Just to reiterate, I DON'T think that the man should make the decision, I was just a bit distressed by a lack of understanding that taking this, often near-impossible decision, does have two parties emotionally involved.
There isn't a lack of understanding that two parties are emotionally involved. There's been plenty of acknowledgment that each individual circumstance of this type has involved distress for the man. But I didn't ask you if you thought the man should be able to 'make the decision'; I asked how exactly you envisage him influencing the decision if he wants the pregnancy to continue and his partner doesn't.
And for some people it may seem like a 'near-impossible decision', but for many women it isn't. I'm not talking about someone who has some apprehensions about continuing a pregnancy and needs to discuss it with her partner and gauge his support. I'm talking about someone who doesn't want it to continue. She says no. You say yes. Where does it go from there?
Saying it should be a joint choice, that everyone's feelings should be respected etc etc is nice but just woolly. There is either going to be a continued pregnancy, or an abortion. I think it's important to be very clear about this, because I find that many men who are vocal about a male's right to make a joint decision about pregnancy outcomes are genuinely unable to comprehend a situation where their needs and wishes aren't centred, or they're confident that the woman has just made a mistake which they can correct (ie she says she doesn't want the pregnancy but actually she does, and he'll explain this). They can also be very unrealistic about the physical and emotional realities of pregnancy and childbirth.
I'm not saying this about you in particular, BTW; just that it's a common theme in discussions. Again, I agree that the nice, 'good' thing to say is that everyone should be party to the decision, but I think that glosses over the realities of the situation. I understand that men who are saddened or angered by their lack of control want those feelings to be recognised, but I don't understand what you mean in practical terms by this; what it would involve in your actual relationship, and what it's supposed to signify in a discussion about abortion access.
Again, I know you say you don't expect to make the final decision, but what do you expect? Is a woman saying 'I'm sorry, I know you want this pregnancy, but I really don't, so I'm having a termination' enough?
I am just wary that when men (not all men! not necessarily you!) claim they don't expect the final decision to be theirs, but that they expect their input to be recognized, what they truly expect is that their input will result in their choice happening, and that there's no tolerance for any other outcome.