To think this is low! And to feel hurt/confused

[Whatthe1]

So I have made a new (ish) friend (known for about 9months or so. We got on really well and it DC do too (met in school). Anyway we are currently planning on building a house and it’s all very exciting for us. We met up on Friday eve and she asked how plans were going. I told her and conversation led on. She got to the point of asking me which bank we were getting our mortgage from as lending here at the moment is difficult. I said we weren’t as we were hoping to self fund. She asked how?? I said that we had profit from our last house and some investments we were going to cash in. She then outwardly REFUSED to believe it!! Stating that at our age she couldn’t see how it was possible esp as we had two DC. I didn’t know how to respond so I just said, oh look it’s not important let’s talk about something else. The rest of the visit was ok but she was a little “off”

Anyway today I got the following message
Whatthe,
I have been In turmoil since Friday, I can’t understand why you would lie to my face about finances the way you did. I feel like either way I can’t continue being friends. If you are lying like I BELIEVE you are or whether you actually have THAT kind of money. I didn’t think you were one of those ‘money is no object people’ so unfortunately I can’t be around that. Sorry I really enjoy your company and you are a great new friend but this just doesn’t sit with me’

I haven’t responded as I am I shock I think! What the hell?? Do you think I should call or just leave her be? I AM DUMBFOUNDED 😮

@Guineapiglet345 oh god it won’t be half a millions worth at all 😆 it’ll be enough for us to live and grow hopefully but it won’t be huge!

@Yabbers not looking for that response at all I’m pretty sure I asked how to respond being in utter shock at her strange accusations 😥

Wow I had a really similar fall out with a newish friend too, except she was cross I had got a mortgage because she was renting and couldn’t get a bank to agree to one for her first time buy.

She actually said to me ‘you and x and y think you’re so great because you’ve all got mortgages, not everyone wants to play keeping up with the Jones’!’

Wtf could I even say to that, I’ve never cared one bit about who lives where or how they pay for it for it. Some people are just batshit. I just ghosted her.

OP, now you know why she has no friends

But that would have been a lie

Only if they’ve sorted every last detail.

Can't wait to hear the response!!

Crazy lady!

Jesus she is a bit bonkers! OP I know others who have managed to self build with savings/ a very small loan at a similar age to you. Similar I know others who have been gifted sites from family (I could also build on family land). Would she still be bitter over that?
You were right to reply to her. One of the strangest things I have ever heard.

utter shock at her strange accusations
The accusations aren’t strange at all. Some people just can’t believe how much other people have. She clearly lacks a social filter, but that’s as far as it goes. As for reaction, I guess “ignore it” is far too simplistic. Or do you really need for her to believe you?

Why not go into detail, if you need to to answer a question that's been asked? Are you saying the OP should have known the person was a loon?
Because talking about your finances isn’t something you’d usually do with a friend you barely know in the school playground. And the woman is hardly a loon just because she doesn’t believe it.

I had an experience like this at university with a boyfriend. I was talking some anecdote from when I was growing up and he suddenly turned to me and said "why do you lie about stuff like this all the time! You don't need to lie to me to make yourself special! I like you just as you are!" I was totally confused because I hadn't been lying at all. He had had a normal suburban childhood, and I grew up abroad and had had some quite exciting trips and holidays as a child which I thought was normal. When I tried to explain he just said "just stop lying to me, you're still lying, just stop!" It was really upsetting to be honest, I ended up actually lying to him by omission a few times trying not to upset him, we broke up in the end. We were from backgrounds that were too different and he couldn't handle it I think, so thought I must be lying because no one could possibly have done those things as a child.

@yabbwrs I can’t see where your coming from at all?

Friend who OP knows for months asks about mortgage for new house a question that isn’t that odd. OP answers and crazy friend won’t believe it. What is OP supposed to do with that???

She then says she can’t believe OP while at the same time saying can’t be her friend as they are on different money scales (so then saying does believe her but still can’t be friends)

OP had no reason to avoid answering, it’s not that weird a question it’s the not believing that’s weird.

Are you sure your not the friend???

Your friend is bonkers, but reading the posts here it seems many have met people like her - a good lesson for the future I guess?

The woman is a loon because she's stewed over something so breathtakingly unimportant for two days and then sent a completely bizarre message a) accusing a supposed friend of lying and b) saying that even if she isn't lying they can't be friends any more.That's what makes her a loon.

If you don't want the answer to a question, then don't bloody ask it. If a friend asks me a question, I answer them. I don't fob them off with bullshit or be coy about it lest it offend them for no apparent reason.

Your friend is bonkers, but reading the posts here it seems many have met people like her - a good lesson for the future I guess?

The (ex) friend appears to have two cheerleaders on this thread alone. It takes all kinds.

I think I would respond:-

well how disappointing, I thought you were my friend and this has proved you’re not. I’m sorry you can’t be happy for me. Your problem not mine.

Did she respond op? Let us know what joy the school run brings.

And lol at yabbers desperately trying to find a way to blame the op and failing 🤣

She is clearly bitter, resentful and envious of your money. I would end the friendship and explain why.

Oh my god she sounds bonkers!

WTF?!

As others have said, she's over-reacting because you're not who she thought you were OP. She had you in a box in her head and when she discovered the truth she was unable to process it.

I remember a similar reaction from a new friend when I was a teen. He walked home with me one day and when we got to my house he had a fit of the vapours and accused me of lying about living there. Yes, it was a massive, impressive house but my DM was really into property and my parents were mortgaged up to their eyeballs.

Friend just couldn't take it in and refused to believe me until I actually took him inside. He demanded to know all about how my parents made their money (normal-ish professional jobs) and reported all the information to anyone who would listen, which was embarrassing for him because nobody cared, or already knew.

Your ex friend is a cow OP and you need to watch your back because for sure she's going to try to take you down for this. She's taken it personally and that's never good.

No reply last night so we’ll see how the school run goes!!! 🙄😤😂😭

🤞🏻

Well, OP, lesson learned: never talk about money

One of my friends once asked what earned, stupidly I told her, then she was so upset she was earning less she did not want to see me any more

Same whit a current friend, she kept asking about my mortgage and when she figured out we did not have one she kept bringing it up in EVERY conversation, telling everyone, expected me to pay her drinks always etc.

So now I lie and am vague... "mortgage? It is complicated, I prefer not to talk about it. Money talk makes me stressed, you know what it's like"

OP, this friend has shown her real colours. Write her off. And tell nobody else about lack of mortgage!

Sounds like your new friend is completely mental. I know it's sad but in a way she's done you a favour. It would have come out eventually

Sounds a bit odd that she doesn't believe you or is asking in the first place.

To be honest though (waiting to be flamed), I am put off hanging around people who aren't in similar financial circumstances than me as it's hard to find common ground. I've met some SAHM's with money who find having their house decorated 'stressful'. I don't even have my own place to decorate and work FT and don't have time or money for all the extra-curricular activities they do with their kids. I found hanging out with them just made me feel even more guilty and I just couldn't find any common ground eventually. They couldn't understand why I was so stressed half the time and were totally different people! Having said that, I do have other friends who are better off than me, but they are working and completely get how hard it is bringing up young children while working FT. There is probably more to it than just building your own house and financing it yourself.

Her letter and the way she has explained herself does sound odd though. Probably best keep your distance.

My friend and I have discussed our finances in depth , she knows about my not too shabby private pension , I know how much she has in savings , she knows I have paid my mortgage off etc and we are still very firm friends , that's because we're not arse holes.

How was the school run then?

She sounds jealous. But money can be a very touchy subject. I never talk about it with friends ever. I have less money than done friends, more than others.