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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grown adults getting upset over Facebook isn't normal.

362 replies

FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 13:54

I know I'm not being unreasonable, 99% sure of it, but I'm losing my mind over the incredulous nature of this. I'm dumbstruck that this is an issue and need advice.

I had a falling out with a relative on my husband's side. I shared a meme about enjoying solitude and liking my own company and they thought it was targeted at them, I explained that it wasn't but they weren't having it. I ignored their behaviour because honestly I was baffled that a grown adult would read that into someone's post let alone accuse them of it to their face.

I subsequently placed that person on restricted to avoid future arguments. I don't like Facebook drama, or this sort of drama in general and have no time for it, so I did this to ensure it wouldn't happen again.

They have found out I've done this and gone bazerk. Calling me childish, rude, that I'm picking on them, that I hate them.

I really hate this sort of thing. Short of deleting my entire profile, which I don't see why I should have to do, I don't know how to resolve this without that person being offended.

Were they not a relative of my husband's I'd tell them to sod off. I've never met adults like this!

OP posts:
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tobee · 03/02/2019 15:33

I think it was unfortunate rather than bad timing. And from what you say op, it sounds like they've got issues anyway. Being offended not being added to your Facebook friends in the first place is ridiculous. If they are above 12. They sound needy and slightly paranoid.

So ynbu op.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 03/02/2019 15:34

This thread is about you refusing to see how your 'humour' could have possibly offended your friend.

Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:35

I get that it offended them. Hence why I put them on restricted. But they're still offended!

OP posts:
Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:37

It feels like they want me to stop posting things I find funny which I'm not going to do. I will ensure someone who has made it obvious that they don't find it funny doesn't see it. I don't understand what's wrong with that.

OP posts:
Moussemoose · 03/02/2019 15:39

Get a grip folks.

Some of you are massively over invested. I work with teenagers and we get this angst all the time from 16 year olds.

So what if the meme was passive aggressive. Ignore it move on. It doesn't matter. Who cares? He said, she said, I thought, it was all about me, it is all about you. It's rude if you squint, look at it sideways and think everything is always about you.

Stop obsessing about FB and grow the fuck up.

OP if someone cares that much about FB you don't need them in your life.

BlindAssassin1 · 03/02/2019 15:39

FacebookFeud

I don't know when or how people have the will and volition to really get into it and worked into a froth with FB and the likes, but I've seen people's relationships disintegrate, or put up passive aggro memes aimed at their boss, just ugly.

I would suggest that the person whose got upset with you is one of those overly invested types of people. The time space continuum is different on FB compared to RL, and that's how she's taken it. Look at this way, you know what kind of drama l llama she is?

Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:40

mouse I agree.

Blind this is true although I already knew she is once hence my not wanting her on my profile in the first place. I do like her as a person but she's very full on

OP posts:
JacksonPillock · 03/02/2019 15:41

Hence why I put them on restricted. But they're still offended

So put the person they spoke to on restricted too. As I said above, everyone except your very best friends and immediate family should just be on restricted really. They really don't need to see your memes and political opinions anyway.

TuberoseDivine · 03/02/2019 15:41

I don't want drama and people getting offended over my memes.

The only way to guarantee that is to not use social media. Simple Smile

JacksonPillock · 03/02/2019 15:41

Do the above, ignore the complaints and move on. Anything else would just be you revelling in the drama.

RedDogsBeg · 03/02/2019 15:42

Honestly, I think the fact you put them on restricted was childish. If you really thought it was an honest misunderstanding it would have blown over. No wonder they think you don't like them - you post this after declining their invite and even when loads of people have pointed this out to you that the timing was not great - instead of saying sorry you are defending what you did.

I agree with itakes2 it smacks of petty revenge on your part OP.

Moneypenny007 · 03/02/2019 15:42

My mil took offence to something I put up and deleted me. She also blocked me. It annoyed me at the time, but then I realised I had her hidden from my news feed for years so wasn't missing anything by being blocked.

I have since deleted fb. Not because of her.

People read into memes a lot. If you read mil's posts you'd swear she was a saint who bent over backwards for her family and kids, that done nothing for herself and was going to cure world hunger through prayer....

MaisyPops · 03/02/2019 15:43

If it was a funny meme then I would say that they were being silly, but images/memes like that are so passive-aggressive.

I've seen many a funny introvert meme that aren't passive aggressive. Sharing the one you did is basically saying a passive aggressive fuck you to anyone who might have tried to include you in things.

They overreacted to it, but I don't get the faux naive 'oh I was only sharing something funny' thing.

Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:44

jackson I think I'll do that tbh. Restrict almost everyone.

OP posts:
BlueJava · 03/02/2019 15:45

My policy for facebook is that I only have friends that I am truly friends with - so for me that's no work colleagues, no extended family, no people I don't know well in real life. Then no shocking dramas.

Gina2012 · 03/02/2019 15:50

But that caption is very different to your nicer "I enjoy my own solitude" description in the OP. I can see why they may have taken it personally given you'd just declined an invite

This

You are totally missing the point OP and I think you were unkind not to understand that if they made a connection between your meme and the invitation, then being hurt was reasonable for them

Then putting them into restricted , no apology, no understanding message, just added fuel to the fire

AwdBovril · 03/02/2019 15:50

This is part of the reason why I barely ever go on FB. People are even weirder & more narcissistic on FB than in RL.

Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:51

Putting them on restricted stops them seeing things that will hurt them. I don't get why they're taking it as I don't like them.

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 03/02/2019 15:53

Because your default view seems to be 'I was in the right and so they are being snowflakes. Rather than consider my own posting actions, I'll pour petrol on the situation and then claim I'm doing them a favour so they don't get offended'.

90% of the time it's not the people being offended who need to reflect, it's the person who is instigating it.

sparklytwinklyfairylights · 03/02/2019 15:55

Why did you post on AIBU, you obviously don't think you are.
Just post that you're annoyed about someone's reaction to a meme.

Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:55

How is putting them on restricted adding flames

OP posts:
tillytrotter1 · 03/02/2019 15:56

At the risk of being called a Luddite why do people bother 'communicating' through things like Facebook? So many arguments seem to arise from the excessive use of social media. In days of yore families had arguments, often based on who did/said what at a funeral, these rumbled on for years but were not played out for all the world and his wife to enjoy.
Instead of months off alcohol etc maybe we need a monthof unnecessary social media, certainly a lot of young people would be healthier if they didn't see catty comments and worse.

Original poster
FacebookFeud · 03/02/2019 15:57

I use it mainly for specialist groups (skincare and debates lol), debates and funny pictures comments. Not anything serious like some seem to.

OP posts:
Gina2012 · 03/02/2019 16:01

How is putting them on restricted adding flames

Because they are already hurt by your meme because they made a connection between the meme and their invitation

Now they can see next to nothing on your timeline so I'm imagining they feel even more hurt and shut out

Restricted is great but it's obvious when someone is put into restricted - and it's possible that some people might feel hurt by being excluded

CripsSandwiches · 03/02/2019 16:01

I can see how they got that impression, even if it wasn't intended. It sounds like you were a bit defensive in your response and fuelled the fire. I would just explain to the relative really nicely that it has nothing to do with them, you'd love to see them at XYZ time, you're really sorry they're upset.