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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask this personal question?.....

345 replies

pppers · 03/02/2019 20:52

To ask how many people you've slept with?

I had DS young and have only slept with 1 other person other than DP.
A friend made a light hearted comment about do I not feel like I've missed out, and I feel bad to say it resonated with me.

AIBU to feel sad that 2 might be my lifetime number??

OP posts:
M3lon · 05/02/2019 00:08

3 and I regret at least 2 of them.

TBH I could very easily live without sex in my life.

FlorencesHunger · 05/02/2019 00:18

I lost count after ten, could be anything up to 50 or more. I've had great sexual experiences and some not so great. Only thing that I've gained from it is knowing what I want and asserting myself in the bedroom, otherwise can't say there is anything to miss.

RagingWhoreBag · 05/02/2019 00:26

Apparently if you’ve slept with more than 4 people you’re a raging whore bag.

Which makes me, in fact, several raging whore bags

Luckily, the best ever is with current DP so I’m stopping at several 4

MawkishTwaddle · 05/02/2019 00:37

2

JustPoppingOut · 05/02/2019 00:45

I posted on here around midday (mine is 16) and everyone else seemed to be around 2-4! ShockThankfully the post-work postings have made me feel more normal!

I have to say of that number, only three, that I've had long term relationships with including my DH, involved really good sex. so I could have done without the other 13!!

One guy who I had a five year relationship with, I'd had a massive crush on for almost two years before we got together when I was 22. The sex was very mediocre and on our first night I was like "hmmm, I've liked him for so long I'd better make the most of it!" We had five lovely years with a great social life but boring sex. I've always thought since then, be careful for what you wish for!

FleurNancy · 05/02/2019 00:48

Um, I think it was just shy of 30 before I met DH 15 years ago. We've recently started expanding our horizons sexually swinging so that number is going up by a couple a month on average...

Andromeida59 · 05/02/2019 00:51

5 and I regret 4 of them. Been with DP since early 20's. Can't imagine ever being with anyone else.

expat101 · 05/02/2019 00:53

Not necessarily the ones I should have.... :)

Ribbonsonabox · 05/02/2019 00:54
  1. I'm 30.

Whilst I dont regret any because it's all experiences that shape you... I'd say there were only 4 that I really have very positive memories of. And those were long term relationships.
Sometimes I wish I'd slept with more people but the wish is more about how I should not have stayed for so long in a couple of bad relationships I had, rather than a real desire to have loads of sex with other people. I just sometimes wish that instead of hanging around in those bad relationships I had gone put and had fun!

I think if you've only had sex with one or two people but have had lovely positive experiences then that's much better than just sleeping with loads of people tbh.
I had a few one night stands and whilst they were interesting in terms of seeing what that was like emotionally, the sex was actually terrible.

I think sex improves with real emotional connection and experience and learning about each other over time... and most importantly trust!!

worldwidewebuser · 05/02/2019 00:55

Just 1- my husband

I get asked all the time if I feel like I've missed out. Sometimes I consider maybe I have, but then I have to listen to my friends stories of vulnerability, and I realize I would never have had the thick skin required for it Confused

So yeah, sometimes I get waves of regret, but this is always squashed by a "oh thank goodness!" Grin

josbd · 05/02/2019 02:09

c 60, no regrets, all women

StarlightLady · 05/02/2019 03:47

Why do people call in “slept with”? That usually means someone snoring in your ear and trying to steal the duvet?

I’ve had sex with 3 people this year.

Overall, l don’t keep a scoreboard. I’m in my 40s and friendships are well into double figures and proud. No regrets! I am in my 40s and have needs. I have enjoyed friendships with men and some women.

For me, the secret to good sex is passion and no double standards Those are the vital ingredients.

And JustPoppingOut; I love your sister. Wise words indeed.

MsHopey · 05/02/2019 04:23

One.

Its personal and intimate to me, I love my DH and I have low self esteem so right now i couldn't imagine ever sharing that part of me with someone else. I'm not religious or anything but I waited till I thought I'd found the right person and we're 10 years in.

speakout · 05/02/2019 06:45

*Would you be comfortable bumping into these men you hardly knew but had good sex with round your child’s school?...
This is when I think it’s good not to Have had lots of different partners , can you imagine if there was more than one of them you had to face at the school gate. I would feel sorry for your current partner/husband as well as your child if this was the case
*

Why the mention of a school?
THis is a realy strange question.
And why feel sorry for the children- or indeed OH?

If I saw a women regularly that I knew had sex with my OH it wouldn'r bpther me in the slightest.

That was his past, and I have mine.
We are committed to each other now.

I would not have wanted to settle down with a virgin, that's for sure!

ElektraLOL · 05/02/2019 06:47

About 22 I think

Hedwigsradio · 05/02/2019 06:47

Two

Justploddingon · 05/02/2019 07:01

Many drunken one night stands 🥴 that were meaningless although 2 turned into long term relationships.

Dillydallyer · 05/02/2019 07:50

About 18/19. My first dh, who I met in my teens, was my third then when we split up I went a bit wild (no regrets, always safe, always consenting). Met my now dh almost three years later and am glad that he’s (hopefully) my last.

JustTeeth · 05/02/2019 07:58

Completely normal in my opinion. We are opening up our marriage for this very reason.

It's new and it's not always easy but it's working do far. DH slept with a lovely woman a couple of weeks ago and the sky hasn't fallen in. He feels he's put something to bed that played on his mind - his number was also 2 - and we feel closer than ever. I feel like if I really love him I'd want him to have the full range of experiences that he wants to have. It was weird don't get me wrong but overall so positive and I didnt realise we could get closer than we were. I think he will see her again in a few weeks (obviously she knows the whole situation). I have also met a really nice man who I've made plans to see again so it's not just DH of course Grin

Can't do it without brutal honesty though

CobaltRose96 · 05/02/2019 08:01

Only 1. Met DP in my teens.

TiredMumma88 · 05/02/2019 08:03

5 - one of whom is my husband.

Im 30 and have 1 DD and hope that he will be the only one from now on 🥰

Pashal2 · 05/02/2019 08:11

Plain speaking: I think the OP is just trying to Gage, from a diverse number of people, if she is an odd duck for only having 2 sexual experiences. That's all.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/02/2019 08:31

I actually reached double figures when I hit 49.
Everyone I know, sisters, friends, ex's etc... have all had sex with loads of people.
I had some making up to do.

London91 · 05/02/2019 08:36
  1. Been with dp for 7 years. Probably only regret one of those people but can't change things. I don't feel like I've missed out in anyway. I know people who lie because they're ashamed.
edenhills · 05/02/2019 09:07
  1. Got to together with dh when we were just 20 so down to being a bit of a slut in my teens.
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