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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask this personal question?.....

345 replies

pppers · 03/02/2019 20:52

To ask how many people you've slept with?

I had DS young and have only slept with 1 other person other than DP.
A friend made a light hearted comment about do I not feel like I've missed out, and I feel bad to say it resonated with me.

AIBU to feel sad that 2 might be my lifetime number??

OP posts:
PencereTencere · 04/02/2019 20:00

2

A long term, on-off long distance fling, then now DH. We met when I was 22.

I have no regrets.

Wittow · 04/02/2019 20:02

Lost count. Over 100, mostly men, a few women.

Why is anyone else interested?

Lotsofluv · 04/02/2019 20:12

You are certainly not missing out, you should be proud of yourself for not sleeping around.
I have had 3 sexual partners and am proud of that. I think you have to feel completely comfortable with someone and know them well to have sex with them, the thought of exchanging bodily fluids with so many different partners would make me cringe. Yuk!...
Just feel lucky you didn’t have to go to bed with so many men until you found a good one 😀👍😘

speakout · 04/02/2019 20:20

I don't know the actual number.

ludothedog · 04/02/2019 20:21

If you aren’t happy that you’ve slept with lots, it’s already a bit late to reset your moral compass.

I don't understand that school of thought, that if two adults decide to share their bodies, without a long term commitment, that this is some how morally wrong. Why? explain that to me...

So what if your numbers are large. Sometimes sex is just the right thing to do. It can be beautiful and healing. Every connection has its own story - I'm happy to have experienced them all. The good and the bad.

Also, it's also quite easy to rack up big numbers. I've been sexually active now for 30 years. Lets say I've averaged 3 lovers a year over those 30 years and wow, that's a big number. However, when you break it down, not so much! and I like sex.

65cleo · 04/02/2019 20:26

One.

Sarahlou63 · 04/02/2019 20:26

Somewhere between 200-300. Mainly men, some women.

busyhonestchildcarer · 04/02/2019 20:27

2 and there wont be a third.Tbh I wished my number two had been my number 1 .You cant plan these things though.doesnt it just depend on if/ when you find the right person?

Iownabigvase · 04/02/2019 20:27

No idea. Probably around 50 but maybe more.. I forget about a lot of them then randomly someone will pop into my head and I'll be like "ah yeah i shagged him!"

MulberryPeony · 04/02/2019 20:29

Just one. I had gone to university with the intention of playing the field a bit before settling down but I ended up falling in love, getting married, having kids, and before I knew it twenty years had passed...

I’m satisfied I’m not missing out although I do wistfully think of that first flush of excitement and exploration. I feel comfortable doing things with my DH that I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing with someone I didn’t trust entirely.

Geordieclurr · 04/02/2019 20:31

Everyone is different. Stop comparing yourself to others and learn to be ok with yours. Always assuming they are well thought out decisions that you make!

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 04/02/2019 20:32

I think you have to feel completely comfortable with someone and know them well to have sex with them, the thought of exchanging bodily fluids with so many different partners would make me cringe. Yuk!

I don't agree at all! I've had some fabulous sex over the years with people I never really knew all that well. It doesn't have to be one way or the other - so long as you're happy with your lot, carry on. Sex with DH now is wonderful, I love the way we know each other intimately in ways I've not known previous partners, but it's not the only way to enjoy sex.

Attitude84 · 04/02/2019 20:35

I’ve slept with 5. I met my now husband 10 months later after the very first one. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish he was the one and only.

Have you ever heard of the saying ‘quality not quantity?’

The only regret I have is not meeting my husband first. You have not missed out.

Betty777 · 04/02/2019 20:37

I was mostly single throughout my twenties so I went on a LOT of dates (30-35?) but I would say that quantity is not the same thing as quality - long term partners get better

PinaColada1 · 04/02/2019 20:41

It’s not that easy to get a wonderful connection with someone sexually. I think many one night stands aren’t that great but then again many relationships are unsatisfying sexually too.

I’m glad I didn’t stick with guy number one. Sexually it wasn’t great. It was only sexual partner number three and four that I realized how amazing sex could be.

Personally I think you can tell a lot from a kiss. I’m all for kissing a lot of guys! And flirting, dancing, chatting, feeling good. Sexual experiences are very varied and some of my best didn’t involve sex at all.

Lotsofluv · 04/02/2019 20:41

Would you be comfortable bumping into these men you hardly knew but had good sex with round your child’s school?...
This is when I think it’s good not to Have had lots of different partners , can you imagine if there was more than one of them you had to face at the school gate. I would feel sorry for your current partner/husband as well as your child if this was the case 😕

Maddy70 · 04/02/2019 20:41

Never counted. But a lot!

BikeRunSki · 04/02/2019 20:45

6 - from ONS, to DH of 19 years.

slashlover · 04/02/2019 20:45

You are certainly not missing out, you should be proud of yourself for not sleeping around.
I have had 3 sexual partners and am proud of that. I think you have to feel completely comfortable with someone and know them well to have sex with them, the thought of exchanging bodily fluids with so many different partners would make me cringe. Yuk!...
Just feel lucky you didn’t have to go to bed with so many men until you found a good one 😀👍😘

Judgemental much? Feeling proud? Didn't have to go to bed with so many men? You are aware that many women actually enjoy sex and don't see it as such a big deal?

MommaL · 04/02/2019 20:46
  1. 2 were crap, and I married the other 2.
SpotlessMind · 04/02/2019 20:47

Two. I was with one of them for a long time and he was always very good at it though, don’t feel I’ve missed out Smile

ludothedog · 04/02/2019 20:48

why would you be bumping into ex-lovers at the school gate?
I can honestly say I have no contact and no accidental bumping into lovers but then I've moved about a bit. Still, think it would be highly unlikely to bump into them at school, what a weird thing to think about!

OnlyaMan · 04/02/2019 20:53

It depends WHEN?
So many of us (men and women) have had sexual experiences when we were young/students/whatever.
If we have had sex with a woman/man, sort of last week, then that is a great deal different!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/02/2019 20:55

No one made me have sex,I wanted to.i often initiated it too
And it was enjoyable all that orgasmic writhing & exchanging body fluids

user1486250399 · 04/02/2019 20:56
  1. I've had years of good sex so don't feel I've missed out. I don't really feel bad that I'll never have any other sexual partners as that means my marriage will have worked out and I like the idea of watching my kids grow up with my husband by my side more than I like the idea of sex with someone new. Of course I look at other blokes but that is definitely that.
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