 30s with first and over 40 with 3rd. I felt strongly that I would react better at home and would do the things my body needed to and that did seem to work. Had gas and air for number 1 plus tens machine - it was enough. With subsequent births there wasn't enough time between m/w and baby arriving to fix up the mouthpiece! (2nd stage vv fast in both). All good. I did LOTS of reading beforehand and kept an open mind. All lovely births.

@LaurieMarlow, as pp said, statistically speaking, catastrophic births are more likely in hospital because the higher risk pregnancies tend to be looked after there.

OP, stats are irrelevant really and can give you a false sense of security. Obviously I hope your labour goes well regardless of what you choose. However, in the rare event that it doesn't, you won't give a shit if you're 1 in 1000 to have an awful complication. The complication would still be awful. Being in hospital can reduce the extent of awful, which being at home won't ...simply because it's not equipped nor staffed. For example - while you might have a chance of surviving an amniotic fluid embolism in hospital and a smaller chance of total recovery from it, it's simply impossible to survive one at home.

No matter how experienced the midwives, it can still all go wrong because it's always a game of chance. I've seen it with a third uncomplicated pregnancy where a woman chose a home birth for all the right reasons. And no, midwife experience and being close to hospital and all the other things that were done right did not save the baby. The only thing that could have would have been being in hospital for the last hour or so of labour.

When they say "small risk of poor outcome" it's easy to make the "poor outcome" bit also seem "small" in our heads. Poor outcome is actually "death" or worse, life long severe brain damage for either the mum and/or baby.

We are all different in terms of what risk we will accept, but please make sure you don't accidentally over-minimise both the odds of the event and the badness of the event when you make the decision.

Lastly, labour is messy - there may be blood, poo, fluids of all sorts - not sure whether that would make your DH more or less useless?

I planned a homebirth for my first, for all the reasons you list and simply because I’m terrified of hospitals and was considered ‘low risk’. We transferred in and had multiple complications after 12hrs where both me and DS were very poorly.
This pregnancy is considered high risk and consultant led because of the complications last time (haemorrhage being the main issue, as well as a large baby).

I absolutely support homebirth but personally wonder how anyone can say for sure a first time mum can be low risk - there’s no obstetric history to take that view on. Had I had a normal first delivery I would 100% have a second home birth, and I still intend to stay at home as long as possible this time!

Just my opinion, best of luck whatever you decide to do, your baby, your body, your birth.

Thank you so much everyone, loads of incredibly helpful perspectives on both sides! And things (for and against) that I hadn’t considered which is really helpful.

When they say "small risk of poor outcome" it's easy to make the "poor outcome" bit also seem "small" in our heads. Poor outcome is actually "death" or worse, life long severe brain damage for either the mum and/or baby

This is definitely the thing that gives me most thought - I know the risk is small, but the consequence of the risk is huge. It’s something I need to think carefully about and discuss with midwives.

Re mess / blood etc I thiiink my DH would be ok. He has uncomplainingly looked after me and dealt with some pretty horrific periods and one bout of gastroenteritis that I still don’t want to talk about . He just has such a phobia of needles etc. Even talking about them can make him faint.

I have had all of my three children at home. So glad I did when I've heard my friends experiences of hospital births. I live 10-15 mins from the maternity hospital and the midwives operate an over cautious approach to hospital transfers from home so I felt happy with that. With each birth I just planned to stay at home as long as I could in case I needed to go into hospital. good luck whatever you decide to do!

I totally get the appeal of homebirths and I feel similarly to your husband about hospitals, but the only person I know who had a homebirth for their first ended up being bluelighted to hospital and both she and baby were in trouble at one point. I can't get past that!
I would definitely look at a midwife-led unit. That was the only place I looked around when pregnant with DS1 that didn't make me cry. Unfortunately I went too far overdue and couldn't go there in the end, but it seemed like a great option. That's what I would do and then, if all goes well, look at a homebirth for any subsequent babies (!)

Just please remember that when they talk about lowered risks, it's all based on statistics, and that means nothing if you just so happen to be the 1 in however many it goes wrong for!

If there are any local midwife led centres, I would recommend those as a compromise. The "home from home" suites at st Thomas were amazing. I've stayed in worse hotels

I didn’t see any mess - although admittedly I was at the top end. MWs scoop everything up and take it away with them. Just use old sheets and towels.

I had home births with both my babies. Absolutely amazing experiences, both of them. I was so much more relaxed for being at home, and the home-birth team at my hospital were the most wonderful midwives. Like yours, my husband is awful with hospitals and though ultimately I didn’t make the decision for him, giving birth somewhere that he felt relaxed and happy made so much difference to me and my happiness and stress levels.

I was 32 and 35 with my births so you’re definitely not too old.

It is obviously worth being aware of how long it would take to get to hospital should you need to be transferred and also that they do move first timers in quite quickly as a precautionary measure (but that doesn’t mean you will be). Interestingly, my son’s heartbeat started slowing during my second birth - they told me after that because I’d already birthed one baby they were happy to let me continue at home (though obviously that would have changed had his situation worsened) but if I’d been a first timer I would have been blue lighted. Fortunately for me it was just that I was in an awkward position for him.

Good luck!

Oh I recommend having a doula if you do opt for a homebirth! She was on call 24 hrs, came over at 5am when my contractions started, put up and filled the pool, rubbed my back, filled the bath, helped me with my hypnobirthing techniques, got me drinks etc. For me it was a necessity as I was on my own with no DP but a doula is there to support you and your DP and do the running around/organising/fetching which leaves him free to not have to do that stuff.

Yeah surely the ‘mess’ of birth is just dealt with by midwives the same way it would be at a hospital? I doubt all your soft furnishings will be ruined by a planned homebirth. Seems a very odd reason to choose a hospital birth

You’re quite likely to go over dates with your first. Lots of first time mums need an induction.

My labours were both in hospital and both 'wrong'... first was emcs under General anaesthetic... second was forceps... both ttimes due to drop in heart rate... BUT this did all happen quite slowly. You get quite a lot of warning of a Labour going badly... for 2 hours or so (with both), I knew things are starting to go wrong.
Id go for it... they can al always blue light you in. And when you call with this sort of emergency they come quick.

I had my first and second babies at home, most wonderful births! Felt totally in control.
Was in and out of bath, walked round the garden was lovely.
Once born I was tucked up in bed with bacon sandwiches whilst midwife tidied up, couldn't recommend them enough especially compared to number 3 who was induced and I had on labour ward.
Number 4 was born at the midwife lead unit which is a good compromise.

Cons: cleaning up afterwards when you've got a new baby to look after.

Contrary to popular belief, there’s really not that much mess to deal with!
I had plastic dust sheets taped to my carpet and my sofa, and a ton of the hospital absorbent inco pads. All of it was bundled up by the midwife and put in a yellow medical waste bag which they took with them when they left. My living room looked exactly the same as always!

1st birth was home birth and was fab. The MWs do 90% of the tidying up.

Planned hb with first and had to transfer due to failure to progress, after 40 odd hrs at home. Was gutted but had to happen and still so glad for the time I had at home. Got syntocin at hospital to hurry it along, then epidural but thankfully no forceps etc but felt like the cascade of interventions set in motion. I believe now with hindsight it would’ve probably been ok to stay at home had I moved more actively to get baby into a better position. But impossible to say for sure.

Second time had a wonderful birth at home.

My advice would be to be cautious about who you discuss it with if you decide to go ahead - I found other people needed to share their anxieties and this was really stressful as it wasn’t about them, I really didn’t need to be reassuring people or defending my decisions.

Working for the NHS for a department that deals with children with disabilities, you won't believe how many children have conditions caused from lack of oxygen at birth - Steaming from the transfer time from home to hospital in an ambulance.

Don't want to scare you but it does happen.

I had my baby 3 weeks ago and transferred from my local midwife led unit (with no doctors) to a hospital further away just incase there were any complications and I needed a doctor. Better to have the precautions there I my opinion - everyone is different though!

I too wanted the epidural but there wasn't time as just as they were about to insert the needle, baby's head was out.
And from my experience, the contractions were a million times worse than the actual birthing of baby.. I'd you can get through the contractions, you got this in the bag without epidural..

Good luck!! Xxxx

I think my step daughter and husband had to do the cleaning up . How does one empty a birthing pool? Is there an easy way?

And in regards to the 'cleaning up' people are talking about, everyone is different, I lost 45ml of blood giving birth. The midwife who delivered my baby was flabbergasted at how little there was. The bed was basically clean when I got up to shower lol xx